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Once Upon a Beetle
Elsie Fleming.
To my parents
Copyright 2015
Maple Leaf Writing Project
Brattleboro, Vermont
.
One fine Sunday morning in the middle of July a man named Mr. Macy
was trying to cover the missing door of his purple rusty truck with plastic.
Life was great and the biggest problem Mr. Macy had was the door of his truck. Mr. Macy is eighty-five and works as a janitor for a very nice priest at a small place called St. Antonio’s church. He does not have a wife or children and lives by himself in a small comfortable house just next to the church.
As Mr. Macy was working on the truck he remembered that he was supposed to dust the church pews by 9:00 and it was almost 9:15! He scuttled into the house to get his favorite green pencil that he then put behind his ear. Mr. Macy shuffle ran to the church as fast as his little legs would carry him then unlocked the door with the special key. When he got into the church he headed over to his big closet full of cleaning supplies. He was stopped by the voice of Father Charles saying, “you are slightly late but I guess that’s okay since there is nothing we can do about it now.”
“Oh, I’m sorry sir, I lost track of time while trying to fix the door of that stupid truck!” Mr.Macy blurted out.
“Well I guess that’s alright” replied Charles.
“Now lets get to work. I’ll help you get started so you’re not so far behind.”
As Mr. Macy dusted the church pews he thought about his day. He thought about how he was working too hard on his truck and how he might want to find an old car door in the junkyard. When he finished dusting the church pews, he put the duster in his huge closet and headed over to the small room next to the altar to check in with Father Charles.
“What should I do next?”
Father Charles looked up from the homily he was writing.
“Oh let’s see, I think all I need you to do is maybe wash the windows on the door, then you can go. Oh, and unlock the front door for Mass when you are done!” he called to Mr. Macy down the hall.
“Alrighty!” Mr. Macy called back. Mr. Macy shuffled back to his closet to get the Windex that was sitting at the very back. Then headed off in the direction of the door to clean the dirty windows. After all the church work was finished Mr. Macy decided he would invite some friends over to play Dead Beetles in the back yard.
Dead Beetles is one of Mr. Macy’s favorite games to play. The object is to find as many dead beetles in the backyard as you can before the time runs out. When the time runs out everyone brings in the dead beetles they have found. Winning depends on number and size of the beetles found in Mr. Macy’s big backyard and the whole church yard. This sounds like a ridiculous game for an eighty five year old man and his other old friends to be playing, but keep in mind that this is just about the best game in the world to them. They all love to collect dead beetles. When Mr. Macy got home he called all his friends to see if they could come over later for a game. First he called Jo, then Billybob. After Billybob he called Mr. Pans, Simon Twitztle, and Mr. Armanhighmer. Finally he reached Herman Sarzey and just as he hung up the phone started ringing.
“Hello?”said Mr.Macy.
“Ahhh yes, finally, are you the janitor at St. Antonio’s church in Florida?”
Mr. Macy thought that the man’s voice sounded rather rough and maybe a little bit evil but he answered the man anyway.
“ Yes how can I help you?” Mr. Macy asked.
¨Well Father Charles is retiring and I’m the new priest as of this evening. I thought that we should get to know each other and would like to meet at the church tonight at 6:30 alrighty? Oh and my name is Father Johnny.”
“What! Father Charles can’t be leaving!” Mr. Macy yelled. “Why didn’t he tell me?” Mr. Macy had grown to like Charles and was very disappointed to hear that he would be retiring.
“Oh yes, he has decided that he wants to take a break from being a priest because he feels that it is too much work”
“I thought that Charles loved being a priest and having me as a janitor very much!”
“Um, well yes but he thought that, uh, he might want to try something ,uh, different, so is it okay if we meet tonight at 6:30?”
“Uh, I guess so, bye then.”
Mr. Macy was kind of scared to meet this strange man in the church and was very disappointed to hear that his favorite priest was gone. After a quiet afternoon, Mr. Macy walked slowly to the church and sat down quietly to wait for the new priest. Assuming that Father Johnny was running late, Mr. Macy was startled when the priest stepped out of the small back room. First of all, he had no idea that the priest was already in the church. Secondly he was a little upset that he had gone in the back room without asking him first, and thirdly he was the strangest looking man he had ever seen in his life. When you see Father Johnny you wouldn’t think that he is fat, you just think that he is very oddly shaped with very short and skinny legs and arms. The buttons on his shirt looked like they were going to fly across the room and hit you right on the forehead.
“Before we start our meeting I’d like you to give me a tour of the church.”
“Um, okay, if you could just follow me then I will show you around. But make sure not to touch anything because we keep lots of valuable things here.”
When the meeting was over, Mr. Macy was trying to process what had just happened in his head when he walked into his house to see all of his friends sitting on the couch. Mr. Macy had completely forgotten that he had invited people over to play Dead Beetles.
“Oh I’m so sorry, I completely forgot that you guys were coming, oh I’m so sorry would anyone like anything to eat or drink?”
“No thanks I just had dinner”
“Yeah me too.”
“Yeah I think I am good.”
Mr. Macy made a quick snack for himself and grabbed the boxes and flashlights for the hunt. When he got back everyone was all ready to go outside so he led them to the back porch. Mr. Macy set the timer for exactly 3 ½ minutes just as usual.
“On Your Marks, Get Set, Go!”
Everyone went hurrying in all different directions. Mr. Macy headed off in the direction of the bush that he always found the biggest dead beetles in. When the timer went off on the porch, they all came inside to count the beetles that they had collected. Mr. Macy had not won but had gotten third place. After that they sat down at the table and had a long talk about the latest beetle discoveries.
When everyone went home Mr. Macy got all of his beetles off the scale and put them on the shelf in the big box where he kept them. He made himself some mac and cheese and went to bed.
The next day Mr. Macy got ready to go to church for the first time with the new priest. He was a little nervous about Father Johnny leading services because he was unsure if Father Johnny actually knew what he was doing. The service turned out to be fine and Mr. Macy decided to compliment Father Johnny. Mr. Macy liked the Mass because it was a lot like the services that Father Charles had led. Mr. Macy winced at the thought of Father Charles not wanting to be the priest anymore.
The next morning when Mr. Macy was cleaning the church he found something that he had never seen before. In the middle of the lawn he found transparent flakes in a neat little pile. These were the same kind that a round beetle called the Japanese beetle sometimes shed in the summer. These flakes were much bigger than an average Japanese beetle would shed though. Mr. Macy picked them up and ran home to put them with his collection, then quickly ran back to the church to work.
As the days went by Mr. Macy kept finding bigger than usual beetle evidence all around the church. Finally he decided to investigate by staying overnight to see if it was a prank or not. But it wasn’t.
Mr. Macy parked his car in front of the church and slumped down in the front seat so no one would see him. He stayed there for a while, then finally saw something strange. A large circular object with legs was moving through the darkness and was heading for the back of the church. The object was the size of a human and after a while of watching it he started to get the idea that it was just a practical joke.
Mr. Macy drove home and went to bed. The next day when he was cleaning the little back room he found the same kind of flakes that were piled up in the backyard the other day. That night Mr. Macy decided to stay in the church again to investigate. He hid up by the railing in the balcony so that he could see what was happening down in the main floor.
After a few hours of waiting, Mr. Macy was just about to stand up to stretch his legs when he heard a scratching noise and immediately froze. He slowly got into a position where he could see through the rungs of the railing. The priest came to the doorway and scanned the church as if he was looking for something in particular. Mr. Macy wanted to stand up and say “I’m here, it’s me, Mr. Macy, up here I’m up here!” but he didn’t because he knew he wouldn’t be able to find out what was going on. Mr. Macy is a man who will not quit a project until it’s finished.
The priest finished looking around and came to the doorway. Leaning on the doorway for balance he pulled off his shoes, then he pulled off skin colored leggings that seemed to be padded with stuffing, revealing two black shiny skinny legs! Mr. Macy inhaled sharply causing Father Johnny to stop what he was doing and look around. Mr. Macy froze again and waited another long while as Father Johnny scanned the church again.
He started pulling off his human disguise again and Mr. Macy watched him unbutton the tight white shirt, and then remove a wig, a mask, and fake arms. Mr. Macy fell backwards in shock. He quickly pulled himself back up. It was too late! The huge beetle had heard the noise and was very suspicious now after hearing it for a second time. The bug was crawling up the railing. Mr. Macy jumped up and started to run around the balcony. The beetle had gotten to the top of the stairs and was charging at full speed toward him on all six legs. Mr. Macy quickly dove under a table as the beetle sped by. As he crawled out from under the table and tried to sneak away, the beetle spotted him again. The large bug struggled to turn around and Mr. Macy realized that it was difficult for the bug to make sharp turns. He would take a twisty path back to his truck so that the beetle wouldn’t be able to catch him.
When Mr. Macy got outside the building and into his truck he found that the beetle was still chasing him. He quickly started up the car and drove away. He thought that he was losing the huge bug when he heard scraping on the roof of the truck. He knew he was not alone. Mr. Macy started driving really fast then when he got to the end of the road he stopped abruptly and the beetle went flying off the front of his truck. Mr. Macy knew that he would soon be back so he turned the truck around and sped down the road again. He pulled into a turnaround and popped out the functioning door of his truck to hide behind a tree, knowing that the beetle would see his purple truck. Mr. Macy waited for almost five minutes and finally decided the bug wasn’t coming. He stepped out of his hiding place and had taken a few steps when he heard a noise. Mr. Macy froze as the beetle walked within yards of him to examine his truck. He didn’t see Mr. Macy though. The bug spent several minutes poking around in his truck before he gave up and walked across the road making click clacking sounds like he was in high heels. Mr. Macy shakily drove home in his truck, got on his pajamas, made his bed, and tried to go to sleep. He kept imagining that a huge beetle was going to pop out from under his bed or come in through the window. It took him quite a while to fall asleep.
When he woke up he remembered the previous night. Mr. Macy didn’t know what to expect and didn’t know where he would find Father Johnny the beetle and what he would do if he did. When Mr. Macy was getting dressed he decided that he was going out to look for the beetle (because he knew he would certainly not be doing church work today).
Mr. Macy came out of his back door so that he could go look through the window to the back room of the church. When he saw there was no one in there, he walked along the side of the building to the front door and went inside. When Mr. Macy got inside he heard what sounded like a muffled coughing sound but it was so quiet that he wasn’t even sure he heard it. The sound seemed to be coming from the small room in the back so that’s where Mr. Macy went. When he got there the sound seemed to get louder the farther he went into the room so he kept going until he reached the closet at the back of the room. At this point the sound was obviously someone coughing and it sounded like a man. Mr. Macy wondered if it could be Father Johnny doing one of his oversized beetle things.
Mr. Macy was thinking of running away but he knew that would not be a manly thing to do, so he right then and there decided that he was going to open the closet door and get it over with before he got too scared. He thrust his hand out and turned the doorknob before he could change his mind. There lying on the floor was a wide eyed Father Charles staring up at him. He had ropes around his wrists and ankles and was coughing from all the dust in the closet that had flown up from rolling around so much trying to free himself. As Mr. Macy untied Father Charles he was asking him a million questions.
Father Charles had been kidnaped by the giant beetle by the name of Green Sun and the only reason that “Father Johnny” was doing well in services was because he was being told what to do by Father Charles. Green Sun had planned to take Father Charles back to the beetle colony because he wanted the beetles to convert to Catholicism.
“Why would he want the beetles to be Catholic?”
“Green Sun told me that he thought studying a religion would decrease the fighting among the beetles.”
Mr. Macy paused a moment and thought of the violent history of catholicism.
“But Father Charles, why didn’t you just suggest Buddhism?”
“Macy, I was being tortured by a giant beetle. I was trying to keep him from eating me for dinner. I convinced him that he should spend some time in a real church before going back to the colony so that he would get used to being Catholic.”
The two decided that they had to find Green Sun and convince him to leave. They put together a plan and headed to the hardware store on Main Street. Mr. Macy and Charles got lucky. As they were leaving the hardware store and were driving home they saw Green Sun sitting in the window of the bakery on the corner next to the clothing shop. He was eating a blueberry scone and drinking a cup of coffee with frothed milk and did not notice them as they walked past the window. When they got inside the bakery they calmly walked over and sat down next to him as if they were invited. “Father Johnny” spilled frothed milk all down the front of his shirt when he saw Mr. Macy and Father Charles. He tried to get up and leave but Father Charles grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back down.
“Listen up, I will tell you about Catholicism and give you a copy of the Holy Bible but if you don’t get out of here right after that then my friend Mr. Macy here has a huge chain of Japanese beetle traps and he’s not afraid to…
“Wait!” interrupted Mr. Macy. “I think I want to come with you to the colony.”
“Are you crazy!?” yelled Father Charles.
“I’ve alway wondered what it’s like to be a beetle and I have always loved beetles. This would be an amazing way to study them,” said Mr. Macy
Father Charles immediately started explaining to both of them how the Bible works and what Catholicism is all about (which took about thirty minutes) even though Mr. Macy already knew all of this because he had been a Catholic his whole life. When he was finished all three went back to the church and Father Charles taught him a little about praying and singing. Father Charles went and found a copy of “The Holy Bible” and told him about the important parts and the parts that he must never forget and the parts that you say at the beginning and the end of services.
The next day a car of people (beetles) arrived and Mr. Macy noticed that all of them were less than half the size of Green Sun. They were each about three feet tall and looked like young children because of their height. When they came into the church Green Sun gave them the Bible, told them to wait in the car and to hold their questions.
Green Sun told Mr. Macy that it was time to go and asked Father Charles not to tell anyone that Father Johnny was actually a beetle. As Green Sun and Mr. Macy were driving away, Father Charles headed back to Mr. Macy’s house to meet with the dead beetle club. Before he left, Mr. Macy called his friends to explain that he had a once in a lifetime opportunity to study a human sized beetle species. He explained to them that he would miss them very much and told them to welcome the new player Father Charles to the club. Before leaving Mr. Macy had explained in detail the rules to him, made him his own origami box for collecting beetles then called up all his friends to come play with him.
Everybody ended up coming eager to meet the new player and they all brought their beetle collecting boxes that Mr. Macy had made them when they started playing dead beetles. Mr. Macy had told him the best places to find the dead beetles. Herman Sarzey set the timer and yelled, “On Your Marks Get Set Go!”
Everyone was off running across the huge yard to the bushes and to the bottom of trees and even Father Charles knew exactly where he was going. He jumped off the porch and raced to the end of the wooden fence at the very edge of the yard where he found lots of dead Japanese beetles. Next he went to the rose bush on the other side of the yard where he found Mr. Pans picking up a big black beetle.
“Wow that’s a big one” said Father Charles.
“Yeah and I got it first” called Mr. Pans as he went running across the yard. Mr. Pans ended up getting first place, then Charles, then Billybob in third place. Later that week they got a postcard from the beetle colony saying that all the beetles loved the church services and that Green Sun thought that he was now very good at leading services and enjoyed doing it very much. Mr. Macy said that he was eating beetle food and that he thought the beetles were very hospitable and treated him like family.
THE END
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