Why Me?

By Hazel Kinnersley

Dedicated to anyone in need of an escape

Maple Leaf Writing Project

Brattleboro, Vermont

Prologue

The whistle of a nearby train rattles through our dingy apartment. I lie in bed, scribbling furiously in a blank paperback book. I glance around the room searching for inspiration. My bed and the space around it is blank and monotone except for a small, wooden bedside table which contains only my alarm clock and dozens of my story books which I had quickly filled from cover to cover with my writing.

My eyes jump to the bunk-bed in one corner of the room where two small lumps slowly rose and fell. On the far wall were pictures of Cally and Aiden on their first days of preschool, at Cally’s kindergarten soccer game, and Aiden's first birthday.

I think of Sam in the other room, probably still working on his college applications. He’s hoping to get a scholarship. Our mother can’t afford to send him to college without one. Even if she had the money she’d end up spending it all at the bar.

I finger the jagged scar that runs across my left shoulder blade and wince. That was one of the worst moments of my life, of all thirteen years. Most of it is a blur of pain and regret, but some parts I remember in excruciating detail.

My mother’s fearsome shouts, the metal leg from some dismantled Ikea nightstand cracking against my back, leaving a wound not bad enough to need a hospital, but clear enough so I could remember never to cross her again. Though the scar has faded to a dull white, much in contrast to my dark skin, I will never forget that memory, or how she hurt me, or how I will never feel safe again.

Chapter 1

My eyes snap open to Aiden whining and Cally jumping on my bed. I groan and scrunch the nearest pillow over my head.

“Get up Sophie, get up!” Cally shouts in my ear, “You're going to be late for school!”

I peep my head out from under the pillow to glance at the old clock on my dresser, 7:40. The bus leaves at 7:50, I’m going to be late! I jump out of bed and quickly slip on some faded jeans, a plain brown t-shirt, and a shabby denim jacket I had got as a hand me down from Sam. I glance at the shut door to my mother’s bedroom, I can hear her snores. I always feel nervous leaving the little ones home alone with her, but I know she would never hurt them, they were her perfect, sweet, oblivious children.

“Sam’s already gone,” Cally squeals after me as I grabbed my back-pack, another hand me down, from the kitchen, “He told me to wake you up!”

A smile dances across my lips as the light screen door swings shut behind me. No matter how messed up my life gets I will always remember who I was doing it all for. Maybe today will be a good day, I think as I trot down the hard wooden stairs.

I trudge through the foggy March air. My enthusiasm for school quickly died on the stair well as I remember that dreaded bus.

Maybe she wouldn’t find me this time, maybe she’d find someone else to bully, maybe I could make it through unharmed. Maybe this time.

My Aunt Clare always told me I was special, and they only tried to knock me down because they saw that. She said that if I just stood up to them they would leave me alone.

But it’s never that simple, I was different, strange, not like the rest, and I couldn’t change that, no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t change. But still they kept trying, and would keep trying until I broke, like a discarded toy. Once broken I would be forgotten, but never the same.

I look up to see the bus driver staring expectantly at me through the bus’s open doors. My knees are trembling, but I try hard to not let the fear show. I step cautiously onto the bus, not taking my eyes off the floor. I slide into a seat in the middle row and stare out the window, maybe if she couldn’t see my face she wouldn’t recognize me.

“Hey, Stupid,” calls a throaty voice from the other side of the aisle.

I know exactly who is talking to me and the thought of what is sure to come next makes me almost want to cry. I turn slowly to face Denise, the husky girl smirking at me across the aisle with her equally burly posse.

“Why do you hate me?” I choke out.

“I don’t hate you exactly, but if you were on fire and I had water, I would drink it.” Denise laughs.

I take a deep breath. I feel the bus slowing down to a stop. As I watch Denise laugh I decide now is as good a time as any to try to stand up for myself.

I take another deep breath. “Denise,” I try to sound brave but my voice comes out in a shaky squeak as Denise turns to stare at me. I can’t do it, I can’t stand up to her, not now. I had planned in my mind to hit her with a witty insult, but instead I just get up and make a run for the exit, but my backpack hits Denise as I try to scamper for the door.

Denise’s eyes fill with rage. I try to keep going but Denise gets hold of the side pocket of my backpack. I pull hard hoping I can escape. I hear a ripping noise and I tumble through the bus’s open doors. My palms scape against the rough pavement but all I can think of is the pounding footsteps on the buses metal steps.

I scramble to my feet and bolt towards the nearby scrap yard hoping I can lose them.

The scrap yard is only a few yards away. I sprint as fast as I can weaving my way between the piles of scrap metal. I spot a dented and beaten taxi cab and quickly scramble through the open backseat window.

I shuffle under the back seats, trying as hard as I can not to make a

sound. I can hear their footsteps moving closer and closer. I don’t move, I don’t breathe. Suddenly, the cab starts to shake, but I hold fast to the underside of the seats. Finally I hear Denise’s gruff voice outside. “She’s not here, but don’t worry, we’ll get her tomorrow.”

What happens next is all a blur. I couldn’t feel the minutes, hours, passing, I couldn’t remember if I was awake staring into space, or dreaming.

A loud noise startles me out of my haze. The sun is creeping lower in the sky, and by the looks of it, it’s late afternoon. I creep out of the cab, searching for the source of the noise. Behind a pile of disassembled car parts I see a swinging tail with a small tuft of golden hair at its tip. Then suddenly, it disappears.

Enticed, I venture further and come face to face with a majestic, golden lion. Behind it is a small creature with the body of a lion and the head and wings of an eagle. I recognize it from the storybooks in the library, a griffin, but it was much smaller than I imagined. I am frightened, shocked, and amazed all at once.

Let us welcome you, I heard a small, youthful, and slightly scratchy voice, but it was like it was hearing it through my mind not my ears. You have struggled long and hard, now you must learn to overcome.

“Who said that?” I ask warily, not wanting to startle the creatures.

It was I.

I look down to see the tiny griffin at my feet.

Come with us, to fix your life Sophie, come with us to fulfill your dreams.

Awestruck I follow the griffin. What else am I supposed to do?

The lion in tow, I follow the griffin on a winding path through piles of glinting metal, the farther we walk the more I seem to realize how beautiful this place can be, if you just look a little closer. Finally, we rounded the last bend.

In front of me was a gleaming hideaway formed from warped and twisted metal.

Please, sit.

I sat, somehow I trusted them and felt comfort in their words, well, the griffin’s words ( the lion didn’t talk much ).

Sophie, you need to stand your ground , you need to have faith, and compassion, and sympathy. Meet us here at dawn. Now go, Sam might be worried.

I stand, thank them, and travel swiftly home, I need to get to bed quickly if I want to get up early tomorrow.

When I get home Sam was waiting at the door. “ Where were you! ”

“I’m fine. I just went to the library after school and lost track of time.” I lied.

Before Sam could say anything else, Mother stumbled out of her bedroom.

“Sophie, your dinner’s on the table, cold. You can eat it in your room since, apparently, you’re too busy to a part of this family.”

I have to restrain myself from scoffing. She doesn’t want me as a part of the family. But I stay silent, take my cold slice of pizza from the kitchen counter, and slink into my room. pizza from the kitchen counter, and slink into my room.

Chapter 2

My alarm woke me at the crack of dawn the next day. I quickly shut it off so as not to wake the little ones. But who was I kidding, they woke up on their own schedule, if they wanted to sleep nothing could wake them.

I slipped on a dull yellow dress I had got from my cousin, I liked the high neckline, three quarter sleeves, and shin length hem because they it covered almost all of my skin, and more importantly my scars. I quickly brushed and braided my dark hair, threw on my denim jacket, grabbed my backpack, and a granola bar from the kitchen cabinet, and slipped out unnoticed.

The air outside was cool and misty, but I barely felt the cold, I was excited and jittery, they could help me, maybe give my super strength to send Denise soaring through the atmosphere like in one of my stories.

I finally reached the scrap yard, shining in all its glory. I remember exactly where to go to find them, and all the way I could only think of how something this incredible was happening to me!

I found them there waiting for me. When I walked closer they gestured for me to be seated.

Welcome back Sophie.

“Thank you so much for having me!” I reply, trying to contain my excitement. “So, how are you going to help me with Denise? Are you going to give me magical powers, or a fire-breathing dragon or something!”

We will help guide you, but you must ride the bike on your own, we are merely the training wheels while you push the pedals.

“What?” I ask confused and disappointed, “Couldn’t you at least give me a push?”

The griffin just chuckled. Today is a big day Sophie, the day you turn your life around, and you mustn't be late.

“ But I thought you were going to help me!” I plead desperately.

Do not worry, I will be with you.

“Fine,” I relinquished, “ But I’m not taking the bus.”

❊❊❊

I jog to school, luckily it’s only a few blocks away, but I still arrive sweaty and breathing heavily. Just my luck, the day I’m supposed to change my life and I arrive a mess.

Don’t worry, Sophie, today you will shine.

It was the griffin, he was inside my head! But considering all that had been going on I decided not to freak out, I had absolutely no reason to. Of course the

magical, talking griffin, could enter people’s minds, how silly of me not to have thought of that.

I heaved myself through the school’s large double doors, when Denise’s words came to mind; Don’t worry we’ll get her tomorrow. I trembled at the thought of what they would do to me.

Don’t be afraid Sophie, you are stronger than all of them.

I highly doubted that, and the griffin’s constant motivational quotes were starting to get on my nerves. Distracted, I wasn’t looking where I was going and walked right into my locker.

“Ouch” I muttered, rubbing my head.

“Are you okay, Stupid? I wouldn’t want you to knock out the few brain cells that you have.” Denise.

Build up your courage Sophie, you can do this.

I can’t. All I do is turn and walk away to my class. Sometimes it’s just too soon. But I’ll confront her next time, I tell myself, next time. But what if I can’t do it next time, what if I never do it.

My class and the one after that are just a blur of anxiousness, what will I say to her, how can I do this, and the griffin reciting inspirational quotes from what sounded like cheesy cat posters.

Believe in yourself.

You can do this.

UUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Chapter 3

I searched the cafeteria for an available seat, hoping someone would offer, but nobody did. I sighed, I guess I’d just eat in the girls’ bathroom again, it wasn’t too bad.

“Look at Stupid, all alone. She doesn’t even have the courage to speak. No wonder she doesn’t have any friends. It would be like talking to a brick wall. A pathetic, worthless, stupid brick wall.”

I looked up to see Denise smirking at me from the other end of the cafeteria, and her posse around her, laughing like a pack of hyenas. I then realized that this wasn’t how I wanted to live my life, in constant fear and shame, and that this time I didn’t have to just accept that. I don’t know if that thought came from the griffin or me, but I did know that I wasn’t going to let Denise push me around anymore.

I then walked right up to Denise and glared right at her.

“Denise, I am sick and tired of putting up with your delusional games. I don’t know why you make it your goal to torment me, but I’m done with it!”

I was over her, I wouldn’t give let her control me anymore. As I walked out of that cafeteria, I know there’s someone else I need to stand up to, and it won’t be as easy as it was with Denise.

❊❊❊

As I walk home it begins to rain,and I became nervous and scared of what I was about to do.

You know it is not over yet, don’t you.

When I got home I saw Mother by the sink with her back to me.

She turns, her eyes red. “What are you doing here!” she snaps. “You should be in school, doing...whatever the heck you do. You should savor the time you have in school now, because you sure as hell won’t be going to college,” she laughs. “Like Sam, who won’t be going either.”

“What about his partial college fund?” I ask, shocked.

“There is no college fund!” she screeches.

She lunges directly at me, grabbing me by my shoulders. I could smell the alcohol on her breath.

“I have worked for years trying to keep us afloat, and you have been nothing but ungrateful! Always wanting me to use my hard earned money for your stuff, like new clothes and books, than what I want! This is my life, this is about me!”

At that moment I realize that she never should have been a mother, she was too selfish, and too unkind. I need to get away from her. I bolt down the stairs but I can hear her screaming behind me.

I burst into the pouring rain, bumping into Sam who was coming home from an early release. I think he tried to call out to me but I couldn’t hear him, I just wanted to get away, from all of it.

I run as fast as I can, I don’t even notice where I’m going until I’m there, in the scrap yard. I collapse on the lion. The griffin nuzzles itself under my arm. They don’t say anything, but I could feel them supporting me.

“Sophie!” I open my eyes to see Sam standing in front of me, his clothes drenched from the rain, the cloudy sky casting shadows across his face.

“What are you doing here with these strays?”

I was confused, what strays? Then I looked down at the griffin’s beak and wings, but instead saw the muzzle of a cat and large patches of discolored fur on it’s sides, and resting under my head was not a lion’s mane, but the scraggly hair of a scruffy, blonde mutt.

For a second I was shocked, then I understood. There was never a griffin, or a lion, and that was okay. Maybe I was the griffin, I was the lion. Maybe I had helped myself see the parts of me that I didn’t even know existed. But looking down at them now I saw that they were just like me, just wanting a home, a place to belong.

Epilogue

A few weeks later Aunt Clare won custody over me, Cally, and Aiden. It turns out they had been working on the case for a while now. Mother’s living in a special hospital now to deal with her problems. It’s actually really nice there, and we still go to visit her every Sunday.

Sam finally told us the big news, he now has a full scholarship to Harvard and is leaving next fall, but he promises to visit as often as he can. It’s okay because I have new friends now, it turns out that standing up to the biggest bully in school is pretty cool, so I’ll never have to eat lunch alone again.

I almost forgot, we have two new additions to our family, and their names are Griffin and Lion. I decided that there was no better place for them, and I couldn't bear to leave them anyway. You know what they say, birds of a feather flock together.

Now looking around the soft yellow walls of my room, where my sketches hang, where my storybooks are displayed proudly in mahogany book shelves, I realize that I am finally the person I want to be, the person I was all along. Confident, brave, safe, and happy, finally happy.

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