Now I Know it Wasn't a Bear

Now I Know it Wasn’t a Bear

By Zola von Krusenstiern

This book is dedicated to my wonderful family, who have helped me all along the way.

Maple Leaf Writing Project

Brattleboro, VT

Copyright 2014

Once when I was eight years old I remember being in the car with a kid in my class. His mom was driving and we noticed she had a band-aid on her nose. We asked her why and she told us this elaborate story about how a bear scratched her. We laughed and didn’t question it.

can-cer (noun) : a serious disease caused by cells that are not normal and that can spread to one or many parts of the body

Cancer is awful. It pounces on you with no warning and doesn’t let go until it’s finished. I should know. My life has always had some sort of cancer in it. My maternal grandfather died from cancer. He had pancreatic cancer, which is a cancer near your stomach. I never got to meet him because he died two years before I was born. My great uncle, who was my grandfather’s brother, had skin cancer, or melanoma, and died when I was seven years old. My mother’s long-time friend, Jen, who lived with us for a while, had ovarian cancer for three years. She died last June.

Now that you see how much cancer has been in my life you can probably understand my pain when I found out last summer that two of my uncles have cancer. I couldn’t believe that this could happen and that my family had to go through this right after Jen died.

My Uncle John, my father’s brother, has lung cancer. He has smoked for around thirty-five years. Smoking is one of the main reasons people get lung cancer because cigarettes have tar in them, which sticks to the inside of their lungs.

When my mom told my brother and me that her oldest brother Tom had esophagus cancer I was surprised. How could he get cancer? He was so healthy. He never was a smoker or heavy drinker. Tom only found out that he had cancer a month ago, because he was having trouble swallowing when he ate and he went to the doctor to get it checked out.

I haven’t seen either of my uncles since they found out that they had cancer, because they don't live too close to us. Even though I don't see them, my parents tell me what is going on. Hopefully I will see them soon.

As you probably have noticed, cancer isn't exactly a word that brings up good memories in my family. I just hope this story has a happy ending.

Update I - November

John - had chemotherapy, radiation therapy, surgery removing part of his lung, and is now having radiation therapy again.

Tom - tried chemo, but they discovered he has a syndrome that prevents his body from producing new blood, so he is going to have surgery to remove the part of his esophagus that is infected by cancer.

por-trait (noun) : a representation or impression of someone in language or painting.

John is my father's second oldest brother. He is tall and thin with a red beard and big blue eyes. My father's family is German and John was the only one born in the United States. His parents were here as journalists. He is married and has four kids in their twenties: Mary Elizabeth (or Mary Liz), Nick, Kate and Johann. John lives in Washington half of the year and Hawaii the other. He is fifty-four, but retired due to his business being so successful. When he was in college, majoring in geology, he began working at a recycling center and then made his own company when he was in his thirties. His company would take paper from other places, shred it up, and then send it to businesses in East Asia. John did this for twenty years and still owns half of the company. He is very kind and generous but also shy or quiet at times.

My mother's oldest brother Tom is fifty-one and was born in New York. He has salt and pepper hair with blue eyes. Tom is always smiling. He is also married and has two kids: Nick, who is fifteen and Ian, who is eleven. He lives in Brooklyn, New York, but also has a house in the Catskills, which is in Upstate New York. He is an artist and an art director at an advertising agency. He is very talented like his father (my grandfather) was and always loves drawing. When I was younger I would ask him to draw me something. I have three pictures altogether. One of a fairy sitting on a flower, another of a boy and a girl figure skating, and the last of a mermaid. Tom is very creative.

Update II - November

John - still having radiation therapy.

Tom - surgery changed to having the whole esophagus removed instead of just part of it. Also, surgery was postponed.

thanks (plural noun) : an expression of gratitude

Thanksgiving is a time when family and friends come together. When they get to see people they may not have seen in a while. For me I finally got to see Tom, for the first time since he was diagnosed with cancer. It was great to see him and his family. John was in Hawaii so I didn’t get to see him. It was exciting to see family, but it seemed like we basically ignored the fact that Tom was sick. Sometimes I heard the adults talking about how his surgery kept getting changed, or how he was feeling, but most of the time it was like normal. I guess that’s a good thing. Tom and my Aunt Brigitte are probably already so scared and anxious that it was nice to have a short vacation.

Even though my family is going through this hard stage, I think we should still consider all the things we are thankful for. Like me, I am thankful for my family, my friends, the people that help me get through the challenges of everyday routine. During the most difficult times, you should always think about the good things, or what you are grateful for in life. That is what gives us hope.

Update III - December

John - finished radiation therapy.

Tom - surgery postponed again.

re-call (verb) : bring back into one’s mind

When my dad was sixteen he wanted to visit his older brother, Fred, who was going to college in San Francisco. John, who was twenty one, was also heading west, so he and my dad decided to drive together across the country. They took John’s little gray VW beetle, which must have been sort of squished because they are both tall guys, and drove for three days non stop, switching off the driving. As they drove, since John studied to be a geologist, he would describe the different rock formations that they passed. They got to spend quality time together and talk about things they might not have usually had time for, like their family or what they wanted to do with their lives. Even though it was a short period of time, they got to be together and bond.

In college my mom would write letters back and forth with Tom. He worked at an advertising company and he got a lot of photographers’ postcards. He would send them to my mom, sometimes with a little picture that he had drawn. Some had different models on them while others had still life photography or illustrations. My mom would get about one every week, and always was happy to find them in the mail. This went on for almost five years. When Tom met Brigitte, his future wife, the letter writing started to slow down. My mom missed them but she was happy for Tom. She always kept them and at Tom’s fiftieth birthday last year she made them into a little book and gave it as a gift.

Update IV - January

John - planting banana trees in Hawaii.

Tom - surgery went well but his vocal cords became separated so it’s hard for him to talk. He texts my mom a lot. Is now back at home, has a feeding tube but can also eat soft foods.

mem-o-ries (plural noun) : something remembered from the past; a recollection

One memory that my cousins and I always have about Tom is something that happened a few years ago on New Year’s Eve. The whole family had come up from New York and were staying at our house. Every year we celebrate together, playing different traditional German fire games and doing our own fireworks. This time when Tom lit one of the fireworks it started spinning towards him so he tried to run away but he slipped on the ice that was hard to see in the dark. Thinking the firework might still get him he rolled to safety. Luckily he didn’t get hurt and we have always laughed when we think of it. You may think that it is ironic that he got through this just to have cancer, but I hope that he will be able to find a way to roll to safety again.

When I was eight years old my family and I went to visit John in Bellingham, Washington. He decided to take us to the Marine Life Center. It was cool to see because in Vermont you don’t see sea animals a lot. There is a touch pool there that lets you touch different animals like hermit crabs, sea stars, urchins and other small fish. There was also a tank where you could climb under and go into a little plastic bubble and look at the different types of fish and crabs. After that we went to the beach where we found a big see-saw that someone had made out of driftwood. My brother and I went on it. At this moment we were so happy, that whatever happens it won’t erase this memory.

Update V - January

John - going to have more tests done. Also, he has been riding his bike and eating healthy foods.

Tom - feeding tubes out! Getting bored at home.

hope (noun) : believing that something good may happen

Hope. It’s a lot to think about. It could be different for everyone. For me it’s hoping that everyone will end up okay. That we will get to spend at least a few more years with people who are special to us.

Even though my family has had a lot of bad experiences with cancer I have never heard anyone say something bad that could happen. We never even mention the possibility that we could lose someone we love.

I know that some people do get through cancer, my family has a few friends who have survived it. One of them was a mom of a kid I used to go to school with; the mom who told us about the bear. The others are a father, who had colon cancer, and his daughter, who had breast cancer. They are all now perfectly recovered. This is one of the things that brings my family hope.

Update VI - February

John - back in Washington for a CAT scan and had to stay in the hospital for a day. After he saw several different doctors.

Tom - had trouble swallowing again and they were worried he would lose weight. It’s bad for him to lose weight because they want him to get stronger to heal faster.

un-cer-tain (adjective) : not known or definite

You are probably used to stories that have a beginning, middle and end. I know I am. Stories like those are easier. You have basically everything planned, you don’t have to think too much about what to write next.

This story, my story, doesn’t have an ending. What’s going to happen is unknown. At times uncertainty can be very scary. You feel like you have no power over what’s going to happen.

Update VII - February

John - tests results back and they were great! Nothing was showing and for now he has no cancer. He doesn’t have to get anymore treatment for a while and is coming back in two months for more tests.

Tom - had to have a procedure done where they put a tool down his throat and inflated a “balloon” to open it up because it was getting closed from scar tissue.

con-clude verb: bring something to an end

Life is full of surprises, good and bad. We can’t be aware of what will occur in the future. If everything will be alright or not. Some people might say that they wish they knew what was always going to happen, but we don’t. We just have to treasure every moment, with every person we love or cherish, because it may be the last.