BLURRED LINES

Written and illustrated by: Vanessa Jones

Dedicated to everybody who has ever been in pain and Jarrett J. Krosoczka the author of the story this inspired by. Hey Kiddo.

Maple Leaf Writing Project

Brattleboro VT

2019

-Chapter 1-

Goodnight kisses

NOVEMBER 15 1962, Riley's writing number 1

My mom was not very happy today because apparently I was “annoying” and “drivin her bonkers.” I don't even know what bonkers means. Don't you just hate it when adults, more so parents say things and you have to act like you know what they're saying, when usually you don't, because I certainly do.

My mom has been yelling at me to take a shower and brush my teeth, like I don't know what brushing teeth and taking a shower is. Seriously I don't need her to lecture me about it so if it makes her happy I'll get in the shower and brush my teeth.

November 16 1962, Riley’s writing number 2

Today has not been a good day. Caden got taken by the state. And I’m still stuck at my mom’s house. I really wanna go with Caden but I can't, and I don't even know why. Tears are trickling down my face and it is making my face feel like there is bugs crawling on it. I have to go to bed now.

November 17 1962, Riley’s writing number 3

It's the next day and my mom is not home so I'm trying to decide if I should skip school or not. I think I might go because I don't want my mom to find out if I were to skip school because she would get extremely abusive and mean.

November 18 1962, Riley’s writing number 4

This morning was terrible. My mom was screaming at me the entire morning. Before I went to school today I kept getting flashbacks of when Caden was born, like when I was in the other room and I could hear him crying and I remember being so happy that I almost cried.

Today I walked to school in the pouring rain and it was like two degrees out.

Crying, I ran to my school. There was worry more so terror in everyone else's eyes as they saw me randomly bawling my eyes out. But didn't care. All I cared about was the fact that Caden goes to this school and I really wanted to see him.

November 19 1962, Riley’s writing number 5

Caden was not at school yesterday or today, I was told he may not go to the school I go to anymore. Today my mom left the house again so I played outside a little bit, but it wasn't really that fun because I didn't have Caden to play with. I really miss him, but I kinda just have to learn how to deal with not living with him anymore.

My life Is slowly turning upside down just like when you go on a rollercoaster it turns you on the loopedy loops and it makes you question. Should have I gone on this ride? Was this a good idea? That's just like life, you have bad parts that gives you regrets and then they are good parts that makes you wanna go again. Life is a roller coaster there is good and bad parts, but your gonna wanna go on other rides. If there is an opportunity that you can take whether it's good or bad. Take it, because there may not be a tomorrow , so cherish the day like it's your last day on earth.

November 20 1962, Riley's writing number 6

I heard the news about the whole Caden situation, and I was informed that it is correct. Caden's fosters are moving so he's getting new foster parents and they live kind of far away. So yes, sadly he's moving schools. But again like I said I have to learn how to deal with it.

But today has overall been a good day. It was nice out too. The sun was shining and it was at least fifty degrees.

Today we started a poetry class and I hate it. Who would wanna sit around all day and make stupid rhymes, because I certainly don't want to. It's kinda like I'm writing a Dr. Seuss book. I give a lot of respect to that guy because he has to sit around all day long and write annoying rhymes. I don't really mind reading them but I cannot watch a movie made by Dr. Seuss. I just couldn't do it.

November 21 1962, rileys writing number 7

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am not ready. Usually you would eat good food. But my “family” does the complete opposite. We just eat junk food like candy that was left over from Halloween and stuff like that. Getting through the holidays is not what you call, well...easy in our family, since my mom doesn't work, so we're not really rich. In fact we're so poor that my mom can barely afford where we live. All I know is that tomorrow is not gonna be easy.

We also did not have school today, because we had Thanksgiving break. Of course I was home alone most of it but I would rather be home alone, than have my mom screaming at me twenty four/seven . So I don't really mind.

November 22, 1962, Rileys writing number 8

An update on Caden. I get visits with him every Wednesday. Today was wednesday, so therefore I visited Caden today.

Today wasn't necessarily the worst day of my life, except for the fact that I didn't eat breakfast, lunch, or dinner because we have no food at all in my house.

November 25 1962, Riley's writing number 9

Hey guys I know that it's been three days since I wrote you but my mom is basically holding me hostage. She hasn't been letting me go to school, and she hasn't been letting me leave the house. I don't know if you can tell but my life is going on another loopedy loop, and I just can't seem to get out of it. You might be wondering why I don't escape, run away, or get out of this place but trust me… I've tried. So many times that my mom will know my plan if I try again. But anyways, I better go before I drench my journal in tears.

It's one hour later, I just tried to run away. My mom punched me. Now I have a black eye. My mom said if I don't lie about where it came from, that I would get another one on my other eye. Which is scary for an 11 year old, but trust me it has happened so much to me that I'm kind of used to it now.

November 26 1962, Riley's writing number 10

“I CAN'T HANDLE YOU ANYMORE RILEY!!!!!!”

My mom has been saying that a lot lately, not surprising, she hates me, always has, always will. I don't really care though because I hate her too. Yes she may be the person who birthed me, but I don't really care, because she doesn't care about me. Yeah that might've sounded confusing but whatever, update about my mom I'm allowed to go to school tomorrow.

Chapter 2

Say goodbye to my life

November 27 1962, Riley's writing number 11

Today wasn't what you call “great” I mean, I still have a black eye, and teachers kept asking where I got it from and I had to lie every single time, and it started to get on my nerves. But if I didn't lie about where it came from I would have two, and I would much rather have one black eye then two. Don't you agree?

I almost forgot about this, today was my best friend Mia's birthday. I know I haven't talked about her much, but that's because I haven't seen her in awhile. But anyways I didn't get to go to her party because of course my mom wouldn't let me. My mom is NOT overprotective, but yet she doesn't let me go anywhere. It might sound confusing to you but I’m used to it.

November 28 1962, Riley's writing number 12

“NOOOOO!!!!!” I woke up from a nightmare shaking in fear. My mom barged in my room screaming “WHY ARE YOU STILL AWAKE!!!!” At this moment I got even more scared, my mom had that “I hate you” look in her eyes. This isn't just any look. This is the look that she gives me when she's about to hit me. This is even more scary than when she is hitting me because I don't know if she is really gonna hit me or not.

This is never gonna end. I went to the doctors yesterday and they said that I was so malnourished that if I didn't start gaining weight I could possibly develop an eating disorder. Like I said this is never gonna end. Those good and bad roller coasters, have turned into horrible and harsh car crashes. They never get better...they only get worse.

November 30 1962, Riley's writing number 13

I didn't write yesterday because I went to the doctor’s again and they said I unfortunately did develop an eating disorder. And yes, you might be wondering how it's possible in only three days that I could develop an eating disorder. It's rare, but it's possible. So I have to start doing treatments to get me more healthy. I personally don't think that that's the worst idea I've ever heard. But I don't really know.

December 1 1962, Riley's writing number 15

I know, I know. I didn't write yesterday either. The reason being because I didn't really have anything, “special” happen to me yesterday. I haven't really been having the most “extravagant” time of my life. Because of course I have mental and physical issues. It's kinda hard with doctors appointments school and stuff I've been way to busy.

So enough jibber jabber. Lets get on to what really happened today. First of all I woke up with spider bites all over me. As to how, I have no idea. I don't think I did anything bad to the spiders to make them bite me. And yes, I have tried to get rid of the spiders but once I found them they had like thirty to forty babies. And I had to deal with getting rid of those. And the same thing just kept happening and happening and so on

Chapter 3

Taking action

December 2 1962, Riley's writing number 16

I'm starting to feel like I get taken advantage of. People at school try to manipulate me into thinking that I'm a horrible person and that I deserve everything my mom has done to me. Which I know that I don't but still. It is starting to get on my nerves. And I just can't take it anymore. I need to do something about it, but what? The people in my life aren't what you call helpful. Most of my family are social outcasts, horrible people, or parents that also abuse their kids. Yeah, I know it's horrible. Isn't it?

Anyway, I really do have to start thinking about what I'm gonna do to save myself from this madness I call “life” and to be honest I'm scared. Obviously for an 11 year old girl trying to survive on a meal a week and getting abused every day isn't exactly what you call amazing. And that meal is barely a meal, it consists of candy from Halloween and that's basically about it. And trust me that doesn't really help with my eating disorder, because I need to start eating, and I can't because my mom is really poor. It's hurtful to think about, because I can't do anything to help me. My mom can't afford to send me to rehab and even if she could, she wouldn't.

December 3 1962, Riley’s writing number 17

I'm starting to plan how I’m gonna take action about being manipulated. If I don't I'll probably die. I know that's harsh, blunt ,and scary...but it's the truth. My mom is abusive. I have an eating disorder. And most importantly, my mom is poor and I can't do anything to help it. She wouldn't help it anyway even if she had the money. She is just a sick, twisted human being. Can you even call her human?

The only thing I have really done to take action is try to run away, and obviously that hasn't worked so I don't know what I’m gonna do,

But anyway today is Tuesday and I’m excited because I get to go to visit Caden tomorrow .

December 4 1962, Riley's writing number 18

I'm currently in town. In an alley, a dark, dark alley. I was successful with running away this time. The only reason I escaped from my house this time is because my mom wasn't home. My mom is probably not even bothering to look for me. I hear sirens. I don't know if they're for me, but I think they are. I better get a head start on running away from the police.

I don't know what I'm gonna do, where I'm gonna stay, or how I'm gonna survive. But I survived with my mom for eleven years, so I think I should be fine. My mom only ever loved me when I was a small child, she would hug me and I remember feeling so loved. But that changed as soon as she got out of rehabilitation. Drugs change lives, makes people psycho, and most importantly makes parental figures abuse their children. Life was so much better back than. Hugs by everyone I knew and loved. But like I said that changed and since then, I haven't really felt “loved” after that.

The visit to Caden’s didn't go well, I had to rush and I felt bad that I didn't get to stay very long. His fosters we're questioning why I was leaving so early, but all I could say was “it's getting late.”

December 5 1962, Riley's writing number 19

It's the next day. I slept next to a garbage can. Why you may ask? Well as you know I ran away yesterday. I was successful and I’m now very far away from my house. Luckily the cops didn't find me while I was asleep, because obviously that would be bad. If they did I would probably be dragged right back into the place I call “home.”

My mom was never really the fun or happy type. She would hurt me both physically and emotionally. It has gotten to the point where I gave up and began cutting. I tried to commit suicide a couple of times. I have various suicide notes that were written before my attempts.

My life came crashing down when I was three years old. I started to act different. My mom and dad divorced. I lived with my grandma for two years while my mom was in rehabilitation. I wish it could've stayed that way but my grandma passed away when I was six. I was devastated. Of course my mom than later got out of rehab and a couple months later we moved back in with her. That was when my mom began to start abusing drugs such as heroin and cocaine.

At the time I was kind of an awkward kid. Walking to school in the same dainty old clothes every day. People would tease me and call me poor. They weren't wrong. I was poor. I lived on the streets with my drug addict mom and baby brother. My life was, and still is terrible.

Chapter 4

Sirens

December 7 1962, Riley's writing number 20

I hear sirens all around me. I'm gonna have to go back to that traumatizing place. I don't know what I’m gonna do but I’ll check in with you later, and yes, I know I don't write a lot anymore. Well I didn't write yesterday but you know what I mean.

The sirens are beginning to get louder. I'm not even gonna try to run away this time. If I go back home, too bad, if I don't great. But I give up. My life is officially over. I may not be physically dead but inside is a different story. My brain is going in so many different directions right now. I think I might be going crazy

December 10 1962, Riley's writing number 21

Foster care has always been one of my biggest fears. The idea of being taken into a random strangers house just sounds scary. Why do I bring this up, you may be asking? Well that's because I am currently in a random strangers house. There is a lot of police in here. My mom is in a police car with two other officers. I see a familiar shadow. A small one. Is that...CADEN??!! OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!! I can't believe that, that's Caden. I'll be right back I need to go see him.