St. Teresa of Avila

I lived a life of struggle trying to get closer to Him, and yet at the same time worldly things kept me away. At the convent, I was liked by everyone, and I liked being liked by everyone. At the time, there were women who stayed when they had no place to go even if they didn’t have vocations, which came with a streamline of visitors and hysteria. This caused the spiritual life at the convent to be filled with nonsense, and which caused great struggle for me.

“Good morning, Sister Teresa.” Sister Maria greeted me. “How are you feeling today?” She was the only person that I truly felt close to at the convent. She was putting on her garments and getting ready to go to the chapel and prayed with the other sisters.

“I’m feeling okay, today.” I politely responded to Sister Maria. “Thank you for asking.” Recently, I have been feeling unwell. My skin changed to pale yellow and my head felt like someone was taking a chisel to it, but I felt better. I finished putting on my garments and my silver rosary. I didn’t hear what Sister Maria said because I was too busy daydreaming about a certain someone. I was too busy thinking about someone I liked. His glossy black hair was as dark as night. He had these big deep brown eyes that you could stare at forever. I felt a hand gently touch my shoulder which brought me back to reality. “Are you okay Sister Teresa?” Sister Maria asked me and I nodded my head. “If you are okay, then you can pray with the other sisters today.” I immediately came up with an excuse to dismiss me from prayer. “Sister Teresa,” I said. “I can’t pray because of my sick body.” She just looked at me skeptically, and just sighed to me. She wore a look full of disappointment to me. Then she left for the chapel. She knew that I liked someone. Sometimes, some sisters would leave the convent to marry someone that visited them. They only come because there are women who stayed here with no place to go.

I quickly rushed out the door and I was speeding towards the courtyard. From a distance, I could see him. He stood out so easily in his classic military attire. I dashed to get to him faster. Once he saw me, he waved his hand high in the air with the sun falling on him so perfectly in the early morning.

“Sister Teresa, you shouldn’t be running.” He slightly scolded me and his expression showed worry. “You are not in the best of health.”

“I know,” I responded while slightly rotating my body and looking at my feet. “But running will get me to you faster, Domingo. ” Domingo brought his hand to my chin and gently forced me to look him directly in the eyes. His eyes were the brown hue that I fell in love with.

“I don’t want you to lose your health,” He told me. “I don’t want to be the cause of you falling sick again.” I just chuckled at his comment. “Now, now, I think that Sister Teresa will most likely get me sick.” I said. We continued to talk for the rest of the day. I waved goodbye when the sun was barely floating above the horizon and the sky was painted with beautiful reds and oranges.

When I walked to the dining hall, I started to feel somewhat strange. My body felt off, but I continued to walk. My body started to feel tingly and I was able to reach five steps into the dining hall until everything went dark.

I woke up and my head felt fuzzy. I sat up and I looked around. I tried to get up, but my legs couldn’t move. I saw the door open and Sister Maria came in. She moved her hand and covered her mouth. She let out a large gasp as if she had seen a ghost.

“What’s wrong, Sister Maria?” I asked her. My voice felt hoarse, scratchy and felt dry as a husk. I tried to get up and walk over, but my body refused to move, again. She ran over and she started to cry. She hugged me tightly like I would disappear if she let go. “You've just been asleep for four days. We all thought you died.” She cried to me. “We already dug a grave for you.” She clutchedmy robes in fistfulls. I hugged her back and stroked her hair to calm her down and stop her from crying more. “I need to move.” I told her. She quickly got off me.

Once again, I tried to move my lower body, but I couldn’t. I knew something was wrong. I remember that Sister Maria was sitting on my legs and I felt nothing. I touched my legs thinking that I might just be that I wasn’t paying attention, but I felt nothing. I only felt my fingers touch my leg. I pinched my legs, but once again I felt no pain. “I can’t feel my legs.” I told her my problem. Her eyes held concern. She slowly walked over to me and squeezed my leg. “Can you feel this?” Sister Maria asked. I felt nothing even when Sister Maria was squeezing my leg as hard as she could. She called for the doctor, but he couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I suffered from this condition for the next three years.

Domingo never came back to the convent. Sister Maria told me that once he found out that I was awake again. She said Domingo said “I’m sorry, but I think we shouldn’t see each other anymore.” I haven't seen him since that day.

Each time that Sister Maria came to take care of me. She always said “that we should pray together.” I always used the same excuses as before like “I was too sick” or “My sick body can’t let me do it.”

After I recovered from my condition, I barely prayed after. I thought that I was so unworthy to be with God. I thought I had sinned too much and my sins were wicked. My sins were ignoring God and other things that were minor. When I did pray, I asked St. Mary Magdalen and St. Augustine. I prayed for assistance to help me to be a better person and a faithful member to the church.

When I was 41, I remember when a priest came up to me and tried to convince me after all of Sister Maria's attempts were futile. His eyes were filled with great intent to get me back to praying and fully worshiping God with the other sisters.

“Sister Teresa, you should come back to prayer.” He said to me, at the chapel, “Prayer will help you come closer to God and He will help you with your struggles.” I was listening to him intently because I wanted to go back to God, but I still believed that I sinned too much to deserve God. “I believe that everyone deserves to be with God, no matter if they believe they are not worthy.” He continued. “ God created everyone because He believes that you deserve his time and love. He believes that you are worth it no matter if you turn him down and no matter how far you stray from Him. He believes that you deserve His love like everyone else. In turn, you should give Him your time and you must be willing to follow Him to heaven.”

His few sentences moved me. He made me want to pray more, but I still believed that I wasn’t fully ready to follow God because I was still thinking about what I did to abandon God and worry about earthly things. I said, “Thank you Father for giving me this insight. I greatly appreciate it.”

I slowly spent more time focusing on prayer in the chapel and reading confessions. I was reading from Saint Augustine’s confessions. Then I just briefly looked up from the confessions. I felt the need to get on my knees in front of the crucifix where Jesus was on. I started to cry and I felt that I cried enough to fill a whole river. I wanted to confess my sins and I could feel Mary Magdalene come to help me. With that experience, I knew that I needed to improve my spiritual life instead of continuing to focus on the worldly things. I wanted God to be a friend, not just someone who was just watching. I needed him in my life, not just watching from a distance

I started to spend even more time on praying than on talking to my friends. Each time during prayer, I could feel that I was getting closer and closer to him. Soon, I could feel Him with me in prayer and I knew that I had a relationship with God that I wanted. He became a friend, a person who I could ask for forgiveness, and He was someone that I was willing to follow. I was someone willing to serve Him in the convent.

It was a cool afternoon in the town of Avila, Spain. A young pious seven year old girl, Teresa de Cepeda y Ahumada, was quietly reading one of her favorite books about saints. Her brother, Rodrigo, was also reading but not as interested in reading his book as Teresa. Everything upstairs was as quiet as a mouse, but everything downstairs was a whole mess of chaos. Their mother was preparing their dinner for them while their father was at work. Teresa and Rodrigo were part of a big family with their eight other siblings. Their siblings were doing their chores downstairs and were busy shouting at each other to get out of their way.

Rodrigo suddenly broke the silence and said, “Hey Teresa, did you hear about the Muslims that came into town? They’re leaving town today, we should join them and become martyrs.”

Teresa had always wanted to become a martyr, she would risk her life to serve Christ, just like the saints did. She immediately looked up from her book and exclaimed, “Are you kidding! Of course, let’s go, I’m gonna pack right now. Get out of my room now and you go pack your stuff!”

Teresa shoves a very irritated Rodrigo out of her room and gets to packing. She grabs a small rucksack and puts in snacks, her favorite books, some clothes, paper and pencil to write her plan, and a picture of her family. Teresa was so excited that she finished writing her plan in a millisecond and was ready to start her new adventure. Her rucksack over her shoulder, she walks over to Rodrigo’s room to see if he is ready.

“Woah, your room is a complete mess! Don’t you ever clean this room? Ugh, it stinks in here too,” Teresa said as she was covering her nose.

“I actually like it dirty because I know where everything is. Okay um, I think I’m done. Let’s go!,” Rodrigo says, walking out of the room.

The two were ecstatic but had to quietly leave the house without anyone noticing them. They crept downstairs and went out the backdoor, their mom was too busy yelling at their brothers and sisters to even notice them. So escaping was successful, but trying to follow the Muslims would be a little harder. Teresa already had a plan set and was explaining it to Rodrigo while they were walking.

Teresa pulled out the paper she wrote on and showed it to her brother. The paper was filled with scribbles and some very rushed drawings. Her plan was to find some clothes to dress up like the Muslims and to just stay silent while they blended in with the group.

Teresa asked excitedly, “What do you think, is my plan brilliant or what?”

“What if we get caught,” Rodrigo replied, “I’m pretty sure someone will notice us.”

Finally, they spot the Muslims and immediately start running through town, shoving people out of the way and yelling at people to move. They finally get to the exit of the walls and try to blend in with the crowd leaving the town. The Muslims didn’t even notice because there were so many of them. Teresa and Rodrigo had done it, they ran away from home to become martyrs. It had been Teresa’s dream ever since she started reading about saints and their fascinating experiences and travels. She wanted to connect more with her religious roots and get away from her strict father. Now she was having regrets though because she would miss her mom, but she would come to visit and send letters. She was about to live her seven year old dream with her brother. Although she wouldn’t admit it, she was glad someone was with her. She was lost in her own thoughts until someone yelled her name.

“Teresa de Cepeda y Ahumada! Come here right now!” shouted her uncle who was on the other side of the wall. He must have spotted them when he was coming back from one of his trips.

The Muslims looked at Teresa and Rodrigo while their faces were full of embarrassment. They quickly ran back into town and stood in front of their furious uncle. Teresa was going to explain why they were running away from home and hoped that he would understand. Unfortunately, he didn’t and lectured them for ten minutes. People everywhere were staring at them and the kids felt so embarrassed.

“What are you children doing? Why are you leaving town? Your parents are probably worried because of you. It is almost sundown and you were thinking about running off with some Muslims for the rest of your lives. Your father will be furious and he might send you both off to boarding school.” yelled their uncle.

After all the yelling, their uncle walked them home and was a bit nervous about what might happen when they walked through the front door. When they entered the house, their mother was the first to greet them. She was yelling too but was mostly relieved that they hadn’t left town. She knew their hearts were in the right place. Their father on the other hand was mostly yelling and punished them by not having any friends over and being restricted to home and school. The two kids then walked up to their room in silence.

Teresa was really frustrated with her uncle because she didn’t understand why they didn’t want her to go. The saints in her book inspired her to want to make a difference in the world. Teresa decided that she wouldn’t let anyone stop her from achieving her dreams. Right there in that moment, she knew exactly what she wanted to do in her life.