1971, September 13

Dear Diary,

I just got you! My life has been like a giant roller coaster and I needed someone I could trust, to share my story with. So here we go.. hello, I’m Jimmy Smits but you probably already know that. Anyways, I love drama, the stage and the acting! The thing is, all my friends think that those who act, are wussies and can’t throw a punch in a fight or act like a man. All my friends play sports, and some of them are just downright stupid! I mean, who in the world thinks they can outsmart a test by just picking A, then B, then C. Like really, are you that stupid? It takes more brains to memorize lines than it does to play a dumb game of football!

But there is one person that they still have respect for: that person is Coach Moe. Coach Moe is the high school football coach and man, is he a hardcore dude! He has his nice moments too. It's like a love-hate relationship with him. You know if you're not putting it all out there on the field, then you're gonna be running for 30 minutes straight after the game! But you also know that he is like another dad; he will push you to your limits but he loves you like a son! So he was the first person I told my story to: before my own family, even!

When I told Coach Moe what I wanted to do, he was surprisingly pretty nice about it. He asked me two things in the conversation: One, was I sure that I wanted to leave the team? He told me that he would be the one to tell the team if I left. Which did happen, and ended up breaking up all my friendships, and I was shunned by all my other friends. The second thing he asked was: How passionate was I about joining the drama team, and if I was sure I wanted to do that? All I said was “Yes!” that entire conversation.

Now the whole team knows and I'm sort of an outcast to everyone. They won't let me sit with them, wear a jersey, or even anything else that supports the team. I do understand why they did this, because they felt betrayed about me choosing a ‘stupid’ club over them. To me, it felt like I was being betrayed by the people closest to me. Like I feel that we can still hang out even though I'm not on the football team anymore, but... I suppose we were both wrong in that case. Anyway, it’s good to talk about how I feel, Diary!

One good thing that came out of this is that even though I might have lost some good friends because of my decision, I did get a role as the Deputy in the upcoming play! It’s called ‘The Purlie Victorious.’ It’s about this African American man’s dream to be a preacher in a town full of people who dislike him because of his color. I think that I already have the script memorized, but I’m just gonna be safe and practice for the rest of my life! Ha! Wow, this writing stuff down actually works! I'm impressed; I should do this more often.

Dear Diary, (again)

1971 October 13, 2021

I’m sorry that I didn’t write to you sooner, like I intended to! I hope you don’t hate me, (even though you're just a book); I'm still sorry. Today was so intense! The play Purlie Victorious came and I did study for the whole month, practicing every second, every day! Even in my sleep, it seemed like! And when today finally came, I was so nervous I think I almost threw up about 3 times! When I got to the school's Auditorium I was dreading going onstage, but I knew I had to get out there and perform.

The time came: the seats were full: I looked out and in the first two rows, I saw the last people I wanted to see-- the whole football team! I ran to the bathroom and sat there praying that I didn't throw up! I looked at myself in the mirror and said out loud “They are gonna throw tomatoes at my face.” Just then, Moe the Football Coach came in and said, “Just Get out there and do the doggone play.” So I did.

I stepped out on stage and I performed. Let me just add, I did an awesome job at it too! I mean, like I nailed the part! At the end of the play, I saw the football players stand up, and thought this is it, the karma I deserve. Instead, they started clapping, they started a standing ovation and man did it feel good! To me, their congrats was a sign of acceptance and approval.

After the show, I went down front and finally got to talk to my Team. It felt so good to talk to them, to listen to them; all of it felt amazing! We discovered that we had sort of been thinking the same things about each other; how I thought they were avoiding me, but they thought I was avoiding them, (even though they didn’t allow me to wear the football stuff which didn’t make sense,but who cares!) We’re friends again and we will support each other.

Ok, this is probably something one of those TV shows would say and it sounds really cheesy, but it's true for me at least, so I’m just going to write it here and read it again whenever I need to remind myself later in my life. “JUST KEEP PUSHING FORWARD TOWARDS YOUR DREAMS AND DON’T STOP, NO MATTER WHAT!”

That’s it for today, Diary!