"Toxic Relatioships" by Olivia L.

Dear Year 7 Student,

I’m from Year 9 and I am going through some problems with my best friend. He recently started a relationship with a girl that is completely jealous about him spending time with his group of friends, and tries all of the time to manipulate and control him.

The month we arrived from Canada he met a girl, they were friends initially, however, in the last 2 months they started dating. Our group of friends didn’t talk too much to her, only when my friend was hanging out with us. However, recently he just stopped hanging out with us, we thought that he was occupied studying, at least it was what his girlfriend had told us. After a while we discovered by her friends that she was actually telling him that we were roasting him at his back and that she was always controlling his actions and decisions

I don’t know how to tell him this, because I don't want to argue with him and also don’t want to be sad about his girlfriend.

 I would appreciate any help,

 Anonymous

Dear Y9 student,

Recently, I analyzed and thought about the situation that you are going through right now, your friend is being manipulated by his toxic girlfriend, she took him away and lies to him so he won’t spend time with his friends, including you, but you won’t talk to him about this problem, afraid of making your friend mad or sad, so, I wrote this letter to help you, because If you have close relationships cut off, you get sad. Have you thought about talking to your friend another time? Maybe he won’t be upset with you, and he will be friends with you again. Try doing this and rebuilding your relationship with this person you miss so much.

Firstly, I need to say that the reason that is causing all this is obviously your friend’s girlfriend. She is a toxic person that is always manipulating and saying what others should do, and unfortunately, this is happening with your friend. For example he is not hanging out with you anymore because of her influence. I really think you should try talking to your friend again, even though you don’t want to, it is important to get him back and explain what is happening. If you talk with your friend, he will understand your point of view.  If I were you, I would convince him to come back, explain to him that you miss his jokes, that he was funny and the group was happier before he went away, and say that the whole group misses him and that he needs to come back. According to Calmerry “Toxic relationships negatively affect mental health”, so the sooner you talk to him the sooner he will realize that he is in a toxic relationship, and if you stop the relationship, your friend gets happy.

Even though you already talked to your friend, you can always try to talk to other people. As your friend is being manipulated by his girlfriend, you need to help him, but, if I were you, I would be scared to talk to him too, and that is a big problem, so, A good idea is trying to talk to the girlfriend. If you talk to her, she will understand what she is making you and your friend go through. You should say that you are sad and that you miss him, ask her to stop lying to him and prove to her that this is harmful for everybody and that’s why she needs to let her boyfriend talk to his friends. By stopping the cause of this problem it will all end, and you can even transform the toxic relationship of your friend into a healthy relationship, making your friend happy. In addition, according to Brides, being in a relationship where your partner is always jealous of your other relationships, this can mean a toxic relationship and it can be very harmful to the victim, so stopping your friend from being in a toxic relationship but at the same time, you would not ruin his relationship.

If this problem affects you, it will affect your friends too. As we know, this problem is not just affecting you, but it is affecting your other friends too, because, as you said, your friend used to hang out with a group of friends, that included you and your other friends. I imagine that your group of friends may be sad too, so, this tip will help you and your friends to get your friend back. If I were you, I would be optimistic, so that you cheer up your group by saying kind things or most importantly, being optimistic. According to Nemours Teen Health, “An optimistic outlook makes people more resistant to stress. Optimism may even help people live longer.” So, if you are optimistic with your friends, they are not sad or stressed. With this, your friends, including you, can even let your friend leave without causing so much harm to your emotions. 

Concluding, I really think that you should try to always choose the talk, try to share your point of view with your friend and explain the problem, if it does not work, try to talk with the girlfriend and explain the problem, while you are doing this cheer up your friends, because by cheering them up, your group is going to become more confident and happy. Finally, if this advice fails, it is generally a best idea to contact an adult, so they can help you and your friends to deal with this problem, as they are more mature and have more experience in solving problems with relationships, just like yours.

 Sincerely,

Y7 - Olivia