"Cacthing Up With Age's new Problems" by Caio C.

Dear Year 7 Student,

I'm from Year 9 and I am going through some problems with my best friend. He recently started a relationship with a girl that is completely jealous about him spending time with his group of friends, and tries all of the time to manipulate and control him.

The month we arrived from Canada he met a girl, they were friends initially, however, in the last 2 months they started dating. Our group of friends didn't talk too much to her, only when my friend was hanging out with us. However, recently he just stopped hanging out with us, we thought that he was occupied studying, at least it was what his girlfriend had told us. After a while we discovered by her friends that she was actually telling him that we were roasting him at his back and that she was always controlling his actions and decisions

I don't know how to tell him this, because I don't want to argue with him and also don't want to be sad about his girlfriend.

I would appreciate any help,

Anonymous

Dear Year 9 student,

Firstly I would like to thank you for coming to me for help. You have a really common and completely understandable problem that I will try to help you with. Your best friend’s new girlfriend is manipulating his decision, not letting him hang out with his friends. If I were in your place, I would start by talking to him about what you are feeling, saying that you miss him. This is something that will probably make him think about you and the group of friends.

Your problem is happening because of the lack of communication between everyone involved. If this is avoided, probably everyone would feel better and the situation will go to another step. Making a deeper analysis of your circumstances, you were really close to your best friend and now you aren’t connected to him so much anymore, because his girlfriend is trying to keep him away from you by making him stay only with her.If you get intimate, the relationship gets better.Call your other friends and try to ask them if they also want to try and socialise with this new person that entered into your lives. 

I’m sure getting far from your best friend is bad, but there are also good sides. Everything has a good side. How about trying to come up with new friendships while he doesn't hang out with you? You can get afraid of losing touch, but I am sure you won’t get separated. Time will put you back together. Your best friend won’t accept being manipulated and not having freedom in his decisions for too long. When you come back with your friendship, you present your new buddies to him. Try to use BetterUp to connect yourself with new people. This advice can bring new friends for your group. For that to happen there are multiple ways, such as going to clubs, at parks and just looking for people who you guess are of your age and trying to connect yourself with them.

The nights without one member of the group will be tough in the beginning, but with some actions the group can be normal again. Some people might fear he won’t come back, or that he is suffering with this girlfriend. Others might be jealous about him being only with his new girlfriend. If you miss him too much or feel jealous, music will solve your problems. This is one of the methods that distract people a lot and make them forget their problems. Others are: drawing, writing and lots of others you may find better. If this doesn’t work, try to use the same, but to reflect on the problem. Now I am presenting you with the advice! It is very simple but I am 99% sure it works. Call him to go out with you and do activities you both like. Use WiseBread to have a great time with him, it gives you lots of ideas.

If nothing works, you definitely should try to reflect about the problem as many times as you can. Do not forget to maintain contact with him, asking him to do activities with you. I hope this works, but if you feel the advice isn't for you, try this advice column that has a problem very similar to yours and it might help: Tasha Rube’s advice.

Sincerely,

Y7-Caio Cocuzza