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1 Oct 62 John Halifax Mother ______________________________________________________________________________________________
Halifax, N.S.
Octr 1st 1862
My dear Mother
Your letter, my Father’s and Helen’s arrived yesterday, wishing me many happy returns of the day. 27. I think I must begin to leave off counting birthdays as I have reached this mature age – although you say 28.
27 was the age you fixed for me to look out for a wife, and although it requires two to make up a match, it is just possible that I may take advantage of your premonition, although I can communicate nothing at present to you, simply because I have nothing to tell, more than that I have met with a young lady who I like much – a well educated, sensible woman. Not pretty, but pleasing. Quite a lady and certainly with a fortune, probably with a large one. I like her very much: I believe she likes me.
I meet her often. Her friends, sisters and brother in law, as well as her brother (who I know less of) are, I believe not averse; as when I do get with them, I am always permitted to pair off. In town, every body says we are engaged, but what every body says is, in this instance, not true. Would it were, although I do hope that it but rests with me and a favourable opportunity to come to an understanding. I wish I could, but my courage fails me. Without swagger, I would rather (not that I like that), go into action now, than face what I feel I ought to.
Have just spent a very pleasant afternoon, riding with my friends when I managed to choose my companion much as usual. And although sadly interfered with by an unwise man who would ride with us, I enjoyed my birthday afternoon. All this you will probably say is twaddle. I am sure my Father will, but sometimes I cannot help pouring out on paper what at another time I should be ashamed to write – far less, let anybody else read. But on my birthday of all days, I feel I ought to be frank with you, and confide in you, even at the risk of being called a fool.
You do not know and cannot know what it is to be alone as I am, therefore cannot fully appreciate the pleasure it gives me to have found intimates among ladies. And even now my last gentleman intimates are all but gone. All the 10th Brigade R.A. with whom I had cottoned * a great deal have gone to Canada, and their successors are not at all the same style. There is a chance of my remaining out here. I am allowed to count my service whilst here and have been talking to the general who seems inclined to ask for me to be placed under him as inspector of Volunteers within the limits of his command. I have tried to get him to do this and if he should, I think there is a great chance of his application being successful and of my being placed upon a more proper footing here.
And as the climate is really very healthy, if you do not want me home, I might as well stay here as go elsewhere. It is all foreign service, although even if this is made a good appointment and I remain, I shall half feel as if I were shirking the Staff College with its hard work – and that I do not want to do.
Since I last wrote, I have been out Moose shooting, and after a good deal of trouble, I succeeded in securing a trophy in the shape of a very fine head and horns. The head is now being stuffed and as soon as an opportunity offers, I will send it as a present to my Father to be retained in trust for me though, as it is something to be proud of; the first fruits of the rifle that my Father gave me when leaving England. You will believe it to be valuable, when I tell you that it will stand me nearly £20 in my expenses etc. by the time it is ready to send home.
I was out for a week, night after night, sitting or lying out on the barren moor, waiting for a shot. And when I did kill, I walked all day and drove my horse 40 miles that night to get the head safely in. So I underwent something in my pursuit of pleasure and sport & that puts an extra value onto the trophy, independent of the money expended in obtaining it.
I cannot now describe our tent and Indians or the whole turnout. Birch bark canoe and all we were away from the external world, plunged into the depths of the forest primeval for some ten days. I was anxious to see the kind of sport they indulge in here and, having seen it do not think I should care about going out again as although it is a sight to make your heart thump against your ribs to see a big brute, much higher than a horse and with apparently a couple of young trees growing out of his head, coming cautiously up, or charging wildly at you, still I do not know that even that compensated for the trouble taken, and the exposure, laying out as I did last week two frosty nights: all for sport.
I am off again on a tour of inspection next week & that will keep me away for a month, so that it is just possible that I may miss a mail in writing. Should I, you need not be afraid that any of my Militia men have committed another military murder and destroyed me, but rather that stern duty as usual stands in my way. If I stay out this winter I am thinking of running the blockade and seeing the South and their Army and general state. Will you try and get me some letters of introduction for people down south. Perhaps the Lauries could help me and I have no doubt, if Mrs Pringle is still in Dundee with Mrs Maitland her sister, that she could give me plenty of letters to people down south as she hails from South Carolina.
It is past twelve and I have drill at 6½ a.m. so must turn in. Will continue tomorrow.
I’m deeply grieved to hear the news about Mr Riley and of course anxious to hear, day by day, what improvement or otherwise shews. What a sad, sad thing for Mary. I am not altogether surprised to hear that she bears up, because she must have a good deal to do and employment is certainly the only salve for brooding and melancholy. I must try and write to her by the mail, but really am almost afraid.
6½ p.m.
I have been all the afternoon making up a return for the general and since had two hours drill of Militia Officers – supplementary to my morning 6½ to 8 and that has run my time so short that I really cannot attempt another letter. Will you tell Mary that I had hoped to write but duty is heavy and the mail leaves directly. I am sorry to see by my Father’s letter that he still suffers so much but the remedy is to a great extent with himself. Abstinence is not easy but I am sure that care will relieve pain much.
So Alfred is off again. I wish I could have gone with him. I envy anybody a long stay in France. I wish so much to be a really good French scholar, and without living in France, that cannot be. Not that I like France for its own sake. On the contrary, but the language is such an acquisition.
I’m rather glad to hear Helen is lying fallow. I trust that she will turn to her studies again with fresh zeal after her long holiday. I shall expect her to be such a musician when I do get back – whether it is to be next month or five years hence. Which is it to be. I wish I could see a little way forward what is to happen.
My kind love to my Father and Helen
Believe me ever
My dear Mother
Your affectionate Son
J Wimburn Laurie
Colonel Wilby is in England and intends being in London about the 15th. He would have much liked paying you a visit if you had been in town. Now that Mrs what’s-her-name is defunct, I have just heard from him and regretted extremely that you were out of town and would not be able to shew him any attention. He returns to India next February.
* cottoned – had a liking for (a North American term)