Embedded Files
Dating 约会
Learning Objectives
In this lesson, you will learn to use Chinese to
• Describe how long you’ve known someone;
• Invite someone to go on a date;
• Make the necessary arrangements to go out with friends;
• Accept a date courteously;
• Decline a date politely;
• End a phone conversation without hurting the other person’s feelings.
Relate and Get ready
In your own culture/community—
1. How can you get tickets for a popular event?
2. Is it socially acceptable to call a person you have only met onceand whose phone number you obtained indirectly?
3. Is it impolite to directly say “no” to decline a date?
4. How can you end an unwanted phone conversation without
being rude?
3/3/20
Vocabulary P1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTDgxWYzQ6s
同/同样: tóng/ tóng yàng adj same; alike
印象/感觉 : yìn xiàng n impression
对...的印象：duì...de yìn xiàng an impression on......
好感: good feelings; a crush
对...有好感: have a crush on......
成 /成为: chéng/chéng wéi v to become
演: yǎn v to show (a film); to perform
演员: yǎn yuán n actor
歌剧(ju)演员: a musical actor/singer
花: huā n flower/ v to spend
费/费用: fèi /fèi yong n fee； expenses
学费: tuition
路费: travel expenses
过桥(qiáo)费: bridge tolls
花/费/花费: v to spend; to take (effort)
力气/精力: lìqi n strength; effort
就: jiù adv just; only (indicating a small number), same as 只有
俩: liǎ nu+m (coll.) two
一言为定: yì yán wéi ding that settles it; that’s settled; it’s decided
不见不散(sàn): Don't leave until we see each other!
约会: (yuē)(huì)a date, go on a date, go out
交jiāo 男女朋友: have a boy/girl friend
爱人/恋 liàn人/情qíng人: lovers
谈tán恋爱: dating/courting
早就......: since a long time ago; for a long time
暗àn恋: secretly have a crush on......
大嫂sǎo: n. oldest brother's wife
打扫 sǎo: to clean
整zhěng理: to sort things out
study for the vocab （quiz on 3/6/20）
3/5-9/20
M-1 Vocabulary Practice (Pair)
1. Find a partner and create a google doc. Each of you will translate half the amount of the sentences; then correct each other’s work. Send me an invitation to edit your work.
同/同样: My manager and I have the same hobbies.
印象/感觉: Mr. Zhou's impression of the mall is not bad.
成 /成为: Later on, the bankers became good friends.
演: The movie theater is playing a few movies.
演员: Who is your favorite movie actor?
歌剧演员: Who wants to be a musical actor/singer?
花: Mrs. Cheng's (as for engineer) flowers are dead.
费/费用: The tuition for dental school is very high.
学费: College tuition is getting higher and higher.
路费: Grandma Jiang(as for Yangtze River) will pay for the travel expenses for me.
过桥费: How much is the bridge tolls on Bear Mountain?
力气/精力: The athletes need a lot of energy to run Marathon.
花/费/花费: The baker spent a lot of energy making bread.
就: Only one student in my class is sick.
俩: The two of you must review the grammar together 一言为定: Promise! I will meet you at 7:30 PM.
约会: CPA Kong has a date with his girlfriend this weekend.
交男/女朋友: Little Deng wants to have a boy/girlfriend.
爱人/恋人/情人: Prof. Fu (as for pay money) and Doctor Fang were an item from very early on.
情人节：Valentine's Day
谈恋爱: Don't date while you are still in high school!
早就......: Miss Shi(as from History) wanted to go to Hawaii a long time ago.
暗恋: I know that Little Sun has a crush on Little Hou a long time ago.
打扫：Big brother's wife cleaned only one room.
整理: The manager asked the assistant to sort out the office.
3/11/20
M-2. Language Note
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrqQT1j6M_g
1. For the use of the word 印象 (yìnxiàng, impression), compare these two sentences:
李友对王朋的印象很好。(Li You has a very good impression of Wang Peng.)
李友给王朋的印象很好。 (Li You made a very good impression on Wang Peng.)
2. The phrase 演电影 (yăn diàn yǐng, to show a film) in this lesson is interchangeable with 放电影 (fang diànyǐng), but in addition, 演电影can also mean “to act in a film.”
3. The primary meaning of 早 (zǎo) is “early,” but in an extended sense it can also mean “a long time ago,” or “early on.”
4. 俩 (liǎ) stands for 两个 (liǎng ge).
5. 一言为定 (yì yán wéi dìng), which literally means “achieving certainty with one word,” is one of the numerous four-character idioms that have their origins in Classical Chinese but continue to be on the lips of almost every native speaker of the language.
As shown in (1), (2), and (3), when an adjective serves as a descriptive complement, it is often preceded by the adverb 很 , just like a predicate adjective.
Grammar Complements (II)
The subject of a sentence can be described by a complement following 得 (de). Ex: get tired from doing......, very happy by doing......
1.我们玩儿得很高兴。 (We had a happy time playing.)[We played. We were very happy.]
2. 孩子笑得很可爱。 (The kid gave a very cute smile.)[The child smiled, and the child looked cute.]
3. 他打球打得很累。 (He was worn out from playing ball.)[He played ball, and he was worn out.]
4. 他高兴得又唱又跳。 (He was so happy that he ended up singing and dancing.)[He was happy, and he was singing and dancing.]
In the sentences above, the verbs 玩 (wán), 笑 (xiào), and 打球and the adjective 高兴 give the causes, while the complements 高兴, 可爱, 累 (lèi) and 又唱又跳 (yòu chàng yòu tiào) describe the effects on the subject.
A complement describing the subject seldom appears in the negative.
(4a) *他高兴得没有又唱又跳。
M-3 Your Comments
Please work with your partner and ask each other the following questions:
Example:
A: 你昨天晚上写汉字写得累不累？
B: 我昨天晚上写汉字写 得很累/不累。你呢?
1. A: Were you tired from doing homework yesterday? B:
2. A: Did you sleep comfortably last night? B:
3. A: Did you have a good time playing with friends last weekend? B:
4. A: Did you clean your room very well (clean)? B:
5. A: Was she so happy that she jumped up and down?
M-4 Grammar Potential Complements
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWWHgxopdZc
得 (de) or 不 (bu) is placed between a verb and a resultative or directional complement to indicate whether a certain result can be realized or not.
1. 跳舞太难，我学不会。 (Dancing is too difficult. I can’t learn it.)
2. A: 你晚上六点半点能回来吗？我等你吃晚饭。 (Can you be back by 6:30 p.m.? I will wait for you for dinner.)
B: 我得开会，六点半回不来。 (I have a meeting, and can’t make it back by 6:30 p.m.)
3. 这张碟我今天看不完。 (I can’t finish watching this DVD today.)
4. 那个字怎么写，我想不起来了。 (I can’t remember how to write that character.)
[See Dialogue 2 for 想不起来 ]
5. 健康保险太贵，我买不起。 (Health insurance is too expensive. I can’t afford it.)
6. A: 这封中文信你看得懂吗？ (Can you understand this Chinese letter?)
B: 我看得懂。 (Yes, I can understand it.)
Potential complements usually appear in negative sentences. They are used in affirmative sentences much less often, mainly in answering questions that contain a potential complement, as in (6).
The affirmative form and the negative form of a potential complement can be put together to form a question.
7. 五十个饺子你吃得完吃不完？ (Can you eat fifty dumplings or not?)
Potential complements are an important feature of Chinese. They are often the only way to convey the idea that the absence of certain conditions prevents a result from being achieved. Potential complements have a unique function that cannot be fulfilled by the “不能 (bù néng) + verb + resultative/directional complement” construction. For example, 做不完 (zuò bu wán) means “not able to finish,” while 不能做完 (bù néng zuò wán) conveys the idea of “not allowed to finish.”
8. 老师说得太快，我听不清楚。 (The teacher speaks too fast. I can’t hear [him] clearly.)
(8a) *老师说得太快，我不能听清楚。
9 今天的功课太多，我做不完。 (There is too much homework today. I can’t finish it.)
(9a) *今天的功课太多，我不能做完。
A potential complement cannot be used in a 把 (bǎ) sentence, either.
(9b) *我把今天的功课做不完。
can /able to: Ac+得 +tion or 能+action ex. 看得到/能看到
cannot/unable to: verb+完/到/见/清楚/了/完/会......
ex. 吃不完/看不见/看不到/听不清楚/吃不了(完)/学不会......
Find out about your practice partner’s first day of school.
Example:
A: 你找得到找不到 你的教室？Are you able to find your classroom or not?
B: 我找得到我的教室。 or 我找不到我的教室。
1. A: Are you able to buy the book or not? B:
2. A: Were you able to understand what your teacher said? B:
3. A: Can you see the characters that your teacher wrote clearly or not? B:
4. A: Were you able to find your cousin in school or not? B:
M-5. Are You a Competitive Eater?
Do you think you and your partner would be up to the challenge of competing in a hot-dog-eating competition? How about some other competitions? Let’s find out.
Example: eat 30 hot dogs 1. A: 你吃得完三十个 热狗吗？
B: 我吃得完三十个热狗。/ 我吃不完三十个热狗。
1. eat 100 of dumplings
2. eat 6 bowls of white rice
3. drink 8 cups of iced tea
4. drink 5 bowls of hot and sour soup
5. eat 3 plates of spicy tofu
6. eat 4 Peking Duck
M-6
Grammer 就 (jiù), same as 只有
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8U5x0dn0jA
When used before a noun or pronoun, 就 (jiù) means “only.” Often the noun or pronoun is modified by a numeral-measure word combination.
1. 我们班人很少，就/只有 七个学生。 (Our class is small, with just seven students.)
2. 今天功课很少，就/只有 五个汉字。(There’s little homework today. Only five Chinese characters.)
3. 我们一家五口，就/只有 你对味精过敏。 (There are five people in our family. Only you are allergic to MSG.)
4. 三个房间我打扫了两个，就/只有 一个房间还没整理。 (I have cleaned two of the three rooms. Only one room hasn't been tidied up yet.)
Example: A: 他们都有弟弟吗？ B: 不，就/只有 高小音一个人 有弟弟。
1. A: Do those kids all know how to do ice-skating? B: No. Only my cousin knows.
2. A: Are these guests all vegetarians? B: No, only Dr. Week is a vegetarian.
3. A: Do those girls all like to eat cake? B: No, only 5 of them like cakes.
4. A: Do all Chinese people know how to speak English? B: No, only college students know.
3/12/20
M-7 Speaking P2
Look at the English and speak in Chinese:
Dialogue I
Wang Peng and Li You go to the same school. They have known each other for almost six months now. Wang Peng often helps Li You practice speaking Chinese. They also often go out for fun, and they always have a good time. Li You has a very good
impression of Wang Peng, and Wang Peng likes Li You very much, too. So they’ve become good friends.
* * *
Wang Peng: This weekend they’re showing a Chinese film at school. Shall we go together?
Li You: Yes, but I hear that many people are going to see that film. Will we be able to get tickets?
Wang Peng: I already got the tickets. It took a lot of trying.
Li You: Fantastic. I’ve wanted to see a Chinese film for a long time. Anyone else going with us?
Wang Peng: No one else. Just the two of us.
Li You: OK. When?
Wang Peng: The day after tomorrow, eight o’clock.
Li You: Before the movie, I’ll take you to dinner.
Wang Peng: Great! It’s a deal.
M-8 Translate below into English, then converse back to Chinese
王朋和李友在同一个学校学习快半年了。王朋常常帮李友学中文，他们常常一起玩儿，每次都玩儿得很高兴。李友对王朋的印象很好，王朋也很喜欢李友，他们成了好朋友。这个周末学校演一个中国电影，看电影的人很多，王朋费了很大力气才买到票。他请李友去看电影，李友说好极了。她问王朋还有别人跟他们一起看电影吗，王朋说就他们俩。李友很高兴，说看电影以前她请王朋吃晚饭。
一边唱中文歌 一边学中文
对面的女孩看过来
https://quizlet.com/_9ok2w6?x=1qqt&i=1gft7
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgqJTjiKkGk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1DDNQABFXU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aosRlnxg9I
表演 biǎo yǎn perform / act / play / show / performance
表演 biǎo yǎn - performance, to perform
精彩 jīngcǎi brilliant; spectacular; wonderful
假装 jiǎ zhuāng feign / pretend
不理不睬 (bùlǐ bù cǎi) Ignore
吓坏 xiàhuài be terribly freightened
其实 qí shí actually / that is not the case / in fact / really
可爱 kě'ài • lovely; cute
寂寞 jì mò lonely / lonesome
悲哀 bēi āi grieved / sorrowful
出 chū - to go out
明白 míng bai clear / obvious / to understand / to realize
求 qiú - beg, seek, strike for
抛 [pāo] to throw; to toss; to fling; to cast; to abandon
媚眼 mèi yǎn Flirtatious; charming eyes
逗 dòu to tease; amuse; to stay; to stop; funny
开怀 kāihuái － Cheers
左 left, zuǒ - left
右 yòu - right
原来 yuánlái - as a matter of fact; original; former
简单 jiǎn dān simple / not complicated
猜 cāi - to guess
心事 xīn shì a load on one's mind / worry
奇怪 qí guài strange / odd
苍蝇 cāng yíng -- fly (the insect)
拍 pāi to clap / to pat / to beat / to slap / to take (a picture)
无人问津 wúrénwènjīn lifeless; of no interestnobody will ask
无奈 (wúnài) Helpless
情窦初开 qíng dòu chū kāi First love; adolescent love
需要 xū yào to need / to want / to demand / needs / to require
（咳!）对面的女孩看过来，看过来，看过来
这里的表演很精彩
请不要假装不理不睬
对面的女孩看过来 看过来，看过来
不要被(bèi)(by)我的样子吓坏
其实我很可爱
寂寞男孩的悲哀
说出来，谁明白
求求你 抛个媚眼 过来
哄哄我
逗我乐开怀
（嘿嘿嘿，没人理我嘿！）
我左看右看，上看下看
原来每个女孩都不简单
我想了又想，我猜了又猜
女孩们的心事 还真奇怪
寂寞男孩的苍蝇拍
左拍拍，右拍拍
为什么还是没人来爱
无人问津哪，真无奈
对面的女孩看过来
看过来，看过来
寂寞男孩情豆初开
需要你给我一点爱（嗨----嗨----！）
我左看右看，上看下看
原来每个女孩都不简单
我想了又想，我猜了又猜
女孩们的心事还真奇怪
我左看右看，上看下看
原来每个女孩都不简单
我想了又想，我猜了又猜
女孩们的心事还真奇怪
爱真奇怪！
来来来......喔哎噢！
来来来......噢----！
（唉！算了，回家吧！）
M-9 翻译句子:
1. That old lady has been feeling very lonely lately.
2. I heard that the dance performance was fabulous!
3. Actually he is a very lovely person.
4. I am begging you! Please help me with my Chinese work.
5. No one pays attention to me, I feel really sad.
6. Let me guess, you don’t understand him either. He is really strange.
7. He pretends that he does not speak Chinese.
8. Don’t be scared by the tiger, it is just a paper tiger.
M-10
M-10
Speaking
Speaking
So we’ve gotten a few questions lately about dating in China. It’s an interesting topic that hits on a lot of key cultural touchpoints, so I want to take a few minutes to talk about this.
You’ll often hear people say that cultural differences are overstated or not as much of a factor as they used to be, and while there is some validity to that, cultural differences are nothing to scoff at – they do most definitely exist.
Marriage Mania
One of the primary issues here is that for Chinese women, there is a much stronger emphasis on getting married early.
This goes back to less stable times, when marriage meant much-needed security, but of course this is by no means a purely Chinese phenomenon: In 2010, 44% of American women had married by age 25, but way way back in 1995, more than 59% had been hitched by 25.
China is relatively new to the whole modern-stable-globalized-internet (still working on that last one, really) country thing, and when your culture is over 4,000 years in the making, old habits die hard.
Consider, too, the generational issue at play here: The lovely lady you’ve been crushing on’s parents and grandparents are the ones exerting that pressure to get married, even though she herself may not feel that she’s ready or interested.
That's because her grandparents' and possibly (depending on where in China she is from) her parents still value marital stability above all else in their time, given the instability and volatility of their eras.
In fact, I once dated a girl who would only meet up at places that her parents AND grandmother had pre-approved; as you can imagine none of these places were very fun.
The Imitation Game
Your lady’s generation may well be the first to have that freedom of romantic choice, and that's something you need to keep in mind while making your decisions for your relationship – there simply isn't a ton of cultural precedent for her to fall back on.
Think about it: when you consider what to do in terms of relationships, don’t you use your parents’ marriage and/or relationships as a reference point?
If your parents and other family members married out of convenience rather than romance, there isn’t a lot to help guide you when trying to find a romantic partner you really click with.
The same girl I mentioned before – her parents’ marriage was arranged by her father's commanding officer in the military, and I’d occasionally ask her, do you really think you should take dating advice from people who’ve never dated?
What this often leads to is heavy parental involvement in relationships and dating. You may have read about the slightly-creepy marriage markets in China, in which parents set up tables advertising their adult sons and daughters to potential mates.
While this isn’t really the way most Chinese meet their future spouses anymore, marriage markets are still a fairly common sight, even in more Westernized cities like Shanghai.
Dating Etiquette
Even the nuts-and-bolts process of dating can be wildly different in China.
While in the West we might try to play it cool and not be in constant contact with someone, in China it’s common to text or call multiple times a day, even if the relationship isn’t even remotely serious yet.
This particular cultural difference, is, in my experience, a big reason so many intercultural relationships fail; I know one girl I met texted me five times before lunch the next day – a serious no-no for me but standard procedure for her.
The man is generally supposed to handle all the decision making in Chinese dating, and some girls take this very seriously.
Once I asked a girl what she wanted to do for the date and she just never responded! It’s also commonplace to bring a friend along, but not for a double date – it’s more like a chaperon, buffer or safety net.
Not So Casual
Anyway, all of this means that in China itself, if you're dating someone seriously, marriage is at least on the table.
Even if it’s not such a big deal to her personally, it's still something that's on her mind and that her parents will be bringing up just about every time they see her.
As a result, being intimate before marriage is a lot less common in China than in the West, though this is not so much the case anymore among younger, more urbanized Chinese.
The fact remains, though, that if you’re intimate while dating, there is a strong assumption that marriage is on the horizon. While these rules are sometimes relaxed for Chinese dating foreigners, that’s not always the case.
For men, things overall are not as strict: there isn’t the fervent marriage-expiration-date-countdown (aka the much-documented (shèng nǚ) 剩女/ “leftover women” phenomenon), and familial pressure tends to be a bit lighter than it is for their female counterparts.
That said, additional stresses do exist. We’ve talked before about some of the fiscal requirements men often must fulfil to qualify for a good mate: a house, car and steady job are de facto requirements for dating in many circles, and with a gender imbalance of some 34 million extra men, women can often afford to be choosy.
A Chinese woman interviews prospective husbands
I have a female friend who, when on a date with a Chinese guy, mentioned that she wasn’t especially concerned about whether he owned a car or not. Her date literally couldn’t believe his luck and immediately tried to set up a time for another date.
Altogether, the cultural emphasis on marrying early, particularly for women, means that dating is imbued with a lot more meaning and isn’t something to be taken lightly.
Understanding this, more than anything else, is the key to a successful Chinese dating experience.
We’d love to hear some of your thoughts and responses – share them in the comments below!
Supplementary Materials
Now that you know a little about dating culture in China, take a look at what Chinese people have to say about their ideal romantic partners.
These lessons from Yoyo Chinese's Intermediate Course features interviews with people on the streets of China. Following these brief interviews, Yangyang breaks down the important language points found in their answrs.
On appearances:
What Kind of Guys do you Like?
What Kind of Girls do you Like?
On personality:
What Kind of Guys do you Hope to Find?
What Kind of Girls do you Hope to Find?
Deal-breakers:
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