She is like the air you breathe, the reflection of you, mocking you, looking up to you or down, at this point who knows? Not you, you're at home like always, spiraling. Your bed has an indent in the middle the size of your body. You tend to see the worst in all and everyone around because why would they be rooting for you? The mind of a teenage girl is a place no one wants to be, especially you. Your mind has elevator music playing, it is dim, it is a dark room, filled with photos/memories getting developed. Maybe if you were still her everything would be better. Her, the you before him. He took everything from you, your trust, your confidence and your sanity one year ago from today, that September cold day. The wind blowing through your long dark brown hair, your bangs messy, and the trees rustling, your window rolled down.
You have it all engraved into your head, his shadows, his eyes, and his lies. You had trusted him with the biggest secrets, family, friends and your own, but it turned out he had the biggest of them all. You had wondered why and how someone could be such a good listener for everyone, especially you. You, him and some other friends went on a road trip to Colorado. It was a three day weekend everyone was looking forward to, especially you. You were exhausted and looking forward to roasting some marshmallows for smores. You begin to unload the car by putting your belongings in the cabin near the bed you called dibs on, the top bunk bed. The cabin looks small from the exterior but the interior is spacious, rustic and very inviting. There are trees surrounding the acres of land, the leaves turning various shades of orange and brown, they fall to the ground. Your favorite season has begun.
The fire was bright as the sun set upon the lake nearby. You and your friends are sitting around the fire, talking about what the next trip should be, maybe next time near a beach? The view all together is pretty but your scar is not. The bomb fire was meant to warm you, not burn you. The scars you see on your back, a stab in the back, maybe a stab in the back would have been better? And a cooler scar, either way who's gonna see it, all you wear is baggy clothes, full coverage, maybe it will cover the shame? The shame for falling for him, never head over heels but falling for his friendship, felt like the older brother you once had. You looked for your brother in everyone but you ended up confusing his kindling smile with your stalker's smile of achievement. He finally got to be your trusted friend, not just someone you only saw in your peripheral vision in the school hallways. Those hallways that now feel more dull than ever before and the fluorescent lights are headache inducing. One more semester till you finish school, taking extra classes online to be able to graduate earlier. You will never wrap your head around why he chose you and what made him so cruel. He wanted you all to himself like a possession but because you didn’t want to do as he demanded you ended up in the fire. No one ever understands how someone can be so cruel inside but act so full of pure life outside, especially you.
I wrote this story because I wanted to get into the fall aesthetic and dive into the life of a girl that survived a stalker. My first thoughts were to write a story of a stalker that stalked from a far but instead I decided to make it to where he gets closer to the girl causing the girl to later have major trust issues that she will need to figure out. The characters build a close relationship, telling each other secrets, he hides his biggest secret to keep her close. Since autumn was nearing I was leaning toward a pretty little liars type of plot, a tv show that touches on subjects of stalking and disappearances.
This story reflects universal issues, there are many documentaries that discuss issues such as stalkers. I feel that not many people think about what it might be like to be stalked, many do think that they would be able to tell they are being stalked but that is one of the issues they believe would never happen to them. It also explores in a brief way that you never truly know someone's intentions and what is going on in their lives outside of school. I also wanted to bring some light to the mind of a teenager, specifically a girl, so many changes occur, you begin to question everyone, even yourself, and you have new experiences, good or bad. These experiences had a large impact on a person's life, the way they reason to them will pave a way to something new.
When writing this I wanted to emphasize "especially you” to make the reader feel more targeted. Throughout the story I repeated that phrase. I liked the way it went with the story and I feel that if a phrase repeats the reader will be brought back to the focus of the story and that it is in second person. The setting seems calm and the usual bomb fire with friends but that same night a disaster occurs. That shows that anything can happen and when you least expect it
One problem with my process was that I didn’t know where I was taking it. I changed my story around three times but kept the topic of suspense and mystery. I had so many different ideas but I went with this one because once I started to write it it began to write itself, if it had a better flow and change in scenery. I overcame my problem by thinking about my story like a tv show, as if I were directing it, portraying the emotions and feelings throughout the story. The issues touched on are typically not talked about very often, not a lot of awareness on the problem that could affect anyone especially now that it is easier for people to stalk someone with the information they can find on the internet.
I chose to keep my story to have a faster pacing because I did not want to drag out the story too much to the point where there was no mystery. I wanted the reader to be able to use their own imagination on some of the details such as what exactly happened to her brother. I choose to make it second person because I wanted to feel more directed towards the reader, they would imagine as if the events were happening to them. They would be touched by the serious topics and understand that they are real problems that occur in the world but many are not aware how bad they are since everyone is so busy thinking about their own problems.