I always thought nine months was enough time to really get to know someone. Enough time to build a vibe, a rhythm, something that felt like a real relationship even if we never put an official label on it. And with him, it felt like we were getting there. We talked every day. It felt weird getting back in the game after being single for so long. It felt funny becoming a part of each other's routine, saying “goodmorning” everyday, “goodnight , how did you sleep? “ What did you eat ? All the good stuff, and I knew his routines too. He knew my moods, I knew his moods`, even when I was tired, it’s like he knew me before I even knew myself. But there was this one thing that had me tripping , this tiny thing that kept growing until I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
I was always the one paying.
At first, I ignored it. “It's okay I’m independent,” I don’t mind treating someone sometimes. But with him, “sometimes” somehow became every single time. Tickets for a trampoline park? Me. Random little Target runs? Me again. And he never even pretended to reach for his wallet, not one fake “lemme get this one”.
Nothing.
I kept trying to convince myself it wasn’t a big deal. Maybe he’d step up eventually. Maybe he cared in ways that weren’t about money. So I thought. But the truth was, it didn’t feel balanced. I felt like the one holding everything together emotionally and financially. And that’s not partnership, that’s literally.. unpaid labor.
But here I am again giving him multiple chances. Because I liked him. Because he made me laugh. Because nine months felt too long to just throw it away.
Then came the day I met his family. Honestly? It caught me off guard. Meeting someone’s family feels like a milestone, like you’re leveling up. His mom welcomed me, his younger brother “Matt” joked with me, and for a moment, I let myself believe this was the start of something real. I walked out of that house thinking, wow? Maybe he does see me as someone important.
But the next day, everything hit me at once. The imbalance. The tiredness. The way I kept pouring into someone who never poured anything back. Meeting his family didn’t magically fix the part of me that felt taken for granted. It didn’t erase the months of me feeling like the only one trying.
And suddenly, the thought of staying felt heavier than the thought of leaving.
So I texted away. No drama, no yelling, no big breakup scene, like you see in the movies. Just a quiet moment where I finally chose my self respect and my peace.
Lastly here I realized how light I felt. How I hadn’t even noticed how drained I’d become until I stepped out of it.
The girl who was romanticizing every single movement with him, I completely ignored the fact that I was getting treated like a bag of baloney, but in this situation when I was put in it helped me realize one thing .. Listen to your mother. “When someone really wants to be with you, they’ll show up not just emotionally, but with effort, consistency, and respect. And definitely not with empty pockets and excuses.”
But all in the end.
I began working on this piece because I wanted to hold on to what I learned about myself from constantly paying for every aspect within a relationship. It’s a relationship like that sometimes wherein it isn’t necessarily an earth-shattering event that teaches you something so much as it’s these tiny things and experiences that build up. I began working on my own piece by identifying moments within my relationship that were significant, be it dates, conversations, and finally realizing I was putting an awful lot more into it and getting very little back. The rest was conveyed through imagery. I wanted to get across just how heavy these moments were within my own relationship. I talked about my wallet as if it were an emptying purse and conveyed my relationship as an imbalance on a scale.
From a structural stand, I have tried to compose the piece in a narrative form, taking it from particular memories to learning broader life lessons. The narrative form should progress as if the audience were accompanying me on this epiphany. The core subjects I have tried to develop include imbalance, emotional labor, and learning about choosing yourself. Although I based my piece on my own experience, it has been influenced by various writers who have successfully incorporated authentic and reflective storytelling. Specifically, I have been drawn to people who narrate relationship stories in a very direct yet impactful manner. It is these people who have inspired me to compose my piece in a similar direct yet useful manner. As a whole, this commentary illustrates my attempt at using my own experience and tools from literary works to spin a yarn that enabled me to learn more about myself.