Beep! I woke up to my alarm. Oh, it’s that day today isn’t it? Honestly, I wished I had just overslept or had never woken up at all. Dreading the day, I got up, put on the same white school uniform and read my script as I waited for the bus in the dark fog. Words, you’d think videogames or social media would keep you up all night, but no, it was words. What was I going to say to the crowd? Were these really the best lines I could think of? My daydreaming got interrupted by the growling engine of the bus. Does that sound have to interrupt my thoughts everyday? I sat down on the grey leathery seats to go over my script again, but these rowdy toddlers were at it again with their screeches and laughter. You’d think that since we’re in high school they’d have matured more right? Nope, it’s the same stupid ruckus everyday. Don’t they realize that this is the most important speech I’m about to give of my life? Perfect, it needs to be perfect. You know what? No, I’d be fine if it was just enough. What is enough? Hell, if I know but it’s what’s expected of me.
I arrived at school and the first face I saw was none other than Davik, another average high school student like me who is the closest thing I have to a friend. “Naiv you good? Your eye bags got worse,” he said. What? I know I was tired but I never noticed it being darker, especially not when I just looked at myself in the mirror today. “Oh I was just spending the past week working on that speech I told you about, I’ll be fine,” I said. “Well take it easy, let me know if you need help okay?” he replied with a concerned look I’ve seen on his face. You know, that is the most refreshing thing I have heard in a while, especially since all I hear from people is “Naiv help me with this” or “How do I become as smart as you Naiv?”. Besides I don’t really mind the drowsiness, if this is what it takes to deliver the perfect speech, if this is what it takes to keep my reputation afloat, then I’ll do it… I didn’t even remember the material taught today. It’s not that important anyway. Right now I just have to focus on the script. It’s fine, I can learn it after school, pull a late night again if need to. I kept staring at my script, imagining the words I spoke into the microphone, imagining the audience that would sit before me at the gym. Pfft the stress is fine, anxiety is nothing. I’ve experienced them long enough that it won’t be enough to take me down that easily. Although, I do wish I could talk to someone about this.
All of my effort came down to this moment. The poster, the campaigning, all went according to plan so far and now it was just this speech. Candidates were giving their big speech on the stage as I sat still waiting for my turn. Applause erupted then I heard my name called. It was my turn. I walked up the stage only to be blinded by the spotlight and reveal the rows of students across the gym staring at me. Millions of eyes surrounded me, engulfed me, and stared into the shallow depth of my soul. I got up the podium and looked at the audience again. Their glares shook my voice in fear. I shakily adjusted the microphone with my clammy hands and tightly grasped the brown wooden podium. “M-my n-n-name i-is N-N…”. What the hell is wrong with me? You couldn’t even get your name out? Speak damnit! You spent all week practicing for this very moment! And on the day of judgement you start trembling? Why are you silent now? I couldn’t do it. As if my legs were acting on its own, it used every ounce of energy it had left to drag me off the stage and out the gym. I heard all of the commotion from the audience “this is the one people want as class president? This is the school’s top student?” is probably what they said. I’m such an idiot, an idiot who thought he had changed, that he was better. Weeks of effort, hours of restless days all down the drain to silence. This is who I am, this is the cross I bear, the cross I choose to bear. Man, I wish I could talk to someone about this.
I wrote this story because I wanted to express some ideas that I have kept in my mind for a while now and I feel like this story helped in expressing them. I relate a lot with the themes in the story with my personal experiences so this story allows me to express these thoughts into words. Writing this story gave me the chance to show people my own flaws and imperfections. It gave me the opportunity to be vulnerable and share things that I rarely tell others.
I wanted to create this story to reflect ideas of anxiety, perfectionism, and human disconnection. The ideas of anxiety and perfectionism were expressed through the actions Naiv does throughout the story from practicing the script to the failure of his speech. The anxiety is shown with Naiv trying to practice his script because he wants to impress people and meet their expectations. Then ideas like Naiv’s disconnection, were often expressed in his thoughts and what he thought about the people surrounding him.
Since the story is in Naiv’s point of view, it is filled with his thoughts and his actions revealing Naiv’s character from his perspective. In the story, Naiv has an interaction with Davik where Davik notices the more visible signs of Naiv’s exhaustion. Naiv also seems to be completely aware of it, showing his willingness to sabotage his mental health to get his goal done. It was meant to highlight lengths people take because of their perfectionism and anxiety to please others. Naiv’s lack of trust in other people is also shown where he believes no one can come to help him especially in times when he is in a low. I wanted to show that there are people that do go through this stuff and that there are often many things that we tend to hide, especially insecurities and anxieties.
Creating my story made me realize that your story can literally be about anything. I was having a hard time deciding what I wanted to do for my story because I didn’t know what I wanted it to be about. Another thing that helped me work on the story was to just journal my thoughts. It helped with coming up with ideas and it eventually led to the story I created right now. Working on the story made me realize how long it takes to write a story and while fleshing out the characters as well as you have to consider many factors when writing it.