Enneagram Type 2

The Caring, Interpersonal Type: Demonstrative, Generous, People-Pleasing, and Possessive. The Helper is the one who loves to please and irradiate kindness by delivering themselves to others.

Twos are generous, supportive and caring. They have the drive to make the people around them feel loved and comfortable. It’s why they are called helpers and givers. Twos readily offer whatever they have: their time, their attention, or simply a bowl of hot soup. They love to feel involved in the lives and needs of the people around them.

It’s often hard for Twos to respect their own boundaries and openly ask for the things they need. Twos tend to pretend that they don’t have any needs of their own until they become resentful as a result of feeling like no one cares for them.

The one who loves to help and take care of other people, Enneagram type 2 knows that the best way to feel good is to give themselves unconditionally. This kind of hospitality becomes their way of life and influences their decisions. Contrary to selfishness, the Helper makes others its top priority and worries for their wellness.

Enneagram type two, The helper, is a really hospitable person who’s always trying to please and embrace others. The ones of this kind don’t hesitate to give a hand and give themselves to fulfill the needs of others. That generosity comes from a deep intention; that’s how type 2s are. When imbalanced, they can see love as an investment and their constant sacrifice might turn into disappointment as what they give out might not come back. “All you need is love,” is Enneagram type 2’s mantra. Type 2s are the lovers—the kindest and obliging ones among us. 

When Twos are healthy and in balance, they really are loving, helpful, generous, and considerate. People are drawn to them like bees to honey. Healthy Twos warm others in the glow of their hearts. They enliven others with their appreciation and attention, helping people to see positive qualities in themselves that they had not previously recognized. In short, healthy Twos are the embodiment of “the good parent” that everyone wishes they had: someone who sees them as they are, understands them with immense compassion, helps and encourages with infinite patience, and is always willing to lend a hand—while knowing precisely how and when to let go. Healthy Twos open our hearts because theirs are already so open and they show us the way to be more deeply and richly human.

However, Twos’ inner development may be limited by their “shadow side”—pride, self-deception, the tendency to become over-involved in the lives of others, and the tendency to manipulate others to get their own emotional needs met. Transformational work entails going into dark places in ourselves, and this very much goes against the grain of the Two’s personality structure, which prefers to see itself in only the most positive, glowing terms.

Average to unhealthy Twos seek validation of their worth by obeying their superego’s demands to sacrifice themselves for others. They believe they must always put others first and be loving and unselfish if they want to get love. The problem is that “putting others first” makes Twos secretly angry and resentful, feelings they work hard to repress or deny. Nevertheless, they eventually erupt in various ways, disrupting Twos’ relationships and revealing the inauthenticity of many of the average to unhealthy Two’s claims about themselves and the depth of their “love.”

Twos are warm and affectionate people with a lot of energy, which they invest into the people they love. For Twos, everything is relational. They view the world through the needs and desires of other people, having super fine antennas to pick up other people’s needs and what they can do to meet them.

It’s not hard for Twos to be popular with many people, because they make them feel cared for and accepted. What most people don’t know is that the Twos in their lives are often giving much more than they should while pretending to be a-ok. Twos take pride in being-there for others, but they have a hard time acknowledging that someone needs to be there for them, too.

Enneagram type two believe everything is ok when they are being loved. Of course, we all want and need love and to feel loved, but we can’t let other people define our value; type 2s think that the more they sacrifice themselves for others the more they are worthy of love. Love is sacrifice, abnegation. For Enneagram 2s, thinking and taking care of their own needs is unfair, selfish, and unacceptable. Being selfish is the worst thing they can think of, and they believe no one can love someone like that. Everything in their lives is divided into two opposing sides: being good and helpful (+) or being selfish and only thinking about yourself (-). The Helper feels that being loved requires renouncing themselves, but deep inside they know it’s not a selfless resignation; there’s an implied price within the action itself.

In the average status, Enneagram 2s are concerned about their relationships. They spend much time thinking about what to do to get closer to the people they love, and sometimes they plan big gestures to show their affection.That’s because they love to show love, but also because they want to make sure that they’re doing enough to be loved back. This could affect Type 2’s spontaneity and lead them to suppress their real reactions in order to always please others. They worry about doing something wrong and giving other people reasons to not love them anymore. Most of the time people feel really comfortable around an Enneagram type 2. They are generous, empathetic, and really good listeners.

The helpful and friendly nature of Twos can become suddenly aggressive and demanding when they become too worn out by being there for everyone else all the time. In these moments, the hidden pride of Twos a of how special they are in the lives of others appears, and they can turn to open or subtle means of manipulation to get what they want.

Healthy Enneagram Type 2

On a healthy basis, Twos are deeply dedicated to people, unselfish and compassionate. People love to be around them because Twos highlight the best of them. It’s a religious experience, as Enrique Iglesias said. They love truly; they radiate love and forgiveness. Nothing is more graceful than seeing Twos just be themselves because it’s uncommon to experience that kind of warmth. They are an unconditional love source since they are no longer at war with themselves. Twos are unconditional to others; there is no broken mirror now, no more sharp tips in their reflections. There are no threats. Isn’t it interesting that their unhealthy version just shows them that the more they resist to love themselves, the less they are able to feel and receive love? Twos have the key; they can use it to close the door or to open it.

Healthy Twos have found their self-worth inside themselves and outside of what they are to others. They lose their fear of losing relationships by asking for what they want. Their boundaries become healthy, and they’re able and willing to defend them. They also know what’s theirs to do and what is not. They can accurately discern when it’s their turn to offer help and when it is someone else’s. Healthy Twos are able to achieve both of their innermost desires: To be loved and to be truly selfless.

Healthy Levels:

Level 1 (At Their Best): Become deeply unselfish, humble, and altruistic: giving unconditional love to self and others. Feel it is a privilege to be in the lives of others.

Level 2: Empathetic, compassionate, feeling for others. Caring and concerned about their needs. Thoughtful, warm-hearted, forgiving and sincere.

Level 3: Encouraging and appreciative, able to see the good in others. Service is important, but takes care of self too: they are nurturing, generous, and giving—a truly loving person.

Average Enneagram Type 2

On average levels of psychological health, Twos focus most of their energy on others: their family and loved ones, their colleagues and friends. They get a lot of appreciation for the things they do for others, which is what keeps them afloat throughout the day. When they get exhausted, they tell themselves that it’s better to make other people happy by giving them what they want than appearing selfish. But from time to time, there can be frustration from the feeling that people take them for granted, while in fact the Two simply hasn’t been able to tell anyone what they actually need.

Average Levels:

Level 4: Want to be closer to others, so start “people pleasing,” becoming overly friendly, emotionally demonstrative, and full of “good intentions” about everything. Give seductive attention: approval, “strokes,” flattery. Love is their supreme value, and they talk about it constantly.

Level 5: Become overly intimate and intrusive: they need to be needed, so they hover, meddle, and control in the name of love. Want others to depend on them: give, but expect a return: send double messages. Enveloping and possessive: the codependent, self-sacrificial person who cannot do enough for others—wearing themselves out for everyone, creating needs for themselves to fulfill.

Level 6: Increasingly self-important and self-satisfied, feel they are indispensable, although they overrate their efforts in others’ behalf. Hypochondria, becoming a “martyr” for others. Overbearing, patronizing, presumptuous.

Unhealthy Enneagram Type 2

On an unhealthy level, type twos start to manipulate people so they love them or feel indebted to them. If nothing else, they naturally do whatever it takes to attract the ones they love; they even start to act possessively without realizing it’s wrong because in some way they think their behavior is justified. Recognition and being loved is so important to Enneagram 2s that the fear turns them into an aggressive and selfish lover. Begging for love is such a painful way to live that they get angry. Why do they need to ask for something they deserve? Why does nobody see everything type 2s do for them? Maybe it’s time they give themselves what they expect from other people; otherwise, they may find that they are making mountains out of a molehills. Type 2 shouldn’t bite their shadow; they should give it love instead. In any case, in an unhealthy state, type 2s can pose like Rose posed for Jack in the Titanic, but in their case the image would be a baroque painting focused on them as a martyr instead.

Psychologically unhealthy Twos become more manipulative to get their needs met. They start to “give” where no one asked them to in the hope of getting a response. Unhealthy Twos like to play the martyr who always sacrifices themselves without anyone ever caring for them. Their relationships can become co-dependent, trying to keep people dependent on them, even if it harms them or keeps them unhealthy. Their fear of appearing selfish actually makes them more selfish.

Unhealthy Levels:

Level 7: Can be manipulative and self-serving, instilling guilt by telling others how much they owe them and make them suffer. Abuse food and medication to “stuff feelings” and get sympathy. Undermine people, making belittling, disparaging remarks. Extremely self-deceptive about their motives and how aggressive and/or selfish their behavior is.

Level 8: Domineering and coercive: feel entitled to get anything they want from others: the repayment of old debts, money, sexual favors.

Level 9: Able to excuse and rationalize what they do since they feel abused and victimized by others and are bitterly resentful and angry. Somatization of their aggressions results in chronic health problems as they vindicate themselves by “falling apart” and burdening others. Generally corresponds to the Histrionic Personality Disorder and Factitious Disorder.

Growth opportunities that are typically associated with the Enneagram 2

• Remembering to attend to their own personal needs

• Learning to accept help from other people

• Recognizing that their value lies beyond what they can offer others

• Acknowledging and work through negative emotions, rather than avoiding them

Be Direct: You are a master of figuring out what others need from you before they even open their mouth. Most other people however don’t possess that special skill. But they are happy to help you if you tell them clearly what you need. Try telling them directly instead of hinting at it, hoping that they get it (and being frustrated when they don’t).

Learn To Say No: Not everything people ask you to do is actually yours to do. Yes, it feels good to see the smile on their face after you help them. But it’s not worth the exhaustion and neglecting your own needs. Defending your boundaries is a job only you can do.

Beware Of Flattery: It’s okay that not everybody likes you. Catch yourself when you’re pushing too hard to present a likeable image or use flattery to win people’s approval. There are plenty of people out there who will like you just as you are.

Pay Attention To Yourself: Ask yourself at least once a day: What are my emotional needs right now? Are they being met? Am I expecting others to meet them for me, or do I need to attend to them myself? You are a master of compassion. Don’t be afraid to use it on yourself.

Check Your Pride: Helping others is beautiful in and of itself. Remember that it loses its purpose when it’s only done to reinforce your importance in other people’s lives. Be careful to not misuse their gratitude to compensate for a deeper fear of being unlovable.