Ne'erdowells

History

Formation and Early Years

Ne'erdowells certainly have an interesting history. Mr. Freeway, whose first name da Vinci is still rumoured to be trying to crack, left his position in a Pepsi production facility in the heartlands of Moldova in the fall of 2016. The motivation behind this is still somewhat puzzling, but we do know that he siphoned off some of the expensive Pepsi ingredients, to then repackage them and sell his own soft drinks to German supermarket Lidl. By stealing Pepsi's own ingredients and then undercutting them by almost 96.27%, Mr. Freeway now lives in idyllic bliss in the Romanian mountains. Such illegal undertakings have been hidden successfully under the ruse of the Romanian rugby club Ne'erdowells, in which Mr. Freeway has assembled the worlds most degenerate and sickening rugby players. This all-star team break most World Rugby laws and regulations that the authorities have no time to investigate the rise of Freeway drinks to the detriment of Pepsi.

Sarcastically bragging to the European higher-ups that his Freeway soda has 5% natural ingredients, Mr. Freeway knows full well the Ne'erdowells only leaving 5% of their opponents players left on the pitch after 80 minutes takes the priority of the policing authorities.

The Union of the Two Towers

Soon after the creation of the club, Mr. Freeway opened the lines of communication with a Scottish drinks entrepreneur, Mr. Barr. These two men had the same mission: to sell soft drinks in low-income areas by horrifically undercutting major supermarkets. Mr. Freeway proposed an alliance to end all alliances, and finally finish off Pepsi and her subsidiaries. So, the Union of the Two Towers was established, which was named after their respective residences. Mr. Freeway from the Phoenix Copper Smelter in Baia Mare, and Mr. Barr from his Muirhouse skyrise in North Lanarkshire. We know very little of the actual line-by-line agreement of the union, but we believe it is similar to the above scene from The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002).

Mr. Freeway purchases the MET Office

In January 2017 Mr. Freeway made his first investment since the establishment of Freeway and Sugarland™ . At the time this was a fairly strange acquisition for the Freeway brand, because owning the MET Office has literally no consequence on actual meteorology. However, the combination of tampering with the weather forecasts, the 2017 Great Star Alignment, Ne'erdowells' player Paul Weathering and a cauldron of all four Freeway fizzy drinks mixed together, led to weather conditions which exclusively effected Ne'erdowells' home games. The torrential rain caused unprecedented levels of panic induced handling errors, the most in the history of top division rugby.

The Identity Shift

In recent years the rugby club has suffered from an identity crisis. Although they rose through the ranks using filthy rugby tactics, such as eye gouging, scrum tickling, and kicking balls after knock-ons, they eventually reaped the awards of this progress by signing talented and creative players such as Count Dracula and Kone 2012. Although these ruggers are some of the most sickening players to have ever stepped foot on the pitch, their assets demanded a new Ne'erdowells approach to the game. Currently this identity shift has left the club floundering in mid-table obscurity, trying to balance aggressive and hard hitting tactics, with rugby that, in the words of Wayne Barnes, 'the people will pay to see'. Afterall, money trumps all other features of life in Mr. Freeway's world.