Pro 12 - Week 20

Kick-Off: 13:00

Shingjea Islanders - 10

Tries: G. Root Cons: F. Ge Pens: F. Ge

Ne'erdowells - 3

Pens: A. Foot

A tense affair at the Arena Manawatu opened with a bang; in the shape of a Fugui Ge chokeslam. The hosts were missing their zen-like leader in an injured Master Togo, delegating captaincy to 'dirty work' specialist Lukas Vasburg.

Instructor Ng colossally botched an attack 3m from the tryline, having broken through the line he opted for a grubber kick. The ball went dead and the Arena Manawatu was clamouring for his retirement.

A frustrated Shingjea conceded a penalty shortly afterwards well within Athlete's Foot's range. In typical fashion he tucked it home, thus granting a stale Ne'erdowells the lead. Missing star player Benjamin Godzilla they looked frankly trash tier, seemingly suffering a creativity drought.

Fugui Ge levelled with a penalty of his own right on the halftime klaxon horn.

Pressure mounted once again on the Pure Evil defence, and this time it resulted in a try from new signing, Grasping Root. It came as a result of some scintillating phase play from the Afflicted locks.

A dreary performance from the Ne'erdowells who look to be scraping bonus points so as to continue riding on their earlier success in the Pro 12.

Evening Rot correspondent James 'Middle-aged Man' Cooper caught a word with ex-Ne'erdowell winger Tony Hawk's Skateboard while he was practicing his 360 Melon Rides in the car park: "I'd like to see [Mr] Freeway put on more of a show away from home. I know he's put [Tony] Spreadbury up in a palace for the weekend, but it just isn't enough."

Channel 5's Connor Murray spoke to Shingjea Islanders skipper Lukas Vasburg:

VASBURG: "I am Lukas. I am already quite legendary amongst the warriors of my people, the Kurzicks."

MURRAY: "Yes Lukas, I know who you are. Obviously you've performed very well at this club, give us an insight as to why you picked up the sport."

VASBURG: "Who wouldn't require the services of a hero such as me? There was little else to do on Shing Jea Island, so I figured I would come here."