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Addaya is being exiled today, and I feel like my insides are twisted into knots. I've been so angry and scared and sad that I don't even know what to feel anymore, I'm all spent up, I've even caught myself laughing a few times while dry crying. I haven't been able to see her, not even for a moment. The guards have been ordered to let no one near her. I've been clinging to any shred of hope, any tiny thing that might make this bearable. So, I begged that guard, Denen - the one who shows me affection when off duty - to give her a note. I poured every bit of fake courage I had into that little scrap of papyrus, telling her I love her, that I'll always love her and she'll always have me, that I believe she'll find the adventures she's always dreamed of. Maybe it's a lie and all she meet is destitution and misery, but it's a lie she and I both need right now.

Yesterday was the worst. The royal proceeding was a sham, nothing but high ball smoke and mirrors to wring her up. They said Nakh didn't say a word to defend her. Not a single word. How could he just stand there and let this happen? I thought he loved her! I thought he would protect her! I feel so betrayed, like he's abandoned both of us. I'm furious. My tears won't stop, and every time I think of him standing there, doing nothing, I want to scream. I want to punch something. It's like he stabbed her in the back, and it hurts so much.

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I keep trying to tell myself maybe he had no choice, that maybe he's got some secret plan to save her. But it's hard to hold onto that hope. The palace is full of rumors, and everyone's looking at me like I know something they don't! I don't do you hear me! I want them to stop whispering, stop judging. Leave me alone!

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Now, I'm just waiting. Waiting for that moment when I might catch a glimpse of her as she's taken away. My heart is breaking, and I feel like I'm being torn in two. Addaya, my best friend, my sister in everything but blood, is being ripped away from me, and there's nothing I can do. I feel so helpless...

It has been a year since Addaya's exile has occurred, and thus my brother's sentence. To the outside world, he fulfills his duties perfectly, executing every task without fail always it should be. The advisors and nobles commend to Pharaoh his unwavering dedication, yet they fail to see the turmoil that consumes him. When his official obligations are completed, Nakh vanishes from sight. He shuns all social functions and voluntary gatherings, retreating into a solitude that grows more impenetrable with each passing day.

The palace whispers of his nightly wanderings. Guards and servants often glimpse him in the dead of night, haunting the corners of Khepresh where he once spent hours with Addaya. As he has told me these retreats, once alive with their shared happiness and whispered secrets, now echo with his solitary presence. What's more those who see him say they often see in his hand something sparkle through the darkness.

I am nearly the only one he speaks to, and even then, our conversations are limited. We talk of Khepresh, of the kingdom's affairs, and occasionally of the lands beyond our borders. But mostly, we speak of Addaya. His voice, once full of life and dreams, is now jagged with a sorrow that time has not yet healed. He wonders where she is, what she is doing, if she ever thinks of him as he thinks of her. The pain in his eyes is a constant reminder of his lingering grief and unfulfilled longing. Often late at night when we are both drunk he tries to justify what needs no justification to me----'what else could I do... right! if I did not give her up she would, wou, would be dead now!'----and so forth and so forth.

It breaks my heart to see my brother like this, lost in this desert of despair. I try to be there for him, to offer what comfort I can, but it feels like trying to hold back a storm that wants to break. The wound left by Addaya's exile is deep and does not forget itself in his mind. I fear for Nakh's future, for the man he is becoming a man defined by loss and haunted---yet kept alive---by memories. I can only hope that, in time, he will find a way to heal, to move forward. Until then, I will stand by him, the one person who lets him remember his love.