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I canâ't stop shaking. It's been three days since Addaya has been taken, and I still feel like I'm going to be sick. I haven't seen her since that awful night, but I've heard she's alive, thank the gods. They say she's unharmed, but the penalty for such a thing is Death. Death! Even public torture is used when it comes to matter of treason, and I heard a few older merchants speaking how this act could be considered a betrayal of state----what!? My mind is spinning! How did this happen.... How could everything go so wrong!
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That morning those days ago, I overheard the servants whispering about a commotion in the palace. My heart sank when I realized they were talking about Addaya. The older maid, Bithia, pulled me aside, her face pale, and told me that Addaya had been taken after being caught with the Prince. My legs gave out, and I had to grip the wall to keep from collapsing. Addaya, my best friend, always so bold, always so in love----so foolish! I warned her! I did! but she was so sure, so confident in their facade.
I've tried to go about my duties, but my hands won't stop trembling. I can't focus on anything. The whispers in the halls feel like knives stabbing into me. They're now saying she's going to be exiled, and all I can think about is how alone she'll be----in the desert no less, it might as well be a death sentence for a thin limbed girl like her... but at least she's alive.. I guess... for now.. No! I have to hold onto that. I have to believe that Prince Setnakht will find a way to protect her, even if it means giving up everything.
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I haven't seen her since that night, and it's killing me. I imagine her locked away, scared and alone, and it tears me apart. Is she okay? Is she hurt? Does she know I'm thinking about her every second! What a thing to say, my best friend is imprisoned and I'm dithering like a monkey about how it affects me.
I want to see her, to hold her hand and tell her it's going to be okay, but they won't let anyone near her, least of all some lowly servant girl. The halls echo with whispers... the palace feels like a tomb now, cold and full of shadows. The other servants won't look me in the eye, and I can feel their assorted darts of disdain and pity. It's suffocating.
I keep thinking about the boy who betrayed them. He's just a commoner like us, but he's always had his eyes on Addaya. I thought Menes was harmless, just another boy with a crush. But jealousy is a powerful thing. Seeing the Prince with Addaya, it must have driven him mad. The Prince has everything - wealth, power, status - and Menes, he has nothing but his little life like the rest of us where we're told what to do and where to go. It's not fair. It's not right. But it's the world we live in. I hate him for what he's done, for the pain he's caused. If I ever see him again, I don't know if I'll be able to control myself. My hands shake just thinking about it.
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I keep telling myself that the Prince will protect her. He loves her. He wouldn't let anything happen to her. Maybe he'll disown the Kingdom, run away with her. Maybe they'll find a way to be together, despite everything. But then I remember how dangerous that is, how risky. What if they get caught again? What if they can't escape? My mind is a mess, bouncing from hope to despair and back again.
I can't help but think about all the times I warned her, told her to be careful. I was always so scared something like this would happen. And now it has. I feel like my mind is split open, my thoughts banging around the walls of this very place. I'm angry, I'm scared, I'm helpless. I want to do something, but I don't know what. Just stop stop stop.
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It's night and everything's quiet, I'm lying awake thinking about Addaya. I'm praying for her, for her safety, for her strength. I pray that she knows I'm thinking about her, that she's not alone. I pray that one day, we'll see each other again. Until then, I'm just here in bed, waiting, hoping, trying not to fall apart while my ravaged nerves send me to sleep.