The Results are Worth the Work

I love restored cars. And for for many, getting an old car to look brand new is a worthy dream. But the steps leading to the results (patience, money and endurance) separate the dreamers from the doers.  The same is true with anything. Young people dream of how wonderful it would be to be a doctor or a successful business person, but again, the price is so high- hence there aren’t that many successful businesses (per capita) and there are never enough doctors. 

My brother Chris (an Emmy award winning writer, and at the time, living in Hollywood) explained it to me like this-  “Johnny, Everyone in this town wants to be a writer, but very few of them are willing to write.” 

Similarly, everyone wants to be happily married but not everyone is willing to master principles and practices that lead to a happy marriage. 

"But shouldn’t love and getting along with my sweetheart just come naturally?" we think.

It’s interesting- In other areas of our lives we're willing to practice and train but there seems to be a misguided premise lurking in our mind about marriage e.g. “Well of course training and practice makes sense in life goals, but success in marriage should just come naturally if you truly love someone! - at least it seemed to in the last several romantic comedies I watched.”

One of my favorite therapist, Emil Harker, puts it like this:

"I recently received a call from a woman that was shocked when her husband called her told her, 'I am in love with someone else and I want a divorce.'

After talking to her later, she revealed that they had become complacent in their marriage.

At the same time this was going down on I watched a documentary or Alex Hammold the rock climber that free Climbed (Solo) the 3000 shear granite face of El Capitan. The feat is unfathomable but his comments were even more astonishing. He said he wasn’t afraid anytime during the climb.

I started thinking about how Alex was able to overcome his fears that ultimately lead to his monumental success and how that compares to success in marriage. He was relentless in his practice of climbing this wall and would focus his energy on the most difficult parts over and over again until it was a smooth choreographed dance.

I thought, if Alex can free solo a 3,000 ft granite cliff where the slightest mistake could lead to ultimate death, why not train for marriage the same way.

I imagined if this husband and wife would have trained even a little bit in their marriage not only would they still be together but their children would still have their mom and dad together for this Thanksgiving and Christmas and the next 50 too. Instead, their lives are changed forever.

What if we all lived our marriage on purpose and trained in our marriages to successfully navigate the hard parts of life without fear and experience ultimate success and satisfaction in life." - Emil Harker