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Click Here For Chapter Summary & Action
Click Here For Chapter Summary & Action
Overview:
Most people want a great marriage (and a great life), but few are willing to build habits that lead to what they want. YOU are one of those few!
Action Summary
Through "Triggers", "Stacking" and "Tracking, develop habits that support your marriage and your personal goals (see below for "Reccomended CGPS Habits and Rituals).
Secret of the Universe
"When this whole world is obliviated, the only thing you will find in the ashes is that which you practiced." - Tammy Peterson
What would you like to find "in the ashes", or I would say, in your soul at the end of your life? Whatever skills, character or attributes you're seeking are created in consistent, daily, weekly, practice- and the power of forming habits is that once something is moving, it tends to continue to move and this momentum is the added power needed to maintain the habit and reach the goal!
Stacking & Tracking
Habit Stacking and Habit Tracking are the fundamental tools of developing a greater conciousness in developing habits. Use one or both- whatever you think is best for you.
Triggers
Habit stacking relies on triggers. For example: Every time you get up from your chair at work, you get a drink of water (if that’s a habit you’re forming). The trigger is getting up from your chair.
Stacks
Example: When the alarm goes off in the morning, this could trigger getting on your mini tramp, which could then trigger praying or meditating (after the tramp), etc. 2 or more connected habits are what B.J. Fogg describes as a Habit Stacks.
Written "Stacking" Affirmations
James Clear and B.J. Fogg recommend a written list of your most important habit stacks in the form of affirmations (see below). You could put these as a document in your project management app and/or on your bathroom mirror.
When I get up from my desk at work I first get a drink of water.
When I sit down to eat I read from an important book.
Every time I come back to my desk I do 15 push ups before sitting down again.
After I read an email I can’t deal with immediately, I mark it as unread.
After I get home, I hang my keys on a hook , then find my spouse and give her a hug.
After giving my wife a hug I play basket ball with the kids etc.
⚓ The key is anchoring a new habit with an established behavior i.e., After hanging my keys on the key hook, I give my wife a hug etc. In any event, triggered Habit Stack affirmations like the list above can be put on your bathroom mirror as a reminder of what you're "stacking."
Habit Tracking
Habit Tracking can be used instead of or in combination with your Habit Stacks & Affirmations.
Tracking provides the added incentive of getting to check something off! Yay! Note that if checking things off doesn’t feel good to you personally, don’t do it- just stick to Habit Stacks & Affirmations (posted on your mirror and/or fridge).
But be honest with yourself. You may really be blessed by doing both (Stacking and Tracking).
Combining Stacking with Tracking
If you're stacking and tracking, you may want to Track each Stack, as shown below
Daily Habits - (Example of 4 "Stacks", below)
✔ Prayer, Exercise, Plan Day
✔ 10+ minutes prioritizing. Check business emails & texts.
✔ Text spouse &/or one of my kids after lunch.
✔ Nightly Check-In, Family Prayer, Journal
Combining Habits (taking advantage of the 43%)
According to therapist Tony Overbay, 43% of what we do each day, we can do while doing something else. For instance, sometimes I practice vocal exercises when I vacuum at my house, or when getting ready for work I listen to educational podcasts.
Possible habits to Stack and/or Track
The possibilities are endless. Keep in mind, if something is already a habit, you wouldn't need to track it. "Habit Tracking" is to get something to habit status. At any rate, here's some fun possibilities to consider for your habit tracking.
Possible habits to Stack and/or Track
The possibilities are endless. Keep in mind, if something is already a habit, you wouldn't need to track it. "Habit Tracking" is to get something to habit status. At any rate, here's some fun possibilities to consider for your habit tracking.
Daily possibilities
Prayer & Meditation (at least 15 minutes a day)
Exercise (at least walking, at least 20 min. a day)
Planning your day / Breaking down, refining and re-prioritizing actions (at least 10 min. a day)
Inspirational reading (i.e. The Bible, Tony Robbins, Bonds that Make Us Free etc. )
Work “Inspirational Input” into dead time (having your favorite podcasts ready for your walks, drives, dishes etc.)
Eating whole foods the whole day (highly acclaimed health habit)
Getting in cold water once a day for a few minutes (highly acclaimed health habit)
Sauna 3 times a week (highly acclaimed health habit)
Walk on grass, bare footed (3 times a week)
Family prayer at least once a day
Attention one of your spouse’s Love Language actions once a day.
Have sit down dinner every evening.
Play with kids and/or spouse once a day.
Nightly Check-in.
Kid Check-In (Talk to spouse about who needs what, or how you can bless each).
Financial accounting (budget) (a powerful too for creating peace & harmony)
Community service through your church, or service organization at least once a week.
Date night, once a week.
Journal
Couple Prayer (and/or meditation).
Habit Tracking (This is the most important. Fully face your life, every day).
Bed by ___ (Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy & wise)
Weekly possibilities
Date night with spouse.
Fun activity with kids.
Weekly Planning. Prioritize projects... identifying key actions, setting due dates. Stephen Covey and David Allen both agree that that weekly planning is the most important part of planning.
Particular Attention to Your Morning "Power Hour" Possibilities
A study of happy billionaires (not just rich people- happy people) showed a minimum of 3 hours for their morning "power hour."
Exercise
High Five (See "The High 5 Habit" by Mel Robbins)
Inspirational or educational input
Pray, meditate, read scriptures
Vision (Seeing your dreams “Going there.”)
Planning (including blocking out time for key projects).
CGPS Homework
Mastery Journal
Sauna or walk barefoot on grass
Breakthrough, or meditation
Breakfast with Loved One(s)
Refining Goals & Priorities
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