Tip 1) ⌚ Set a goal for how long you want to spend talking &/or writing
Getting to know each other is fun but takes effort. Free flow chit-chat (what you’re used to) is easier and sometimes even better, but to get the benefits of guided conversations, set a time goal to keep yourself in the game i.e. 10 to 60 minutes.
Tip 2) Positive / Upbeat - Conversations can be revealing but should be positive, upbeat & hopeful.
Tip 3) 🌞 Point your spouse to possibilities vs. disappointments.
For instance “I love it when you cook for me” vs. “I wish you weren’t so buried in your work that you can’t make a meal once in a while.”
Tip 4) 💙 Share You - Focus on your feelings- doing your best to not implicate your spouse i.e. 😇 "I feel alone sometimes and miss feeling close to you" vs. 👿 "Since you're hardly ever around it makes me feel lonely."
Tip 5a) 🤨 Don't make your spouse wrong or judge him or her in anyway i.e. “No! that’s not what I’m saying!” or "That's crazy!" etc. Instead, seek understanding i.e. "That's interesting. I didn't know you felt that way. Tell me more about that." etc.
Tip 5b) When your spouse tries to feed back to you what he's hearing, don't make him or her wrong. Be encouraging i.e. "That's close. Thanks for trying to understand. Let me add more (or maybe say it differently) etc."
Tip 6) 🦄 Drop your agenda on how this time together should go. Your spouse may not fully appreciate the CGPS suggested formats or these tips. That’s O.K. If there is sincere sharing, at any level, in anyway your spouse shares, you are getting to know each other. Yay!
Tip 7) 💜 Don't expect your spouse to change because you’re sharing your feelings. Intimacy isn’t about changing each other. It’s about knowing each other.
Tip 8) 🥰 Do your best to not take anything personally. If you are tempted to take something personally, instead, consider what you're hearing as a treasure map- leading to your spouse’s heart.
Tip 9) You can give the same answer or share as your spouse’s if that’s what you feel too.
Tip 10) You can return to any subject line in future conversations and give the same answers, or different ones.
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