Love Map

The Love Map Journey 

In general, speaking each other’s love language, even a little, can heal lifelong doubts and wounds. At an even deeper level, our soul’s mantra becomes “As I give you what you need, I grow. As you give me what I need, I heal.”

The Love Map exercise below (Share & Record) is to heighten your awareness of your spouse’s love language and increase your desire for making your amazing spouse feel more loved! You may want to revisit “Love Map” (this page) once or twice a year- usually during a Private Retreat or just from time to time as you sense a need. 

Once you’ve shed light on what you each need and fully commit to Nightly Check-In and Weekly Inventory, you have started a steady, wonderful journey toward fully coming through for each other. It’s that simple. 

Love Map - Share & Record
Note: A laptop or desktop computer shows the lists below quite a bit better.

Instructions 

1) Each of you, pick 10 - 20 options from the lists below. (What are the words and/or actions that reach you- that fill your “love bucket”, as Gary Chapman puts it).  Note: You can just write down the numbers i.e. "Touch #4, 8, 9 etc." 

2) Write your top 3 to 5 in a notebook or note app on your phone. 

3) Read and if helpful, briefly explain your top 3 to 5 love-languages to each other including what this language looks or sounds like i.e. ”I really love back rubs. How that looks for me is at least 5 minutes, with lotion, nice & easy, not like a professional” or ”Taking walks together. How it looks for me is at least 20 minutes, holding hands & chit chatting.”

Note: Be inspired on how to phrase your needs and wishes so as not to offend your partner. Make it about you and what you need, not about his or her’s weakness. Preface this with “What I share with you now is not about you or your shortcomings. It is my commitment to show you even more clearly the way to my heart. Thank you so much for your willingness to listen to my needs.”  Additionally, acknowledge all that he or she has already done in connection with what you’ve listed &/or rated.

4) List your spouse’s top 5 love languages in your notebook or your document app. Entitle this “The way to my spouse’s Heart” (or whatever you’d like to call it). This is for you to regularly meditate and act on. You could use google docs, evernote, or todoist, or just a notebook).

5) List 1 or 2 ways you will speak your spouse's love language in your Habit Tracker i.e. “Buy my wife flowers” (Weekly), “Give husband 3 hugs a day, whether I feel like it or not."

6) Stay on target / Celebrate Progress - Celebrate every moment you succeed in making your spouse feel loved. What could be more wonderful?! Thank God you are learning to love the most important human being you can love while on earth! Be encouraging to yourself. Any little thing is better than nothing! Be encouraging to your spouse for the same reason. 

Speak to your spouses victories- even if you sense he or she even just wants to come through in certain ways, but is still struggling- your cheerleading is everything! 

Finally, as and if inspired, lead and guide each other- tenderly and sparingly in your Nightly Check-In and Weekly Inventory. 

But again, be encouraging i.e. "I've loved how we've spent more time together lately. I'd love to do even more if you're willing- like maybe a weekend get a way this month. Do you think you'd be willing to do that?" etc.  

Remember, as James puts it, “…ships (relation ships), which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds (issues and wounds), yet are they turned about with a very small helm.” James 3:4 (parenthesis added).  That “small helm” (in marriage) is Nightly Check-In, Weekly Inventory and Private Retreats.