Gratitude +

“You can habitually look at what is not there in your relationship, at your disappointments, and fill your mind with thoughts of irritation, hurt, and contempt. (But), If you can learn to think empathetically rather than negatively about what your spouse is going through, and maintain your admiration for your spouse's good qualities, you will not be plagued with overwhelming distress.”  -  Dr. John Gottman

Journaling (“100 things + General Gratitude) is a major part of rewiring parts of your brain that are keeping your from a great marriage.

Part 1 - 100 Things

Train your mind away from reactivity, agenda, disappointment etc.  back to your real self, the you that loves the person you married.

1) Create a journal in an actual notebook or on your phone.

2) List 100 things you… like, or love, or admire, or respect, or appreciate, or that make you proud of your spouse.

3) Try to finish your list within 3 weeks.
The more you look for what you appreciate, the more you will begin to see.  The more that appears, the deeper still is your appreciation. The “100 things” list isn't just a chance to express gratitude for your spouse. It’s an opportunity to raise your entire level of existence- opening your eyes and heart and starting to feel a joy that only can come in gratitude. 

Journal starters:

• What I love about you is ____

• What I really like about you is ____

• I love it when ____ 

• I like how  ____

• I admire _____ 

• I respect_____

• I appreciate _____ 

• I'm proud of (or because) ____

4) When inspired, share your list with your spouse. This could be when you've reached 100 or just anytime you'd like to share what you've got so far. 

5) But a star by your top 10 and from time to time, think about how much harder life would be without these positives in your spouse. When you find yourself following a critical train of thought about your mate, use the list to interrupt your thinking. Make a habit of this process and the change can be dramatic.” (Inspired by John Gottman)

Part 2 - General Gratitude & Breakthroughs

Create another section in your journal for general gratitude and/or breakthroughs.

For example,  “I came to understand the importance of listening today when for once, I sat down next to my spouse and just listened. It was awesome”, or “I feel so blessed that we were able to have all the kids over for dinner last night. They are so fun!” etc.

Make a goal, independent and following your “100 Things” list, on how many days a week you’ll write in your gratitude journal (also called a "Mastery Journal).