Damning and Blaming

Damming is more or less, similar to cursing on something when something happened outside the expected results. It is the severe form of blame. Damming is not always ended badly. It depends on when and how to associate / dissociate damming, at the right time with the right motive.

Types of Damming

There are 3 types of damming, the hypocrite one for all, associate (self-esteem), and dissociate (self-acceptance).

Hypocrite One For All

This is when you are not practicing what you damn about other for doing bad, regardless whether you're associating or dissociate from the thing you damn about.

Here, bad is something went against one's self values. Therefore, the word "hypocrite" applies here. It is merely describing a plausible event when one damn another person over his/her values.

Associate Damming (Self-Esteem)

This is when you believe that to be good, you need to be good and dissociate from being bad. Everyone has a chance to correct himself/herself and dissociate from evilness.

If you damn another person while believing in self-esteem growth, you are against your own believe because that tells the other person to dissociate from being good.

A good case is child exploiter / terrorist committed his/her crime. If you damn them instead of working with your principle, you're reinforcing them to continue to cause damage to the society.

Dissociate Damming (Self- Acceptance)

This is when you believe that everyone should be as he/she is. Everyone is responsible for for his/her own to detach from good and bad.

If you damn another person while believing in self-acceptance growth, you're also against your own believe because by damning itself is bad, thus, forcing them to be attached towards the bad.

Back to the child exploiter / terrorist case study. If you damn them, which grants the society a license to hate them, you're essentially reinforce them to commit more crime due to the hatred.

Consequences of Damming or Blaming

Overall, if you do blame or damn, it creates more problems instead of solving the actual problem. Blaming and damming creates the following consequences:

• maintain the original problem without solving it
• creates new conflict with people
• creates new conflict with reality
• causes new stress
• waste time and energy
• take extra efforts to stop
• destroys acceptance of life
• destroys peace in mind
• permeate problem solving
• permeate coping

Hence, you still have the original problem with extra problems to handle. That is the reason we do not play blame and damn game.

Knowing Blaming and Damming Sources

Since blaming and damming are not doing any good, we need to learn how to stop it. There are various ways to cause you damming:

GAADSAP

• GUILT is self-damning you blame yourself for.
• ANXIETY is self-damning you want to prevent.
• DEPRESSION is self-damning you believe you will have forever.
• SHAME is self-damning you think you deserve.
• ANGER is self-damning you blame others for.
• ATTACHED is self-damning you own and identify with.
• PRIDE is self-damning you turn onto others.

Shoulda and Musta Candy

1. Damning gives us the opportunity to go to extremes.
2. Extremes give us the opportunity to gather many shoulds.
3. Shoulds give us the opportunity to know better.
4. Knowing better gives us the opportunity to have pride.
5. Pride gives us the ego payoffs that we sacrifice all else for.

• Everyone must love, care about, approve of, or accept me and whenever I do - because if they do not all view me and whatever I do positively, then I must view myself as negative self-concepts (stupid, worthless, defective, unwanted, weak)
• I must be perfect, competent, successful, productive, or adequate in all things (or, at least, in one major thing). Else, I must view myself a failure.
• People who do bad things are bad, rotten, wicked people who must be blamed, dammed, and severely punished.
• If I am treated unfairly or am frustrated, then the treatment is catastrophe that must not be allowed to happen again. Else, my negative treatment will prove that I am insignificant and undesirable human being.
• The world makes me feel the way I do, and that world must take responsibility to change and control how I feel. Else, I will be blamed or dammed for my bad feelings.
• If someone scares me, is very odd, or is very dangerous, then I must become nervous and rattle my brain about it.
• I must avoid responsibility, because it is easier and more satisfying to avoid responsibility than it is to learn self-discipline. Else I will be blamed or dammed for irresponsibility.
• The past must be held responsible for the present, because there is no way out of their cause-effect relationship. Else I will be blamed or dammed for mistake or bad experience in the present.
• I or we must solve every problem in the world so that life will not be awful or disaster. Else my failure will prove that I'm inadequate and a complete failure as human being.
• I must have nothing to do, for then and only then will I have the time to be happy and enjoy myself. Else I will get caught doing things badly and be blamed and dammed as my failure.

Stopping Damming and Blaming

To stop the damming and blaming, you start off by recognizing the motive of doing so. Example:

• The problem is still my ego pain, emotional pain, and psychological pain that is caused by my self-damning.
• The problem gets better, because my desire to stop damning myself turns into my damning my disturbed thinking.
• I seek to end my problem of self-damning by refocusing my damning onto my thinking errors.
  • I damn my foolish conditioning, life scripts, programming, and unproductive habits instead of myself.
  • I damn my foolish choices, decisions, and thinking habits instead of myself.

Then recognize you need correction (learning), not damning (failing). These are the effects between correction and damning:

• decrease negativity vs. increase negativity
• asks to come in vs. closed
• bring to light vs. suppress
• encourage testing vs. discourage testing
• expose vs. cover
• light feel vs. heavy feel
• open like a flower vs. pressing in like a worm
• positive attitude vs. negative attitude
• positive fruit vs. negative fruit
• promote examination vs. avoids examination
• remove vs. reinforce
• reveal negative vs. add to negative
• seek the light vs. afraid the light
• undermine negative vs. strengthen negative
• uplifting vs. oppressive
• waiting patiently vs. insistent

Also, complain nothing but ourselves. Hence, always do the following checklist:

• Whining, blaming, and damning show that you are putting ego pleasure ahead of relationships.
• Whining, blaming, and damning show that your priority is self-righteousness.
• Whining, blaming, and damning show that you are willing to sacrifice yourself and others for the pride of knowing better.
• Whining, blaming, and damning are when you hypocritically collect and send out the negative while being mad at others for doing the same.
• Whining, blaming, and damning are when you do evil in the name of good.
• Whining, blaming, and damning are when you serve the negative under the pretext of the good.
• Whining, blaming, and damning are when you cover your service to the negative with the positive.
• Whining, blaming, and damning are the favorite strongholds of those with a victim mentality.
• Whining, blaming, and damning are the payoffs of codependents.
• Whining, blaming, and damning maintain the cycle of abuse.
• Whining, blaming, and damning are part of the drama game of abuse.
• Whining is abuse as whining promotes and incorporates damning.

The roles in the cycle of abuse are: judge, prosecutor, offender, victim, defender, jailer. Damning is what all the roles have in common.

That's all about dealing with whining, blaming and damning.