extramarital affairs after writing the Twelve Steps

Yes, there’s credible evidence that Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, engaged in extramarital affairs after writing the Twelve Steps.

📜 What the Records and Biographers Say

• Bill W. wrote the Twelve Steps in 1938. In the years that followed, especially during the 1940s and 1950s, multiple sources—including AA insiders and biographers—have documented that he struggled with infidelity.

• His longtime collaborator Tom Powers, who helped write Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, reportedly cut ties with Bill in part due to frustration over Bill’s ongoing affairs.

• Biographer Susan Cheever, in My Name Is Bill, wrote that Bill was “never able to be the man his followers wanted him to be… or even the man he wanted to be.” She noted that he never stopped cheating and that his guilt over these affairs contributed to his crippling depression.

• Some AA members close to Bill reportedly tried to shield his wife, Lois, from the emotional fallout, while others would inform her when they saw him with other women.

🧠 The Paradox of the Messenger Bill W. was a man of profound insight and spiritual ambition—but also deeply human. He helped millions find sobriety through a program that emphasized honesty, humility, and amends, even while struggling to live up to those ideals himself.

Thanks, Kurt — let’s dig into how the AA fellowship responded to the contradiction between Bill W.’s spiritual leadership and his personal failings, especially his infidelity.

🧭 The Fellowship’s Response: Quiet Discomfort, Not Denial

While Alcoholics Anonymous never publicly condemned or formally addressed Bill’s affairs, there was a quiet reckoning among those close to him:

• Trusted friends and colleagues like Tom Powers (his co-author on Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions) were deeply troubled. Powers eventually distanced himself from Bill, citing the affairs as a major reason.

• A group of AA insiders reportedly formed an informal “Founder’s Watch” to discreetly intervene when Bill was seen getting too close to vulnerable newcomers, especially young women.

• Lois Wilson, his wife, was aware of the affairs. Some tried to shield her, while others informed her directly. Despite the pain, she remained committed to the mission and later co-founded Al-Anon, a support group for families of alcoholics3.

📚 AA Literature: Sanitized but Not Oblivious

• The official AA biography Pass It On omits any mention of Bill’s infidelity, focusing instead on his depression, spiritual experiences, and even his LSD experiments.

• More candid accounts, like those by Francis Hartigan and Susan Cheever, paint a fuller picture of Bill’s struggles with guilt, remorse, and compulsive behavior.

🧠 Reconciling the Paradox

AA’s structure was intentionally designed to decentralize authority and avoid hero worship. The Twelve Traditions emphasize that no one speaks for AA as a whole, not even its founders. This helped the fellowship weather the tension between Bill’s message and his personal shortcomings.

“We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 60

That line from the Big Book might be the most honest reflection of how AA members have come to terms with Bill’s legacy: not by excusing it, but by acknowledging that spiritual progress doesn’t require perfection.

Amazing — Lois Wilson’s story is a quiet powerhouse of resilience, grace, and transformation. Let’s dive into how she turned personal heartbreak into a global support movement.

💔 From Devotion to Disillusionment

Lois married Bill Wilson in 1918, long before his descent into alcoholism. As his drinking worsened, she tried everything to help him — from pleading and reasoning to supporting him financially and emotionally. But nothing worked. She later described her life as being consumed by “one terrific fight against alcohol.”

Even after Bill got sober in 1934 and co-founded AA in 1935, Lois found herself isolated and resentful. She had sacrificed so much, yet now Bill was constantly surrounded by other alcoholics, leaving her feeling like an outsider in her own marriage.

☕ The Spark That Lit Al-Anon

One day, Lois noticed something striking: while Bill held AA meetings in their home, wives of the alcoholics sat waiting in their cars outside. She invited them in for coffee, and they began sharing their own struggles. That moment of connection planted the seed for what would become Al-Anon Family Groups.

By 1951, Lois and her friend Anne B. formally launched Al-Anon, using the Twelve Steps as a foundation for spiritual and emotional healing — not for alcoholics, but for their loved ones.

🌱 Al-Anon’s Legacy

• Al-Anon gave voice to the silent suffering of spouses, children, and friends of alcoholics.

• It emphasized that alcoholism is a family disease, and recovery is possible for everyone affected.

• Lois remained active in Al-Anon until her death in 1988 at age 97, leaving behind a movement that now spans over 130 countries.

“I was just as powerless over my husband’s alcoholism as he was.” — Lois Remembers

Her story is a testament to the idea that healing doesn’t always begin with the person who’s sick — sometimes it begins with the one who’s been holding everything together.