My full name is Maya Elizabeth Laesch, a beautiful mixture of ethnicity, identity, and language that I’m proud to sign on any line. My parents wanted their children’s names to showcase every aspect of their culture: Indian, American, and German ancestry. So, they landed on an Indian name of Maya and a popular American middle name of Elizabeth to join my given Germanic surname of Laesch. But my first name was always isolated and read alone. Who I was boiled down to the one culture I felt separated from. 

Living in the US, I felt lost when trying to understand how I should be part Indian. I misguidedly focused on what I needed to do to be Indian instead of understanding how who I already was related to that portion of my identity.  I’d often grapple for loose fragments of my Indian culture, in search of what was necessary to make sure I fit into the self-made box of being Indian. But I could never quite configure a structurally sound identity for myself in that way. I'd make efforts to be familiar with the food, places, and that aspect of my family history, as I believed that would make me Indian enough, but it never did. Most notably, I couldn’t even learn the language that my own name originated from. This consistent lack of cultural knowledge that should’ve represented part of me, made me feel as if I was an intruder in a house built specifically for me. I experienced a suffocating feeling of detachment from my Indian background. Rather than a beautiful representation of who I truly was, “Maya'' became a 4-letter facade that painted a picture of stability for something that constantly crumbled down. 

As I’ve grown older this feeling has dulled. I’ve realized the importance of considering all that my name has provided for me, rather than focusing on how I haven’t measured up to it. My name connects me to loved ones that instilled lifelong aspirations, admirable ways of living, and values that I would never take for granted. I now see my first name as a bridge between the culture that I’m distanced from, geographically and metaphorically, and the life I live. While my equally important middle name connects me to a culture I’m comfortably immersed in everyday. My identity as Maya was something that I falsely perceived as an “illusion” for much of my life. However, I now believe it does and has always represented the pure, unedited truth of who I am, with good and bad aspects, but nothing missing.

Works Cited

Hiemstra, Gabe. “Maya, Māya, Mayā, Māyā: 69 Definitions.” Wisdom Library. 11 Jan. 2024  

www.wisdomlib.org/definition/maya#hinduism. Accessed 17 Feb. 2024.

Laesch, Maya. Selfie of Maya. 11 Mar. 2024. Maya's personal collection.