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My Placeholder Name
My Placeholder Name
by Lydia Chen
My middle name is simply the letter P. Yes, you read that right. Only a letter. That left a lot of pressure on my first name to be able to define who I was. Unfortunately, I spent most of my life absolutely hating those five letters: Lydia.
On every homework assignment, I write the five-letter name “Lydia.” On my birth certificate, “Lydia” identifies who I am. My name is the name screamed across the Chen household when I do something wrong or am about to light the house on fire (by accident, of course). My name holds power. My parents thought so too. They were manifesting me to be a child of wealth and success. Yet, it has taken me all of my 18 years to finally appreciate all that my American name is.
My name is Lydia P Chen. My name is also 陈惠仪 (Chen Huiyi). In English, Lydia means prosperity and wealth (Lawler). In Asia, Lydia represented a vast span of land, known commonly for its legendary kings. In the Bible, Lydia means a wealthy woman of business. In Chinese, 惠 (Hui) means being of benefit or offering kindness. Yet, everytime I would respond to Lydia, I didn’t feel like a legendary kind or a woman of prosperous wealth and kindness. I felt like any other typical teenage girl, just simply living her life.
As for the origin of Lydia, my parents got lazy. When I asked them why I was named such, they said, and I quote, “because it sounds good and the dictionary recommended it.” In comparison to my hyper awesome middle name that stems from my mother’s name, Lydia already isn’t as cool. What I’ve come to soon realize is that while it may lack the narrative flair of my middle name, it has become a distinct part of my identity. Perhaps, there’s a beauty in being named for a name “sounding good.”
My struggle with loving my name was hard to pinpoint. For a split second, I thought maybe it was because I was still salty for being named Lydia over Lily in the first place. Ultimately, I realized it because I was still tackling my battle with having a dual Chinese-American identity. I didn’t know how to identify with being called Lydia, while still having 陈惠仪 as a constant reminder of my deep cultural roots I wish I could connect deeper with. Realizing I didn’t have to belong to one name, that having both names is what makes me me, is only part of the growth I’ve come to experience from my dual Chinese-American identity. There may be thousands of Lydia Chen’s in the universe, but there’s only one me. And I couldn't be more proud to be her.
Works Cited
Lawler, Emma. “Lydia.” Lydia - Baby Name Meaning, Origin and Popularity, www.thebump.com/b/lydia-baby-name. Accessed 2 Feb. 2024.
McKeon, Brynn. “Lydia - Baby Name Meaning, Origin, and Popularity.” Nameberry, nameberry.com/babyname/lydia. Accessed 2 Feb. 2024.
“惠仪 Meaning and Pronunciation.” ChineseNameTools, www.chinesenametools.com/meaning/result?first_name=%E6%83%A0%E4%BB%AA. Accessed 10 Feb. 2024.
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