“Picture Abhi Baaki Hai Mere Dost,” my uncle says. Of course, I turn my head as per usual—a reflex I can’t shake. It’s been 18 years, and I still jerk my head around every time I hear “Abhi” in a conversation. This time, like all the others, ends with me turning away once more in slight embarrassment. In Hindi, “Abhi” (“अभी”) means now, and I have the suspicion that I turn so often because I can’t think of Abhi representing anything but me. I think of myself as “now,” as spontaneous and in-the-moment. Ironically, the way I received my name was also very spontaneous. My parents had agreed on Akshay for my name; well, my mom strongarmed my dad into agreement. But, as my mom laid on the hospital bed passed out from her long, arduous hours of her labor, the doctors instead asked my dad for my name. And that sneaky guy put down Abhinav instead, the first step in my legacy of “now.” 

That’s another name I have: Abhinav. It means modern, or fresh (“अभिनव”). I’ve always seen a distinction there: I don’t consider myself “Abhinav” yet—what have I accomplished to be modern, unique from everyone else in human history? I am new, I am Abhi; but uniquity and modernity is a whole other checkpoint. Abhinav must be earned. 

As it turns out, I was given one more name. As my English class begins, I hear Mrs. Cooney traveling down the attendance list: “Dane … Hannah … Sophia. AH-beee.” Weirdly enough, I jerk my head around here too, though this time under a different name. Ah-bee has always been the pragmatic, realistic one. He knows that my immigrant parents pronounce Victor with a “W”, and thus is understanding when his name is called in class. He fits like a jigsaw perfectly with Western culture, he’s much easier on the tongue, and it seems like every educated person has decided that he’s the best one to represent me. Poor Abhi. 

But, Abhi has something AH-bee doesn’t: Culture. History. Abhi’s first mention resides within the Mahabharata—he is referred to as a renowned and noble warrior of the kingdom, one that is loyal and has brought prosperity to all through his determination (Krishnamacharya). To be “Abhih” (as used in earlier writing) is to be “fearless,” which early scholars connected to the idea of Vedantism (Avani). Such fearlessness was said to be a quality valued by Lord Shiva, with whom the name was greatly affiliated with.

But I’m no warrior. Perhaps Lord Shiva could be disappointed; but I trust he would understand my plight. I work to earn the names I was given; all three are dear to me and clasp a fragment of my being. My names are my legacy—if I can’t contribute to the identity of the next Abhi, I don’t deserve the honorable name.

Works Cited

Avani, V. (2022, May 21). Swami Vivekananda quotes: Abhih or Abhi or. “No fear.” VivekaVani. https://vivekavani.com/swami-vivekananda-

no-fear/ 

N.V.R. Krishnamacharya. (1983). The Mahabharata. Tirupati :Tirumala Tirupati Devasthanams

“अभी”. Collins Dictionary, 2014. Collins Dictionary, https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/hindi-english/अभी. Accessed 24 Oct. 2023.

“अभिनव”. Collins Dictionary, 2014. Collins Dictionary, https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/hindi-english/अभिनव. Accessed 24 

Oct. 2023