Matthew

I used to have two names: Matthew and Kevin. Twinhood left us inseparable, causing people around us to mix and match our names like interchangeable garments. I had gotten so comfortable being called by the name Kevin, spending all my time wearing the same clothes and playing the same sports. It left no room for "I," only "we." It wasn’t until college that I realized I had lost my own identity. This new chapter brought separation, and within the solitude I finally pulled away from this joint personality and began to find my own.

My name means “Gift of God.” (Anthony Hilder) It stems from the Hebrew name “Mattityahu” and a name with strong biblical origins. He was one of the twelve apostles, Jesus’ closest followers who were tasked with spreading his message after his death and resurrection. He was also the writer of the Gospel of Matthew. I don't know exactly why my parents named me Matthew - my parents never believed in christianity - but I still like to think they named me because I was just that: their gift from god. 

Throughout my life, I’ve met countless Matthews, and I get conflicted feelings every time. On one hand, we have something to bond over, contemplating over how we might shape the legacy of the name. On the other hand, I lose a sense of individuality again. While many cherish their names as markers of their unique selves, for me, it's a reminder of a blurred sense of individuality.  

Growing older, the nuances of my name have taken on deeper significance.  Drawing inspiration from the biblical Matthew and his sense of purpose, I've come to see that while names might be shared, the legacies they inspire can be uniquely ours. Just as Matthew chose to lead himself and many others thousands of years ago, I want to pave my own path, follow my own dreams rather than hide in the shadows of all those who came before me. With each day, I work towards shaping and understanding the essence of being "Matthew" on my terms. 

Work Cited

Anthony Hilder “The Role of an Apostle in Christianity: Understanding the Meaning," 21 July 2023, https://anthonyhilder.com/apostle-meaning/.