Public Accusation

Post date: May 25, 2011 7:57:00 AM

One of the ways I encourage my son to use the restroom is to make it a competition. For quite some time he has been obsessed with "winning." I'm not necessarily sure where he gets it from, either, as neither his mom nor I put any pressure to win upon him. So, embracing this aspect of my son's nature, I'll challenge him to a race to see who can go potty first. Kind of weird, maybe, but hey, it's works without fail! At any rate, it's a good way to get him to make use of a restroom when an opportune time arises. Perfect for when you're out in public.

During our recent trip to Disneyland, Kaz and I were racing to take care of our business at a urinal when some middle-aged guy nearby let out a loud burst of gas. It sounded like he was muffling a depth charge between his butt cheeks. Farting while you're peeing is not unusual for dudes, and often times you'll hear plenty of rockets being fired off in the men's restroom. General custom is to ignore it. Guys are gross and nobody makes an issue of it.

Cue my son's delightful innocence. The minute the man let loose with his flatulence my son exclaimed, "Ha! MAN!" He used the word "man" because he didn't know the guy's name. It was uttered as if he were jokingly scolding the fellow. Like, for instance, if the man's name was George, it would've been, "Ha! GEORGE!"

The man seemed a little unsure if Kaz was actually commenting on his fart. With brilliant comedic timing (that I assume was purely accidental), my boy then clarified his source of amusement should anyone be unclear. He pointed to the farter and proclaimed in way that everyone in the restroom could hear, "That man tooted!"

I was dying laughing. I could barely look at the culprit, who at this point had an angry look on his face and hurried the heck out of the bathroom. My eyes were tearing up from all the laughter. I swear everyone else in the men's room was in full approval of Kaz clowning that grown-up for his loud toot. All attention was on Kaz, who was enjoying being in the spotlight. I have a feeling that the gas-passer will think twice before he fires off another round in future!