Believing in Oneself

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, “Who would like this $20 bill?” Hands started going up.

He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.“ He proceeded to crumple the $20 bill up. He then asked, “Who still wants it?” Still the hands were up in the air. “Well”, he replied, “What if I do this?”

And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. “Now who still wants it?” Still the hands went into the air. “My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson,” he said, “No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.

We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless…and especially to those who love you.

The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or whom we know, but by WHO WE ARE.

This is a story about a guy named Sir Roger Bannister, a British athlete. He came from an ordinary working class family and wanted to study medicine but his parents couldn’t afford it. Life began to look bleak for him and he even considered joining the WW2 war efforts but then somewhere along the way, he discovered he had a talent for running. He enjoyed running, he was good at it so he kept doing it, working hard to train in the sport until his hard work paid off with him earning a track scholarship to University. He was a recognised runner and when he decided to join the 1952 Olympics, everyone thought he would win. Unfortunately, he didn’t win the Olympics due to a change in the scheduling which messed up his resting routine.

Disappointed by his failure to win at the 1952 Olympics, Bannister considered quitting running for good. However, in the end he decided to persevere and push through his own limits. Doctors and Scientists had determined that it was physically impossible for anyone to run a mile in less than an hour but Bannister decided he would do just that.

He trained every single day for half an hour. He had a rival who was also looking to beat the same timing but he remained focus and kept with his training.

The day came during a competition on 6 May 1954. In front of a crowd of 3000, Bannister ran against 5 other opponents. He ran with all his might and was exhausted on his last lap but he pushed on, driven by the years of determination and hard work. He crossed the finish line, collapsing in exhaustion, unsure if he had beat the odds. But he did! He finished his run at 3.59.4, officially becoming the first man to run a mile in under four minutes. Doing so despite what the doctors and scientists had said was impossible. He beat the odds with his determination and hard work.

More about the story here:
https://impossiblehq.com/impossible-case-study-sir-roger-bannister/ 

This story is about Diana Nyad, long distance swimmer. When she turned 60, she decided to attempt to swim from Havana to Cuba to Florida, a total of 177km. She tried to do this 4 times but had failed and she was determined to do it again.

This stretch of ocean that she wanted to cross was not going to be an easy one as it was home to rough waters, sharks and the poisonous box jellyfish – which she was her downfall during her 4th attempt where she got stung and had to stop her swim.

At 64 years old, Dian decided to make her 5th attempt, this time more prepared with a newly designed suit and mask to protect her from any jellyfish stings. She began her 5th attempt and swam. She swam for 53 hours through the night and in the day. She hallucinated and vomited and was delirious at some point. She had her team looking after her during her swim, keeping her safe and feeding her. On the 3rd day, while in a delirious state, shivering and even forgetting what she was doing, Diana looked up from her swim and in the distance and she saw lights. She thought that the sun was coming up and was delighted at the prospect of warmth but soon realized that the lights were actually the coast where she would be ending her swim! This realization spurred her on, she kept swimming and finally after 52 hours and 54 minutes, Diana arrived on shore, accomplishing her dream after 4 attempts and breaking a record.

"I've taken on those life lessons, that big break of just wanting the journey to be an elevated experience, no matter the success," she says. "Those people on the beach that day, they were crying. There were several thousand people. What they saw was a human being who had a dream and refused to give up on it. That's how simple the story is."

More about the story here:
https://www.npr.org/2015/05/31/410855681/from-cuba-to-florida-diana-nyads-final-attempt-at-a-record-breaking-swim

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master’s house, the cracked pot arrived half full.

For two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master’s house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologise to you.” “Why?” asked the bearer. “What are you ashamed of?” “I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my sides causes water to leak out all the way back to your master’s house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all this work and don’t get full value from your efforts,” the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, “As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice beautiful flowers along the path.” Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took noticed of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the pat, and this cheered it up a bit. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again apologised to the bearer for its failure. 

The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side?” That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I put it to good use. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and everyday while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them.

For two years, I have been able to pick these beautiful flower to decorate my master’s table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace this house.”

The moral of this story: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We’re all cracked pots. In this world, nothing goes to waste. You may think like the cracked pot that you are inefficient or useless in certain areas of your life, but somehow these flaws can turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Remember that nobody is perfect. 

“We don’t aim to be 100% better at one thing, but 1 % better at 100 things.”

A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully,
and before it blossomed, he examined it.
He saw the bud that would soon blossom and also the thorns.
And he thought, "How can any beautiful flower
come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns?"
Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose,
and before it was ready to bloom, it died.

So it is with many people.
Within every soul there is a rose.
The God-like qualities planted in us at birth
grow amid the thorns of our faults.
Many of us look at ourselves
and see only the thorns and the defects.
We despair, thinking that nothing good
can possibly come from us.
We neglect to water the good within us,
and eventually it dies.
We never realize our potential.
Some people do not see the rose within themselves;
someone else must show it to them.
One of the greatest gifts a person can possess
is to be able to reach past the thorns
and find the rose within others.

This is the characteristic of love,
to look at a person, and knowing his faults,
recognize the nobility in his soul,
and help him realize that he can
overcome his faults.
If we show him the rose,
he will conquer the thorns.
Then will he blossom, blooming forth thirty,
sixty, a hundred-fold as it is given to him.
Our duty in this world is to help others
by showing them their roses and
not their thorns.

Only then can we achieve the love
we should feel for each other;
only then can we bloom in our own garden.

There was once a stonecutter who was dissatisfied with himself and with his position in life. One day, he passed a wealthy merchant’s house and through the open gateway saw many dine possessions and important visitors. “How powerful that merchant must be!” thought the stonecutter. He became very envious, and wished that he could be like the merchant. Then he would no longer have to live the life of a mere stonecutter.

To his great surprise, he suddenly became the merchant. Enjoying more luxuries and power than he had ever dreamed of, envied and detested by those less wealthy than himself. But soon a high official passed by, carried in a sedan chair, accompanied by attendants and escorted by soldiers beating gongs. Everyone, no matter how wealthy, had to bow low before the procession. “How powerful that official is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be a high official!”

Then he became the high official, carried everywhere in his embroidered sedan chair, feared and hated by the people all around, who had to bow down before him as he passed. It was a hot summer day, and the official felt very uncomfortable in the sticky sedan chair. He looked up at the sun.  It shone proudly in the sky, unaffected by his presence. “How powerful the sun is!” he thought. I” wish that I could be the sun!”

Then he became the sun, shining fiercely down on everyone, scorching the fields, cursed by the farmers and labours. But a huge black cloud moved between him and the earth, so that his light could no longer shine on everything below. “How powerful that storm cloud is!” he thought. “ I wish that I could be a cloud!”

Then he became the cloud, flooding the fields and villages, shouted at everyone. But soon he found that he was being pushed away by some great force, and realised that it was the wind. “How powerful it is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be the wind!”

Then he became the wind, blowing tiles off the roofs of houses, uprooting trees, hated and feared by all below him. But after a while, he ran up against something that would not move, no matter how forcefully he blew against it – a huge, towering stone. “How powerful that stone is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be a Stone!”

Then he became the stone, more powerful than anything else on earth. But as he stood there, he heard the sound of a hammer pounding a chisel into the solid rock and felt himself being changed. “What could be more powerful than I, the stone?” he thought. He looked down and saw far below him the figure of a stonecutter.

- Benjamin Hoff

As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.

He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”

The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?

Failure is part of learning; we should never give up the struggle in life.

Acceptance means that you can find the serenity within
To let go of the past with its mistakes and regrets,
Move into the future with a new perspective,
And appreciate the opportunity to take a second chance.

Acceptance means that when difficult times come into your life,
You’ll find security again and comfort to relieve any pain.
You’ll find new dreams, fresh hopes, and forgiveness of the heart.

Acceptance does not mean that you will always be perfect.
It simply means that you’ll always overcome imperfection.

Acceptance is the road to peace – letting go of the worse,
Holding onto the best, and finding the hope inside
That continues throughout life.

Acceptance is the heart’s best defence,
Love’s greatest asset, and the easiest way
To keep believing in yourself and others

Regina Hill

The world would like to change you;
There are pressures all around,
You must decide just who you are,
Then firmly hold your ground.

You have an image of yourself,
An ideal sense of you;
And to this vision you must always
Struggle to be true.

You know what you are good at,
And you know where talents lie;
But if you're ruled by others,
Your uniqueness could pass by.

Remember, there is much to learn,
All new things aren't good,
Wisdom lies in what you've learned
And what you have withstood.

So be yourself and don't allow
The world to take control,
Preserving your identity
Is life's most precious goal.

Bruce B. Wilmer

Looking at the people around you, you probably think that you’re the only one who gets timid and unsure of yourself. But any time you feel your confidence shrivelling, you’re not alone. Everyone feels fear and self-doubt, probably more often than you know but because you’re not them, you don’t feel or see it. You only feel your own fear so keenly because you’re the one experiencing it.

In a world where so little is certain, one of the few things you can have an unshakeable faith in is yourself. It’s the one thing you can count on in unfamiliar social situations, when going for an interview, giving a presentation, meeting a date, asserting your rights, recovering after a setback, or simply for peace of mind. That’s why a healthy sense of self-esteem is so important.

Now the first step to reducing our self-doubt and increasing our self-confidence is to realise that most of our fears are irrational. Many of us still go around behaving as though we were frightened little kids on the first day of school, having to dodge the bully and conform to strict rules or risk being punished.

Perhaps it’s remnants of an oppressed childhood still haunting you, but understand that those days are gone. You’re your own person now, capable of deciding what you want to do and how you want to feel. You don’t have to try to “fit in” anymore, and you don’t need anyone’s approval. You are you, and no one should be able to tell you that that’s wrong or abnormal or not up to the standard.

In order to overcome your fears, identify just what they are, how logical they are, and how you can get rid of them. For example, before an intimidating event or situation, write down exactly what you’re uncomfortable about. Is it a reasonable fear? What consequences are likely to result from it? What’s the worst that can happen? How can you conquer this fear?

You’ll find that as you go along, most of these fears are inconsequential, or at least will not have any devastating, long-term effects. Even something like flunking a job interview doesn’t mean you won’t succeed at others. Most of the time, just being yourself is the way to go. Not having to pretend takes a lot of the pressure off and makes you more relaxed and natural. Just remember, you may think that being yourself is not good enough, but the truth is, people value honesty and sincerity above most other things. Very simply, people will appreciate you just for being you.

Written by Eugene Loh

Carry the sun inside you, and reach out for the dreams that guide you.
You have everything you need to take you where you want to go.
You have abilities and talents and attributes that belong to you alone, and you have what it takes to make your path of success….lead to happiness.

You’re a very special person.
You have qualities that get better every day!
You have the courage and strength to see things through.
You have smiles that will serve as your guides.
You have a light that will shine in you until the end of time…

You have known the truth of yesterday, and you have an inner map that will lead the way to a very beautiful tomorrow.
You have gifts that have never even been opened and personal journeys waiting to be explored.
You have so much going for you.
You are a special person, and you have a future that is in the best of hands
And you need to remember: if you have plans you want to act on and dreams you’ve always wanted to come true
You have what it takes, because
You have you.

‘You can give a fool a thousand intellects, but the only one he will wants is yours,’ says an Arabic proverb.

When we start planting the garden of our life, we glance to one side and notice our neighbour is there, spying. He himself is incapable of growing anything, but he likes to give advice on when to sow actions, when to fertilize thoughts and when to water achievements.

If we listen to what this neighbour is saying, we will end up working for him and the garden of our life will be our neighbour's idea. We will end up forgetting about the earth we cultivated with so much sweat and fertilized with so many blessings. We will forget that each centimeter of earth has its mysteries that only the patient hand of the gardener can decipher. We will no longer pay attention to the sun, the rain and the seasons; we will concentrate instead only on that head peering at us over the hedge.

The fool who loves giving advice on our garden never tends his own plants at all.

December 25, 1966    

(This article was originally published as a syndicated newspaper column, dedicated to my 9-year-old daughter.)

It’s Christmas and I have the usual problem of deciding what to give you. I know you might enjoy many things — books, games, clothes.

But I’m very selfish. I want to give you something that will stay with you for more than a few months or years. I want to give you a gift that might remind you of me every Christmas.

If I could give you just one thing, I’d want it to be a simple truth that took me many years to learn. If you learn it now, it may enrich your life in hundreds of ways. And it may prevent you from facing many problems that have hurt people who have never learned it.

The truth is simply this:

No one owes you anything.

Significance

How could such a simple statement be important? It may not seem so, but understanding it can bless your entire life.

No one owes you anything.

It means that no one else is living for you, my child. Because no one is you. Each person is living for himself; his own happiness is all he can ever personally feel.

When you realize that no one owes you happiness or anything else, you’ll be freed from expecting what isn’t likely to be.

It means no one has to love you. If someone loves you, it’s because there’s something special about you that gives him happiness. Find out what that something special is and try to make it stronger in you, so that you’ll be loved even more.

When people do things for you, it’s because they want to — because you, in some way, give them something meaningful that makes them want to please you, not because anyone owes you anything.

No one has to like you. If your friends want to be with you, it’s not out of duty. Find out what makes others happy so they’ll want to be near you.

No one has to respect you. Some people may even be unkind to you. But once you realize that people don’t have to be good to you, and may not be good to you, you’ll learn to avoid those who would harm you. For you don’t owe them anything either.

Living your Life

No one owes you anything.

You owe it to yourself to be the best person possible. Because if you are, others will want to be with you, want to provide you with the things you want in exchange for what you’re giving to them.

Some people will choose not to be with you for reasons that have nothing to do with you. When that happens, look elsewhere for the relationships you want. Don’t make someone else’s problem your problem.

Once you learn that you must earn the love and respect of others, you’ll never expect the impossible and you won’t be disappointed. Others don’t have to share their property with you, nor their feelings or thoughts.

If they do, it’s because you’ve earned these things. And you have every reason to be proud of the love you receive, your friends’ respect, the property you’ve earned. But don’t ever take them for granted. If you do, you could lose them. They’re not yours by right; you must always earn them.

My Experience

A great burden was lifted from my shoulders the day I realized that no one owes me anything. For so long as I’d thought there were things I was entitled to, I’d been wearing myself out — physically and emotionally — trying to collect them.

No one owes me moral conduct, respect, friendship, love, courtesy, or intelligence. And once I recognized that, all my relationships became far more satisfying. I’ve focused on being with people who want to do the things I want them to do.

That understanding has served me well with friends, business associates, lovers, sales prospects, and strangers. It constantly reminds me that I can get what I want only if I can enter the other person’s world. I must try to understand how he thinks, what he believes to be important, what he wants. Only then can I appeal to someone in ways that will bring me what I want.

And only then can I tell whether I really want to be involved with someone. And I can save the important relationships for those with whom I have the most in common.

It’s not easy to sum up in a few words what has taken me years to learn. But maybe if you re-read this gift each Christmas, the meaning will become a little clearer every year.

I hope so, for I want more than anything else for you to understand this simple truth that can set you free: no one owes you anything.

A man found an eagle’s egg and placed it under a brooding hen. The eaglet hatched with the chickens and grew to be like them. He clucked and cackled; scratching the earth for worms; flapped his wings and managed to fly a few feet in the air.

Years passed. One day, the eagle, now grown old, saw a magnificent bird above him in the sky. It glided in graceful majesty against the powerful wind, with scarcely a movement of its golden wings.

Spellbound, the eagle asked, “who’s that?”

“That’s the king of the birds, the eagle,” said his neighbour. “He belongs to the sky. We belong to earth – we are chickens.”

So the eagle lived and died a chicken for that’s what he thought he was.