EPISODE 5 'PRISSY HAT AND THE CATALOGUE SCAM'
AUDIO CLICK HERE https://www.mixcloud.com/LargeAcresTriangle/large-acres-triangle-episode-5/
IT BEGINS WITH EERIE NOISES AND THUNDER
Maureen -- 'Ooh, Ernie, do you hear all that? and it's not even bonfire night yet!'
Ernie -- 'I certainly do, but it's to be expected around the Acres old girl, Wicked Witch Annie is doing her rounds of the area.'
Maureen -- 'And what is she looking for?'
Ernie -- 'Well, apart from low flying in a no go zone, she's out looking for her darling boys, not that any of them are hers of course, she has her attention on just one, her favourite!'
Maureen -- 'So it's broomsticks and a touch of Hansel and Gretel with the Harry Potter thing thrown in.'
Ernie -- 'Right on the button, Maureen, you couldn't have put it better.'
Maureen -- 'Ooh, Ernie, there's something not right there, and I shudder to think what it might be, especially these days.'
Ernie -- 'Well, I could tell you old girl, and it's something to do with a five pound note meant not to be seen going to someone? but I will leave that to another day.'
Maureen -- 'Alright, Ernie, I'll not push you on that, so what have we got going today?'
Ernie -- 'The Prissy Hat case, and it's a rum do considering she always comes out smelling like roses with the folks she continually deceives..... she's quite a player in the community, a tart for all tastes!'
Maureen -- 'Oh yes, her, I've heard about her and the scrap books she trundles out when anyone new visits, it reminds one of the people who bore everyone with their home made holiday movies and photos.'
Ernie -- 'Yes, the ones of tart junior, the belle of the ball. She tries to make you think she's an exceptional talent, but she's not.'..... far from it.'
Maureen -- 'Ooh I know, I hear someone said that Hellsey had no talent, and after going to one of those Sue Graveyard shows with the school kids init, I concur.'
Ernie -- 'And so you should, Maureen, this place is the Dead Zone, and the kids are all automated to money and smart phones.'
Maureen -- 'Yes, you're so right. I was on a bus coming back to Hellsey in the afternoon, and the kids sat there while an old age pensioner had to stand all the way, they just weren't bothered. It made me livid, what a bunch of rotten kids.'
Ernie -- 'Well, that's the fault of the parents, and the parents in Hellsey are like their kids, selfish and greedy.'
Maureen -- 'Yes, you're so right, Hellsey is going right down the pan and nobody gives a toss as they say.'
Ernie -- 'Well, Maureen, it's time you heard about the case of Prissy Hat the local tart and the Catalogue Scam, you'll not be disappointed. She carried it off quite well, and only her close friends knew, because she reluctantly needed them to pull the caper off.'
Maureen -- 'Ooh yes, I'm game, but can I just get a cup of tea before you go into all the details, Ernie?'
Ernie -- 'By all means, Maureen, you just pour yourself a brew, and I will start when you're good and ready.'
SOUND OF TEA THINGS AND CROCKERY
Maureen -- 'I think I'm ready now, Ernie, tell me everything and don't leave anything out, you know what I'm like for details, I've got that way since working with you on these investigations.'
Ernie -- 'Well, the scam started very small and rather accidentally by all accounts, but Prissy Hat was savvy enough to see that a better profit could be gained, because she saw it as the firm's fault for leaving a gaping hole in the delivery system and refunds.'
Maureen -- 'Oh yes, I see, she was buying things from one of those buy from the catalogue companies.'
Ernie -- 'Yes, one of those larger catalogue companies where you get certain benefits if you can interest others and start a club as a sort of agent. And she was quite skilled with visiting people around the Hellsey area, so she immediately took on the club idea.'
Maureen -- 'I used to know someone who ran one of those, and she got into a lot of debt over it.'
Ernie -- 'Well, being a tart and pompous, she never ran into debt, but when a parcel never arrived, she had to fill out the forms for a refund and after a while they credited her for the missing item and order without any fuss. And that's when she got the idea to scam them and start earning a bit of spare cash.'
Maureen -- 'Ooh, that's deceitful and dishonest, what a way to get money, I'd be ashamed if that was me.'
Ernie -- 'Well there's no shame with Prissy Hat, she can tell a lie with the best of them, and I've actually heard her doing it.'
Maureen -- 'So what happened next? Ernie.'
Ernie -- 'Having got her refund she knew it would look strange if it was her each time, so she started the club, mostly with her like-minded friends, and all went well until the urge to get the scam going overpowered her too much. And having gained a decent footing with the company as an agent, she began the second phase of the scam by having one customer client report that she hadn't received her goods.'
Maureen -- 'Oh what a cow, Ernie, she's got no scruples whatsoever, I really don't like that kind of woman, no.'
Ernie -- 'Sadly it worked and they paid out another refund on quite an expensive item; Prissy Hat doesn't like to do anything small she's got expensive tastes and likes everyone to see it.'
Maureen -- 'I had noticed that, Ernie, she's one of the biggest show-offs in Large Acres, second to the Fatman, and frequently flaunts it.'
Ernie -- 'The second payout refund upped their game so-to-speak and Prissy had greed on her mind so she involved a second customer who in turn used someone else..... they needed a 'drop house' and a cover. Of course, it needed the parcel to be left around the back of the property or in a shed to work. She told them no-one was to accept a delivery or sign for it, in other words hide, and then the van men wouldn't hang around, so it worked well.'
Maureen -- 'My oh my, what cunning, and she being a pillar of the community or so she thinks, who'd ever guess that she was working a scam!'
Ernie -- 'Precisely, Prissy Hat was now onto a good thing, and limited the gang to five so that the money would be good. She would time and plan each disappearing order insisting to the company that she herself would look into the matter? and for a time the catalogue company fell for it.'
Maureen -- 'What a cunning Jessie, involving others so she could make money illegally.'
Ernie -- 'Of course, some people know when to stop, especially after netting a considerable amount of cash, but not Prissy Hat. The pot wasn't big enough and the game was very alluring, and she had no idea that the end was in sight.'
Maureen -- 'Oh yes, I'm glad of that, Ernie, it's time she had her comeuppance, I hope they nabbed her good.'
Ernie -- 'Well not quite sad to say, I'm not finished yet and you said all of it, Maureen.'
Maureen -- 'Yes I did, sorry, do go on Ernie, I won't disturb you again.'
Ernie -- 'Prissy Hat got too greedy, especially when the company appeared to 'forgive her' as she thought, but she'd got it wrong and made the decision to play one last card for a multiple claim involving several items, and after the allowed time, she submitted a claim for the refunds. But this was the beginning of the end, and the catalogue company 'froze her claim' so that they could investigate all the missing items. That shocked Prissy Hat, who immediately had a meeting with her cohorts in crime. Of course, in the case of Prissy Hat she considered this to be a minor glitch and had it in mind to continue as soon as it had all blown over.'
Maureen -- 'What a cheek, the brazen hussy, thinking she could just go on as if none of it mattered.'
Ernie --'Yes, that was how she saw her scam, but the company was now highly suspicious, not only of her, but her friends in the club too....especially as investigations revealed 'coaching of statements'... and because of that they issued a termination of the club and cancelled her catalogue status as agent, and that was an end to it.'
Maureen -- 'And did they go after her for all these fraudulent claims?'
Ernie -- 'Sadly.... No, insufficient evidence and all that. They obviously had suspicions but decided to cut their losses and call an end to it in a way they saw suitable in the circumstances.'
Maureen -- 'Too right, but it makes my blood boil to think she got away with it... her and her low-life friends, what next?'
Ernie -- 'Indeed, what next... probably more if we dig below the surface. The Large Acres Triangle think they're above the law and are a law unto themselves and can't be touched.'
Maureen -- 'I hear they're considering including Hellsey in that book you showed me, CRAP TOWNS by Johnson and Kieron.
Ernie -- 'Well, I'm not sure town is applicable really, but I do think Hellsey should be in there, I'm quite surprised they took so long and missed it. Most of the people in Hellsey are the 'fair weather' friend variety. It only suits them if they can get something, otherwise they're stabbing you in the back at the first opportunity.'
Maureen -- 'Yes, Ernie, I know what you mean, it's all too common in this area.'
Ernie -- 'As far as I know, this is one of the worst places I've encountered, and I urge anyone thinking of buying a place here to think again before doing it.'
Maureen -- 'Well, I've go to go soon, Ernie, so what have we got next?'
Ernie -- 'We've got the Bakersman Affair, quite an eye opener, it's in the open file drawer and waiting to be revealed.'
Maureen -- 'Ooh, that sounds good. Anyway before I go do you want to hear a joke I came acroos last week/'
Ernie -- 'Yep, I could do with one right now.'
Maureen -- 'What's the difference between a Christmas Pudding and Fatman Captain Nelson?'
Ernie -- 'I could guess, but you tell me, Maureen.'
Maureen -- 'One is fruity and tasty, and Fatman Nelson is sour and pastey.'
Ernie -- 'Nice one, Maureen, the perfect finish, I like that.'
Maureen -- 'Well, that's it, Ernie, I'll be off now, so give me a call if there's anything you need doing.'
Ernie -- 'I certainly will if necessary, Bye old girl, and take care you don'r run into Witch Annie.'
Maureen -- 'Oh yes, the wicked Witch, she's always flying around somewhere. She's got a bitter tongue by all accounts... waiting to pounce out and be thoroughly nasty too.'
Ernie -- 'Yes, and you don't need that on your way home, she'll probably know you work with me.... and of course she might just cast one of her spells on you.'
Maureen -- 'Ooh I don't want that, Ernie, I haven't got one of those cross thingamajig's on me or any of that holy water, or is that just for vampires and ghouls?'
Ernie -- 'Hopefully for Wich Annie too, but since you ain't packing, you'd better mount your steed and head off to the corral '
Maureen -- 'Yes, you are a card, Ernie, I'm going now before she can set the dogs on me, Bye Ernie.'
THE HOUNDS OF HELL GROWL AS THE WIND HOWLS
Ernie -- 'Bye old girl, and keep your eyes peeled, this lot are out to stop us, and they will try anything and everything.'
THE WIND HOWLS AS WE FADE TO END.