TARTS AND TRICKSTERS
Introduction into episode............Maureen arrives as the door bangs
Ernie....'Not a minute over or under, Maureen, it's good to see you as always'
Maureen...... 'You too, Ernie, I look forward to our meetings as you know, and the case files of course, so what's new?
Ernie......''Oh, there's always something happening in Hellsey and as usual, no one takes a blind bit of notice, often by choice too!'
Maureen.... 'Yes, I'm aware of that, Ernie, Hellsey adapts itself well to secrecy, greed and much much more. So I'm not surprised to find we're still rooting out more evidence of corruption in this area.'
Ernie...... It's the masquerade of middle class and rich aspirations that lie behind the lies, scandal and village life here, and it's been going on for years, Maureen.'
Maureen.......'So I've come to realise, Ernie, especially since we've been doing the investigations.'
Ernie...... 'We've got quite a bit to get through today, and that's besides our main villains, Prissy Hat and Wicked Witch Annie. So we'd better look into those first.'
Maureen.... 'Sounds good to me, Ernie, So what are we dealing with first then?'
Ernie........ 'Well, no surprises here, Maureen, it's the notorious Fatman Captain Nelson, and it's quite a tale, and it's absolutely true.'
Maureen..... 'Oh my, just let me go and get a cup of tea, and then start as soon as you're ready.'
Ernie..... 'Okay, Maureen, considering our previous case of the booze smuggling thing the Captain was involved in, this should not come has a great surprise because it features booze and driving this time and the Fatman's arrogance, which doesn't come has a surprise really!'
Maureen..... 'No, Ernie, that part doesn't, especially the drinking, and I'm sure this will only amplify it greater'
Ernie......'Indeed it does, Maureen, and what started out as a simple matter of bringing some worthy villain to justice didn't exactly do that, and something quite unexpected began to surface. And that part is hard to digest or accept, but as this is Hellsey, it shouldn't surprise. The Triangle has allies in the district and trusting them is folly, which I now see.'
Maureen.....'I've always thought that myself, Ernie, especially with the kind of investigations we do. These people don't like it!'
Ernie.......'They don't like the truth coming out, and as it happens, this is what we're doing here, Maureen, the truth on Nelson needed to be revealed.'
Maureen.....'I'm all for that, Ernie, do go on.'
Ernie..... 'Well, information received, and we'll call it that for now, revealed that the Fatman was a heavy drinker, a drinker who drove home after consuming more than five pints in an evening almost every day of the week.'
Maureen...... 'Ooh, I never knew that, but we did hear about him and that football club before, quite expensive too eh?'
Ernie.... 'Yes, Maureen, well over 150 pounds a week by all accounts, and for a family man that's amazing, but let's get back.'
Maureen..... 'Oh yes, please do Ernie.'
Ernie..... 'It's quite obvious Maureen, that he must be well over the drink drive limit every time he comes out of the Hellsey club, drives home, and nobody ever nicks him for it?'
Maureen... 'I recently heard that he works for himself, which is quite a turn up for the books, but nobody seems to know what that is exactly'
Ernie... 'From what I can see, he's a white van man...and not much else.....and it doesn't do much anyway!'
Maureen... 'That's awful, Ernie, he could knock someone down, and that's not right at all'
Ernie... 'Yes, that's the point, he arrogantly continues with this behaviour with no-one doing anything about it, and this has gone on for a very long time, Maureen.!'
Maureen..... Didn't you once tell me you saw him almost fall over and leave all the lights on in his car after coming back from one of those drinking sessions?'
Ernie..... Well remembered old girl, yes, and one of his family came out shortly after and turned them off, covering his back so-to-speak....true friends eh? or partners in crime.'
Maureen..... Something like that, he's certainly safe in the Triangle, they're not going to give him away no matter what he does.'
Ernie..... That's their policy, Maureen, that's how a clique operates.... a sort of opposite musketeers, but not for the good.'
Maureen.... Very apt, Ernie, so what's next on this?'
Ernie..... Ah yes, the drink-drive thing, well something had to be done to stop him, and that first move looks entirely misplaced sadly.'
Maureen......'And why is that, Ernie, what happened?'
Ernie..... 'The warden happened, Maureen, he was told the whole story, especially as Hellsey had been supporting an anti-drink drive campaign which said if you see or know someone, report it, and he advised that the local plod should be contacted.'
Maureen...... Sounds alright, so did that happen, Ernie?'
Ernie..... It did, but seeing as there's no visible police presence in Hellsey, it all had to be done on the Inter web by e-mail, and it seemed worth it at the time, but what follows doesn't bode well for Law and Order.'
Maureen..... Ooh, I'm surprised at that, Ernie, you'd think they'd want to get the Captain off the road, and pretty damn quick!'
Ernie....... That's what I thought, they had all the details, the vehicles, name of the club, and the approximate times he would be there. It was a doddle really, nicking him was easy because he's a alcoholic, habitual drinker with a routine he follows daily. THey could have got him quick.'
Maureen.... 'But they didn't eh Ernie, that's what you're going to tell me. I'm beginning to fear the worst here, so I am'
Ernie.....'Yes, you've got it. The traffic division were handed the case. They went round to look, and that was it. The fatman was still driving back from the club weeks after the report and still drinking his usual amount, around five pints, so what does that say to you, Maureen?'
Maureen..... 'So much for the prevention of crime, eh Ernie, But I'm guessing there's more to come, so let's hear it, Ernie.'
Ernie....... 'Absolutely bang on the nail, Maureen. Things get strange from this point. Suddenly, and completely out of character, the fatman Nelson stopped going to the club regularly, and when he did, he was only drinking around two pints, and walking home! which went on for more than a week. He also moved his van to a new place, so I reckon he'd been warned about things so it was suggested. It was only the plod and the warden knew of this, and the warden fills the frame!'
Maureen.... 'My oh my, I can see what you mean by strange, Ernie, it looks like a bit of that Hellsey curse is at work here.'
Ernie.... Somethings not right here, Maureen, maybe it's time to go public and waft this over the Inter-Web and let others know.'