'THE DECEIVERS EXCEL'
Ernie. 'Hello. Maureen, I heard you arrive, the kettle has only just boiled so get yourself a mug or cup.'
Maureen. 'I didn't want to make too much noise when you're working on something, Ernie, so go on and don't mind me.'
Ernie. 'You're no bother at all old girl, I was just amusing myself at the fact that Witch Annie is connected to today's case, she tends to be quite a player in the Large Acres Triangle mob.'
Maureen. 'Oh, that doesn't surprise me, Ernie. If you ask me, she goes looking for trouble and often starts it.'
Ernie. 'Can't fault you there, the Witch is one hell of a troublemaker, it's the only thing she's good at these days.'
Maureen. 'Yes, that and the other thing we both know about, luckily, that is being looked at by others more qualified to deal with something so awful.'
Ernie. 'Indeed it is, and if you've heard more on that we'll come back to it later after we go through this month's incidents and findings I've got here.'
Maureen. 'It's hard not to mention her, Ernie, she's a bit of a stirrer, conniving too. I don't know anybody who likes her.'
Ernie. 'Mmm, funny you should say that, even her dog runs away from her when it gets the chance. They say animals are quite good at knowing who to avoid.'
Maureen. 'Anyway, I'm settled now, so what's on today's menu, as if I couldn't guess.'
Ernie. 'Ah yes, but its just a connection for now. Witch Annie will always be somewhere in the picture. The file gets bigger everyday on her, its more about the Do-Gooders this month. They're beginning to ascert themselves this month and its not a pleasant aspect.'
Maureen. 'Oh my, who would have thought that, the luvvies of the Hellsey social conscience being involved in our case, I think I'm going to like this a lot!'
Ernie. 'Well, it's a bit of a strange one, and it raises more questions than it answers, so sit tight and listen to what I've got for you, you're going to be quite surprised at what's been going on.'
Maureen. 'I'm ready, Ernie, gosh, it sounds very exciting, even mysterious.'
Ernie. 'Picture this, its the 15th, no 16th of the month around 1 am in the Triangle and all is not right. Two teenage boys are wandering and lurking around, trying to avoid detection just before the automatic public lighting system goes off. They obviously don't have to worry about the police. because they're not around in Hellsey since the cutbacks, and what's more, they are locals. I've got no doubt on that, you could tell by their casual manner.'
Maureen. 'Oh my, Ernie, what were they up to?'
Ernie. 'Presumably a break-in, stealing, or even to commit damage. Fatman Captain Nelson's car was all lit up inside, so they'd obviously tried to force entry at some stage and set off the alarm system. Mind you, no one noticed or even came out to see if something was untoward, and that's one of the odd features of this strange event.'
Maureen. 'Could you tell what age they were, Ernie.'
Ernie. 'Around 16 to 18 I'd guess or a year younger for either of them I'd guess, the light wasn't all that good and they rarely turned into it in that short time I observed them as I was just about to leave the newcomers.'
Maureen. 'So what happened next, Ernie, did they see you at any stage?'
Ernie. 'Well, I'm not so sure exactly, I did just observe and they passed just in front of me, and it was only when I approached them did they suddenly take off and ran at speed towards the Do-Gooders place, and then everything went into darkness with just the Fatman's car flashing for a little while longer.'
Maureen. 'They didn't get to the newcomers place then?'
Ernie. 'No, but they might have been in the Triangle to do them, and I'll get back to that later. They did set off the Poser Prince's lights which might have affected their plan.'
Maureen. 'What makes you say that, Ernie?'
Ernie. 'Well, that's the other mystery, they were on course for Witch Annie's place, but as I say, they were spooked by me and they both ran off to where the brood live, and I presumed at the time they'd gone around the corner and out of the Acres, but I could be wrong there.'
Maureen. 'Yes, I suppose you would at the time, well I would anyway, it's a reasonable conclusion.'
Ernie. 'For me it was, and that didn't change until some time later, in fact, around two hours later. And that's when things began to add up to something more than just the scene I'd stumbled into.'
Maureen. 'Oh yes, Ernie, you've got something bigger on the way I can see it in your face, don't keep me waiting.'
Ernie. 'Well, you won't believe it, suddenly at around 3-15 am one of the Do-Gooders boys, the brood, crept out of the house and headed off in the direction of the intruders who I'd seen not long before, so what does that say to you, Maureen?'
Maureen. 'I say, Ernie, that's odd and somehow beyond coincidental, and it looks as if he just might be one of the two intruder teens. After all, he could have easily disappeared into the house without you seeing while his pal took off into the darkness.'
Ernie. 'Yes, exactly what I thought, and I got thinking about the target of this night intrusion. If it was to be the newcomers, which one in the Large Acres Triangle put them up to it?'
Maureen. 'I can only think of one right now, and that would be the queen of the brood, Wicked Witch Annie, she's the only real suspect I would go for.'
Ernie. 'Me too, and there's more to come yet. The mystery deepens despite what I've told you so far, and remember, the D0-Gooders house was silent and in darkness from around midnight, and the lights in the entry hall came on at 3 am, and that's when the fully dressed teen emerged, and what's more he had the right build too.'
Maureen. 'Wow, I can now see why you say this lot are emerging into the deceit and intrigue of the Large Acres Triangle, Ernie.'
Ernie. 'They certainly are old girl, so let us move onto another early morning activity, yes, Maureen, at the same house. It's the 24th and 3 am again, and all is quiet in the Triangle until a garage door sounds and it's the Do-Gooders place, it's one of the brood teens, a teen with a torch. Things at this stage are not clear, Maureen, the boys appear to be up to something, and I think there was at least another, but there ends the mystery, after 10 minutes it all fell silent. So what was actually going on at that time?'
Maureen. 'What strange behaviour, Ernie, what on earth were they up to, especially at 3 am in the morning.'
Ernie. 'You tell me old girl, it can't be good, what would teenagers being up to at that time other than something they didn't want anybody else to see.'
Maureen. 'My oh my, this is something really new, but there again, it is local knowledge that one or two of the boys were in trouble with the police some years back, and they were monitored with visits which didn't really fuss them at all.'
Ernie. 'That doesn't really surprise me, Maureen, it only goes to beef up what we're thinking of this mystery case in the Triangle, and who might be at the bottom of it.'
Maureen. 'Well, you're right, Ernie, we must consider the Do-Gooders as contenders now, not passive by-standers, the Witch Annie thing is a possibility too. She's got the influence over the brood, probably a little bit more than I first thought.'
Ernie. 'I'd like to say that ends the mystery of the late night boys on the loose, but it doesn't quite finish there. On the 2nd or 1st another shadowy figure of a youth was seen at around 1-35am running in the partial darkness of the Acres, and there's no public transport around at that time in Hellsey. It finished hours earlier, and whatsmore! the Do-Gooders lights were on too?'
Maureen. 'We've got our hands full, Ernie, there's clearly something afoot in the midnight hours in the Acres, and it could well be Triangle business.'
Ernie. 'Ah yes, you're alluding to the Fatman Captain Nelson now and a spot of late night dealing.'
Maureen. 'Of course, Ernie, we mustn't forget that the obese Captain is one of those white van men, rude, arrogant, and generally dodgy. As you said, there's no logo or trade name on his van at all, he could be running several scams. We must watch him more closely, its about time he was caught!'
Ernie. 'It's not that easy, Maureen, and more's the pity. The man has flame proof shorts, not that you'd guess as he looks a right prat at the best of times. The people of Hellsey cover for him, and not just the Triangle regulars in the Acres. The Fatman Nelson plays a dirty game and deals from the bottom of the pack, that's the kind of guy he is, a first class shyster.'
Maureen. 'Too true, and what about the others?'
Ernie. 'Oh the others, I thought you might be doing one of your jokes on the Fatman Nelson at this stage.'
Maureen. 'Well, I will soon, Ernie, but after you've told me about the others in the Triangle.'
Ernie. 'Okay, we'll start with Prissy Hat, she's still hiding behind the blinds pretending not to be in, especially when the newcomers come out. She's not having a great time these days, particularly since they changed things at the front of their property. The Palace is on suspension and looking somewhat smaller these days.'
Maureen. 'Yes, I'd seen that, and they deserve all they get for the trouble they've caused.'
Ernie. 'Poser Prince still tries to push his luck and park as close as he can to their drop-curb, but that might land him in trouble soon.'
Maureen. 'Oh and why is that, Ernie, what might happen on that situation?'
Ernie. 'We're talking small cameras here, and a few shots of his car being sent to the council in the big house, the highways and Environment Department shortly after he parks his car in front of the drop curb, and it could land him with a sizeable fine. The Highway regulations DG.069860 section 243 says it's an offence to stop or park in front of an entrance to a property, its obstruction.'
Maureen. 'My my, that's a good idea, the Triangle might have to think again before they take liberties at someone else's expense.'
Ernie. 'Yes, there's only so far they can push someone before the situation turns on them, and the newcomers won't be pushed around by the likes of them!'
Maureen. 'Is it time for the joke now, Ernie?'
Ernie. 'Absolutely, we're nearly at the end, so this is the perfect time for it, Maureen.'
Maureen. 'What swaggers and walks around like a plump ape on dope?'
Ernie. 'Fatman Nelson I guess, he reminds me of how a duck walks!'
Maureen. 'Close, Ernie, an ape would be more human and easier to get on with than the Captain.'
Ernie. 'A bit different, but I liked it, Maureen.'
Maureen. 'I do my best, Ernie, and I'll work on another for next month. So how's things with that wannabe Bill Wyman in the Triangle, you know, the one who thinks he's famous.'
Ernie. 'Oh yes, The Rolling Stoned, or Out of Tones I mean. The guy who thinks he's more than a rank amateur. Sadly they're still going, and led by that John guy who was related to that big noise ex-journalist. And besides that in true Triangle fashion, the mother's made from the same arrogant stock, and it's not surprising really.'
Maureen. 'So not much really, I shouldn't have got you going there, but I enjoyed it.'
Ernie. 'Yes you do, I often wonder if this Wyman imitator pays tax on those earnings which are probably undeclared, because I doubt any of them are paying royalties to the Stones.'
Maureen. 'Good question, Ernie, but they're all users and I don't think they even consider it.'
Ernie. 'A little bit like something else at the Witch house, but I'll leave that for another time old girl. I can see that you're getting ready to go, so I don't want to hold you back.'
Maureen. 'Ooh Ernie, you can read me like a book, it is time I was going, but I won't be gone for long.'
Ernie. 'Too right, you'd miss all the intrigue, and hopefully me of course.'
Maureen. 'Oh I would, Ernie, its given me so much to do these days, I don't know what I'd do without it.'
Ernie. 'It's called having a purpose, Maureen, and right now you should be on your way, so leave the tea things and I'll attend to them later.'
Maureen. 'Okay, Ernie, bye bye.'
Ernie. 'Bye!'
THE END