Script 2 Episode 2

EPISODE 2 'THE VAT SWINDLE'

AUDIO CLICK HERE https://www.mixcloud.com/LargeAcresTriangle/large-acres-triangle-episode-2/

ERNIE IS READING THE NEWSPAPER - WAITING FOR MAUREEN:

Ernie -- 'My, my, what on Earth's happening to Hellsey? Woman mugged in High Street - still in shock after assailant calmly walks away whistling 'look on the bright side of life' after snatching the woman's bag. 'Nobody came to help me' says the victim, 'They just walked off the other way, it was devastating, I thought I lived in a community that cared.' The police later admitted they had very little presence in Hellsey due to manpower cuts, and were not prepared to say more. Newshounds, the dynamic duo, Melamina and Tracino said 'This isn't the first one, Hellsey doesn't like to scare the tourists away, so they deliberately downplay anything like this. A woman was badly attacked and cut, to almost life-threatening injuries, but hardly anyone knew about it said Melamina. Tracino went on to add that the mystery arrest in Large Acres when cops staked out a bungalow and grabbed the old guy at 18, all went quiet in the Large Acres Triangle, and nothing more was known.

Maureen -- 'I reckon that had something to do with those VAT fraud Investigators.'

Ernie --' Oh Maureen, I didn't hear you come in girl, you're getting more like a catwoman everyday, but I'm glad you're here anyway, and what's this about Investigators?'

Maureen -- 'It was just something I heard about builders being on the fiddle, and a shay character working in Large Acres.'

Ernie -- 'Is that it?'

Maureen -- 'Ooh no, Ernie, just give me time to settle in, there's more.'

Ernie -- 'In your own time, in your own time.'

Maureen -- 'It's said this guy, a builder who went around with no trade name on his van was supplying dodgy stuff, the knocked off stuff as they say.'

Ernie-- 'Was it a white van? Maureen.'

Maureen -- 'Yes it was as it happens.'

Ernie -- 'I knew it, I just knew there would be a white van in this somewhere.'

Maureen -- 'Well, he's not the only one with a white van in Large Acres, Fatman Captain Nelson has one too, and there's no name thing on his either!'

Ernie -- 'Now there's a slimeball, fond of the drink too, I wouldn't put it past him to be on some VAT fiddle. Go on, Maureen I'm listening.'

Maureen -- 'This builder had been doing loads of stuff for weeks on end supplying everything for the big build, then, after the arrest of the old guy, nothing was seen of this builder, he didn't send invoices or give proper receipts. It was all that 'For cash I can do the job cheaper' lark, something they warn you about on that Watchdog and the Rogue Traders thing.'

Ernie -- 'And what happened next?'

Maureen -- 'Apparently, a black 4x4 undercover police vehicle parked up near you and they kept observation until two police cars arrived an hour or so later, it was quite a do by all accounts. The bobbies were coming out of the bungalow with stuff, probably evidence, and then they brought out the old guy from 18 in handcuffs and bundled him into a police car, much to the annoyance of a Large Acres faction that had adopted him as a sort of grandfather figure.'

Ernie -- 'And what happened next? Maureen.'

Maureen -- 'Don't rush me, Ernie, I'm just about to get myself a tea.... providing there's one left.'

Ernie -- 'There's always one for you old girl, so when you're settled in tell me more, I'm all ears.'

SOUNDS OF TEA THINGS AND CROCKERY

Maureen -- 'Well, as soon as they all drove off and out of Large Acres, Captain Nelson was greatly relieved, but you wouldn't think so by the way he was opening his van and packing it with things. And ten minutes later he mysteriously drove off, and half an hour later returned with an empty van? I reckon he'd been taking some dodgy stuff to store somewhere else.'

Ernie -- 'What makes you think that?'

Maureen -- 'I heard that the VAT men had been sniffing around in this area, it is sniffing around isn't it, Ernie? I did get that right didn't I?'

Ernie -- 'It certainly is, but don't let that get in the way.'

Maureen -- 'Well, his actions didn't look that innocent did they? he was clearly alarmed to find those bobbies so close, and even afterwards Poser Prince Will Hyams and the Bakersman went over to see him, pretending to be casual and neighbourly.'

Ernie -- 'Ah yes, a case of collusion and cover-up on the horizon, no doubt ready to act and support Fatman Captain Nelson, and fabricate or concoct some defence for him if the bobbies came to nick him.'

Maureen -- 'The biggest villain and criminal is Captain Nelson, everybody knows he was involved in that Internet scam and used his teenage son. But, because he's a web illiterate, they couldn't get him, but I reckon it was a family job. His wife is supposed to be quite brainy, and the younger son goes to one of those private schools. Nelson is the one we should keep an eye on, I heard he was connected to a holiday let scam in the north, somewhere far away from Hellsey so that no-one here would know.'

Ernie -- 'I'm not surprised, Maureen, he's been my number one suspect all along. Fatman Captain Nelson could easily be the leader of the Large Acres Conspiracy.'

Maureen -- 'He's a bit of a one at the football club, and he thinks he knows a lot about football. No-one can recall when he last went out on a boat, even that's a mystery.'

Ernie -- 'Was that the phone? Maureen.'

THE TELEPHONE RINGS

Maureen -- 'No, I didn't hear it before, but there it goes now, you must be fizzick or something similar.'

Ernie -- 'Psychic, Maureen, not sidekick, I'll find out later who that was. We need to figure out who else is in this VAT fraud swindle around here.'

Maureen -- 'Well, they say the bloke in the corner was having some stuff done by that 'disappearing' builder, and when I think about Fatman Captain Nelson's visits to him now and again, there could be something there, Ernie.'

Ernie -- 'Well done old girl, that's a link I should have seen for myself. I have seen him going over there several times.'

Maureen -- 'I just thought you ought to know. I have it marked down in my observation book of notes, and we've got to keep them up to date, Ernie.'

Ernie -- 'Indeed we have, Maureen, we can't let any one of them out of our sights, it's a den of nasties here, all of 'em two-faced and double dealers.'

Maureen --'I did some sniffing around at the Hellsey council, but they're tight-lipped and covering their own behinds.'

Ernie --'Well old girl I tried that last year when certain funds went missing and no-one was willing to explain. They just kept fobbing me off with excuses that the person who handles it wasn't there. So I left it, I'd got my answer really, even if it was in a roundabout way.'

Maureen --'Mrs Berry that know it all, said she saw Witch Annie taking back that frock she got and wore at the 'Do-gooders ball' last Sunday, and got her money back. She boasted that she did return things regularly and saved oodles of cash while looking quite rich and having one up on the others in Large Acre.....'I can't have the others in the Triangle thinking I'm a poor relation. We've got to maintain that air of 'To the Manor Born' at all costs' she said, and hailed a taxi from the High street to Large Acres.'

Ernie -- 'Yes, I can quite believe that, Maureen, show and looks are very important to this lot in the Large Acres Triangle. It is the core of their values, one has only to see how many service vans arrive on a daily basis, and all those gardening vehicles followed by window cleaners.'

Maureen -- 'How did this lot get together? Ernie, I've always wondered since I got together with you on this investigation.'

Ernie -- 'It all began with Poser Prince Will Hyams and that Prissy Hat the local tart, they were in league with Fatman Captain Nelson. They were sort of forming an Arian race in the Large Acres, one that agreed with their aims and went along with their code of practice, and keep out anyone who challenged them.'

Maureen -- 'Ooh, that sounds nasty, Ernie, I wouldn't want that where I live, it sounds like a Freemasons type of thing.'

Ernie -- 'Precisely, it's full of secrets and in the pursuit of power, Maureen, it's all about control, and the Triangle only want 'their kind of people' which by all accounts mirror images Hellsey and the dark secrets it has hidden away.'

Maureen -- 'It's a proper little soap opera with lots of villainy, I'd better keep my wits about me from now on.'

Ernie -- 'Indeed you must, one false step old girl and they will be onto you, and that would severely hamper our enquiries and observations. We've go to tread carefully in a place like this.'

Maureen -- 'There go the dogs again, no doubt it's Witch Annie and the Tightwads in conference.'

SOUND OF DOGS BARKING

Ernie -- 'It all started with the Hyacinth Bucket Syndrome of 'Bouquet' and keeping up with appearances. Will Hyams the inflated executive needed to look super rich, and having to negotiate with 'Onslow' Fatman Captain Nelson to make sure they only chose people in their paypacket bracket.'

Maureen -- 'I can't see how Captain Nelson fitted in at all, he's quite vulgar and football heads are too violent and uncouth.'

Ernie -- 'Indeed, Maureen, but Fatman Nelson was anxious to rise above the norm and mix with the rich, and the Tightwads and Bakersman were of the sort that labelled themselves as middle class rich, and Witch Annie was full of her own self-importance. And Will Hyams had to get rid of 'the Enemy' a woman who he did not like, and the conspiracy was formed.'

Maureen -- 'Do we know how many of them are involved in Large Acres? or is it the ones we investigate now?'

Ernie -- 'I'd like to think we have them all, Maureen, but it's like the tip of the iceberg thing and what lies beneath might amaze us all....that's why we keep watching them.'

Maureen -- 'I always thought this VAT thing was about avoiding tax, Ernie.'

Ernie -- 'It is old girl, its about so-called merchants doing work for cash and not declaring it as income, namely not issuing receipts or paperwork in order to evade and avoid the tax man.'

Maureen -- 'Builders, white van men and who knows what next, where has honesty gone? Ernie.'

Ernie -- 'Well, it's not in Large Acres for a start, and while we have the existence of the Triangle, the dirty tricks and double dealing will go on.'

Maureen -- 'Well, talking about going, I think it's about time I was making my way home, but I will keep you informed if anything happens.'

Ernie -- 'I'll be here, Maureen, just phone or call round, especially if you hear anything in the Hellsey district.'

Maureen -- 'Yes, I will, Ernie. Oh, and before I forget, I may have something on a poison pen letter thing which involves the Large Acres Triangle, but I'll let you know more when I've checked a few things, Bye, Ernie.'

Ernie -- 'Bye old girl, and keep your eyes peeled and your wits about you, we have a dangerous enemy out there!'

THE MUSIC FADES AND WE COME TO THE END.