'THE STENCH OF EVIL IS HERE'
Ernie. 'Ah yes, I thought that was you, Maureen, You're light on your feet, but that door is a bit of a give-away old girl.'
Maureen. 'Yes I know, Ernie, it needs fixing, and I've told you that on many occasions!'
Ernie. 'Indeed you have, and I will get around to doing something about it. It's on my list of things to do, I just seem to have so much to do these days.'
Maureen. 'Me too, Ernie, I'm always sticking those memo thingamies on my fridge, and I don't think they work awfully well, because I keep finding them on the floor.'
Ernie. 'I used to have that problem too, but it's more to do with bits of paper, and I keep on misplacing or losing them!'
Maureen. 'Yes, tell me about it, anyway, what have you been doing, I don't see a case file anywhere, and that's not like you, Ernie?'
Ernie. 'You're right there old girl, I've been reminiscing or rather revisiting how the nightmare of Large Acres began, and the emergence of the Triangle villains.'
Maureen. 'Oh yes, Ernie, that distinct stench of evil you say has corrupted the good that no longer exists in Hellsey.'
Ernie. 'Yes, Maureen, the rise of the Triangle and others that we know of around here. We just didn't see them at first, but they were here all along and hiding in plain sight, and that was the sneaky bit!'
Maureen. 'Well, I wouldn't have known it without you bringing it to my attention, but I'm glad you did, otherwise I might have been tempted to go over to the dark side, eh Ernie?'
Ernie. 'Not you, Maureen, and let's keep away from Star Wars, you're not a Jedi Warrior yet, but I think you were once a good contender to be a Princess Leah.'
Maureen. 'OOoh, yes, Ernie, I fancy that, but I'd rather hear about what you've been reflecting on, that's more interesting right now!'
Ernie. 'Yes, it started with one of those occasions when you suddenly realise someone's been taking you for a right plonker, and have been right from the start. But they've played you, and played you rather well. And it's annoying, because in reality you saw signs of this and dismissed them because you didn't want to see the truth!'
Maureen. 'Yes, I think we all do that, Ernie, and I don't know why we let them get away with it, no, I really don't.'
Ernie. 'Same here, old girl, but I guess some of us wake up and smell the coffee. Oh, before I forget, there's tea in the pot or a nice percolated coffee in the kitchen if you want one. I went out and bought one of those machines and it works very well.'
Maureen. 'Thank you, Ernie, but I will stick with the tea. I only have one coffee a day, so do go on, I'm all ears.'
Ernie. 'Well, the newcomers made every attempt to be nice and fit in, but they were doomed from the start. They were not pliable or should I say gullible as previous house buyers, and they weren't going to have 'compliance' thrust at them in whatever guise, and this lot in the Large Acres Triangle knew all the angles.'
Maureen. 'Oh, that was good, Ernie, Triangle and angles, I rather like that!'
Ernie. 'Yes, I kinda knew that you would spot that, but let's get back to my thread, and no jokes about woolies and all that, or we'll be here all day, and I'll never finish what I'm telling you.'
Maureen. 'Okay, Ernie, I'll not interrupt again, well, I'll try not to!'
Ernie. 'We'll not go back in detail on the little things, those lies Prissy Hat told, and the liberties the Poser Prince took on the parking thing...the nicking of property etc, mind you, they did all add up to something rather insidious, but I think we dealt with that. So I'll go onto the parking thing which has never gone away, and the newcomers were nearly squeezed out by this lot in the Acres!
Maureen. Yes, even when I visit now, things are getting a lot worse, and its set to explode, especially around the Do-Gooders place, those brood boys are all getting to the driving age, and I regularly see five vehicles now, three of them in the road!'
Ernie. ''Well, that's only there, Maureen, wait until the Fatman Captain Nelson wants another space for his off-spring's car, he'll not be content in putting it on the drive, he'll look around to see if he can encroach on someone else, and we know where that will be!'
Maureen. 'Yes, I can guess that, Ernie, he'll intrude on the newcomers just like the Poser Prince did, and claim the area is his, he's quite arrogant and selfish enough to do it.'
Ernie. 'I fear that will be the case, old girl, he's shown that attitude several times, and he's in with the villains at Leigh Park. So I think you may well be right there!'
Maureen. 'Well, Ernie, I don't want to be, but it's rather typical of him, he's got that 'Poser Prince' syndrome and he's obviously wanting to be bigger and better.'
Ernie. 'As I was saying, I think the turning point came when the newcomers found that they had vans, wagons and builders in front of their house. A whole row of them everyday for several months, and they were not even told about it or consulted on this. The Poser Prince and Prissy Hat just did it as if it was their right to encroach on the neighbour. And I think that's when the newcomers realised what these people were about and how they flagrantly broke any code of friendship in order to disadvantage them, and didn't see it as a problem at all. They were having their house done up and as far as they were concerned, the newcomers had to put up with it, extremely neighbourly eh?'
Maureen. 'To them, yes, Ernie, they probably expected the newcomers to just roll over and bow to their every whim. I hear she's like that when she's not trying to fool folks in the village.'
Ernie. 'Indeed, and after that situation she soon let it be known to the likes of Wicked Witch Annie and Fatman Captain Nelson that the newcomers were not the kind of folk they wanted in the Triangle.'
Maureen. 'I suppose it just went on from there, eh, Ernie?'
Ernie. 'It did, they took every opportunity to do as much unpleasantry as possible, and now after spreading the word, the had the other members of the Triangle to support them.'
Maureen. 'And up to this day as we well know, Ernie, their bond and their aims to oust the newcomers still goes on with as much venom as they can all muster.'
Ernie. 'That is so, Maureen, but there are others in the Triangle, unseen, and in league with the main ringleaders, they have this connection I mentioned in an earlier episode.'
Maureen. 'You did, Ernie, and Danny do dah told us about that in his real life TO THE POINT interview on that radio thingamy, I listened to that, it was a real eye-opener.'
Ernie. 'That it was, a slice of the real Hellsey, and one that should not be ignored. These kind of people exist, and if nobody does anything about it, they win and we can't let it happen.'
Maureen. 'Well, I know the parking thing still goes on, but wasn't there something about dying plants you once told me about, Ernie?'
Ernie. 'Oh yes old girl, what a memory you've got. Yes, that went on for quite a while and it proved to be quite a mystery. In fact, three years of it more or less, and all in the same place too, next to the small path of Poser Prince!'
Maureen. 'I think you said that the newcomers put in three plants, one each year, and they all mysteriously died!'
Ernie. 'Indeed they did, and some died very quickly. They got in an expert gardener who arrived at the conclusion that it was probably due to a powerful weedkiller. He couldn't find any other valid reason at all.'
Maureen. 'Oh my, that was shocking, and evil, Ernie, did they know who was doing it?'
Ernie. 'Oh yes, they had a damn good idea who it was, and they got quite 'shirty' when confronted with it, however, that all changed when the newcomers decided enough was enough, and they abandoned the idea to have plants next to Poser Prince's path, and they came up with a splendid idea that ended whatever was going on.'
Maureen. 'Yes, I quite like that too, no doubt some of the Triangle lot don't, but they also got what they deserved. If they'd only let them be it would have just been plants like any others.'
Ernie. 'Indeed, but they had to do something to stem this evil, and putting in that iron sculpture in solid concrete really worked. They relocated a plant they only just saved, and it's doing fine. So I think we can all see what had been going on, eh?'
Maureen. 'I can, Ernie, even if the other lot in Hellsey all wear blinkers. Do you want me to do another Fatman joke before we look at something else?'
Ernie. 'Not today, Maureen, I think we'll skip that on this episode as we're nearing the end of this series and we've only got two episodes left. And there is another incident of evil that must be told before we go onto our round up of the Triangle happenings!'
Maureen. 'That's okay, Ernie, I'll save the joke for next time, It's a pity we're getting near to the end of this second series, I hope we'll get another.'
Ernie. We shall have to wait and see, Maureen, but for now we'll consider our next little item which I will call 'the camera' for now. Apparently, one afternoon let's say, December, during the hours of 12 to 4pm, someone tampered with the newcomers camera above their main door, and it is almost 9 foot above ground!'
Maureen. 'Well, you can't get to that easily, and its in full view of the road and the Acres!'
Ernie. 'Precisely old girl, they took it down while the newcomers were out and timed their opportunity knowing others in the Triangle wouldn't speak out. When the newcomers got back they found the smashed camera on their driveway, obviously whoever did it found out to their delight that it was just a dummy camera for security purposes.'
Maureen. 'Ah yes, I guess that's what they wanted to know, they probably thought it was keeping an eye on them.'
Ernie. 'Yes, a second camera was tampered with a year before, it was over the garage next to Witch Annie's, but they failed to get it down. But they need not have bothered, both cameras were there just to deter burglars. It is clear to me that the Triangle were bothered, and you don't have to look far for the suspects!'
Maureen. 'No, you don't Ernie, but no doubt the newcomers had a good idea who it was.'
Ernie. 'They did, and at the time, Poser Prince Will Hyams and Prissy Hat were away on holiday which rules them out. And this only leaves Wicked Witch Annie and Fatman Nelson, and he'd have to conscript his big teenage son who would have the reach necessary. But the one that fears things the most is Witch Annie and she's right next door to that garage, and she's not too far from their driveway area. She's also got the brood to rely on too, don't forget that.'
Maureen. 'Yes, I see that, and a camera doesn't just pop off its screws and jumps to the ground without some help, Ernie.'
Ernie. 'No, it doesn't, but since it happened they have now considered getting a state of the art real wireless camera which sends pictures to a pc device storage unit, and it records on a loop night and day, with super night vision capabilities, and makes a wide sweep of the area to include the vehicles area and the sculpture too. So the Triangle have yet again shot themselves in the foot!'
Maureen. 'They have, and how silly of them, they're getting what they didn't want and if they'd left things alone both Poser Prince and Witch Annie would have had nothing to fear at all.'
Ernie. 'They never think things out, Maureen, that's their trouble, they're a bunch of reactionaries, they hit out maliciously and furtively, hoping that they can drive a person out. It might work with some, but they're on a loser this time.'
Maureen. 'Do we have time to look at what the Do-Gooders are up to and all the mysterious movement in the night?'
Ernie. 'Sorry, old girl, I can't even do an update on the Tightwads which I ought to mention. No, we're running out of time so we'll have to leave it there for now. But we'll be back in episode 19 with a whole lot more.'
Maureen. 'Oh, drat the time, Ernie, it's time for me to go too, and I was just enjoying this.'
Ernie. 'Me too, so leave the tea things for me and I'll see you on the next one.'
Maureen. 'Okay then, Ernie, Bye for now.'
Ernie. 'Bye old girl, Bye bye.'
THE END.