''THE WITCH HUNT BEGINS'
It's another day at the office for Ernie and Maureen.....
Ernie. 'Oh, I didn't hear you arrive, Maureen, and you're a tad earlier than usual too!'
Maureen. 'Yes, I thought I'd better do so, especially after bumping into Shirley yesterday. There's something you ought to know about those folk in the Triangle.'
Ernie. 'Mmm, sounds interesting, and very urgent by the way you're acting old girl, what with your early arrival eh?'
Maureen. 'Well I hope so, but there again you might be aware of what's going on, Ernie.'
Ernie. 'Not yet old girl, not until you tell me. So, sit yourself down and pour out a cuppa, it's a fresh brew.'
Maureen. 'Now where do I begin? well, it's really a bit of a warning so-to-speak, Ernie. Shirley tells me that the Triangle have many collaborators and friends in league with Poser Prince, Prissy Hat, Nelson and Witch Annie, and one she said that's into flowers and stuff nearby.'
Ernie. 'Not surprising really, and as for the woman with the flower fetish, I've long thought there was a connection there. But it's good to hear we're getting what they call feedback, Maureen. So I'm pleased about the confirmation. What about the others?'
Maureen. 'I'm not sure yet, Ernie, but there are several others in the Hellsey district and area who visit them. I'm sure they get to know things and spread the word about us. Shirley says she is absolutely sure on that, and her hubby is too.'
Ernie. 'That's fine, we'll have to make sure we let a lot of others know, ones who have never met them and swallowed their lies!'
Maureen. 'Ooh yes, that sounds like a good idea, Ernie, I hadn't thought about that.'
Ernie. 'You've got to fight fire with fire, Maureen, and turn things against them. They feel safe in Hellsey, but if its out of the area they get quite nervous and annoyed. And I've seen that for myself, that's the chink in their armour!'
Maureen. 'I suppose it is, Ernie, but there are some sneaky ones in the Triangle who lay low and appear not to be involved even though they are.'
Ernie. 'Indeed, one strange thing I happened to notice about the silent ones in the corner of the Triangle, the Tightwads, was the way they all drive each others vehicles, and that apparently goes for the Do-Gooders too. It makes one wonder what their car insurance stipulates in who are entitled to drive, I wouldn't mind getting a peep at it. I tend to think they're not keeping to any of it, and just how many people live there, that's a better question!'
Maureen. 'Ooh, so many questions, Ernie, and very few answers, but we'll unravel it sooner or later eh? Can I begin things with a joke, Ernie? Its not about the Fatman Captain Nelson, I'm saving that for later.'
Ernie. 'What form. Maureen, I thought you were devoting most of your lyrical adventure to Fatman Nelson, not that he doesn't deserve it of course, let's hear it then.'
Maureen. 'What goes in, out, in, out, shake it all about?'
Ernie. 'You've got me there, Maureen, what's the answer.'
Maureen. 'The Do-Gooders, Ernie, they're like hyper-active chickens on speed.'
Ernie. 'Not bad old girl, and quite apt really the more I think about it. They're beginning to feature more in our investigations and that's a worrying feature.'
Maureen. 'Of course, there is some sort of a story connected to the Do-Gooders, I've heard stuff which has been circulating in that particular area of the Triangle, and although its a rumour, it goes back a long way, Ernie.'
Ernie. 'Yes, I think I know what you're talking about, but we'll have to leave that for a future episode, Maureen. It's time to move onto our top file for this month and it's been a long time coming.'
Maureen. 'Ooh yes, the one on Wicked Witch Annie. I've been looking forward to that one for many months, Ernie.'
Ernie. 'That you have, Maureen, and its not going to be a pleasant experience, but it must be told, with nothing left out!'
Maureen. 'Yes, Ernie, I've always said that since we began looking at the Witch was doing, and we seemed to be the only ones aware of it, and that didn't make sense to me until I heard about the bonding certain folk have in Hellsey, and a second Triangle too!'
Ernie. 'Some of course may suggest she's one of those misunderstood women of a certain age with maternal instincts that have rather strayed as she's got older.'
Maureen. 'Oh yes, a little bit like fairies at the bottom of the garden, except this time its the brood and one particular boy, and that doesn't settle with me, Ernie, and it never has!'
Ernie. 'No, and I can understand why old girl, the pieces don't fit whichever way one attempts to square up the jigsaw.'
Maureen. 'It never will, Ernie, well not until someone gives this matter the attention it deserves, and I've never stopped looking at this.'
Ernie. 'No, you haven't, and I'm very proud of having you on my team, you're a bit of a bulldog really, you don't let go nor forget. But this is your case, Maureen, so let us get into it.'
Maureen. 'Well, lets look at the facts, Ernie, you've got an elderly woman who pretends to be right and proper having some sort of interest in a boy of about eight, which didn't look much out of place when she saw her own grandson who was a year or so older. And unlike now, she wasn't into visiting the boy's parents at all at that stage. The boy merely wandered around to everyone in the Acres, and everyone but her discouraged the lad from getting too familiar. But she was secretly playing a game of deception here, one that was difficult to unmask.'
Ernie. 'Yes, I can certainly go with that, Maureen, she's been pretty good with all the denials and being economic with the truth on several occasions so far.'
Maureen. 'Another blatant fact ignored by nearly everyone in the Large Acres Triangle, was that the boy was no relation to her family-wise, yet as time went by, he was not only at her coven, but regularly attending it straight after school, and there was that incident you witnessed which she tried to hide.'
Ernie. 'Oh yes, I remember the look on her face when she passed him a fiver, she gazed all around to see if anyone saw it, the kid wasn't very compliant and didn't make the scene easy for her, but she didn't see me watching it unfold!'
Maureen. 'Well, if it hadn't have been for your observations, no one would have been the wiser, and that leads me onto more, Ernie'
Ernie. 'Yes, she's fond of creating tension and issuing threats, even threats to stop our investigations, Maureen, do go on.'
Maureen. 'Well, as I was saying, there's quite a lot of this thing going on, but most of it isn't detected in the rural communities, they're slow to pick up on it, Ernie.'
Ernie. 'You could well be right, there, Maureen.'
Maureen. 'I am, Ernie, I just happened on an item in the local news...by chance really, and that was on a man who lived in Hellsey, and he had an important position in The Sea Scouts Association; a District Scout Commissioner or something.'
Ernie. 'Yes, I think I heard something about that, wasn't it one of those historic crime cases?'
Maureen. 'I suppose so, it did say the man committed the abuse on boys in Hellsey when he was a Sea Scout Leader some twenty years ago. But there's been at least a couple of cases in Hellsey reported about, and even a cop in Bodgner, all local, Ernie!'
Ernie. 'Yes, I know what you mean, and these others were more recent. But let's get back to Wicked Witch Annie, we mustn't lose sight of our own case, old girl.'
Maureen. 'Oh, sorry, Ernie, too much detail and not enough attention on Witch Annie, so where was I?'
Ernie. 'Your ever-growing worry and concerns over that kid and the Witch's behaviour.'
Maureen. 'Ah, yes, that's right, Ernie, I'm on it now. Just give me a moment to collect my thoughts, and make notes of course.'
Ernie. 'In your own time, Maureen, have a sip of your tea and then continue.'
Maureen. 'Well, I mentioned some of the stuff we've talked about and my own observations to Mary in the Bureau, you know, that Citizens Advice lot, and a chap called Cyril contacted me later.'
Ernie. 'Mmm, that's a move in the right direction, and what happened next?'
Maureen. 'Well, he wanted a copy of my written stuff, if it's okay with you, Ernie, and he wants to have a meeting with me....in the office up town!'
Ernie. 'Yes, a copy of it's okay, but its our case, and I think your meeting marks a new turn that heralds a change we're both going to like in this affair. Its time the Witch Annie thing was known about.'
Maureen. 'Yes, that's what I thought. I don't think we can keep this one to ourselves, it's been going on too long for my liking, and I'd like to scupper her plans!'
Ernie. 'So what did you tell Mary which got this chap so interested?'
Maureen. 'The lot, Ernie, I wasn't going to go economic. Mary was interested right from the off, she used to be on one of those Children's Welfare Committees.'
Ernie. 'What a bonus, Maureen, you certainly struck lucky there, anybody else and we'd still be on our own.'
Maureen. 'Not anymore, Ernie, we can't let the old Witch get away with it. She may fool most of the people most of the time, but not me.'
Ernie. 'I always said you're like a bloodhound, and boy oh boy, you've never stopped following this case. The Witch Annie has been on your radar for a long time.'
Maureen. 'I wasn't going to, Ernie, I'm giving Cyril all the notes on how many times that boy has been at her place, and those car trips with her and the others with the Bakersman...I'm not letting him go free, he's too shifty, always smiling and making pathetic waves.'
Ernie. Yes, I know all about that, it gets rather tedious...who wants a friend like him, not me, and that's for sure.'
Maureen. 'So what else have we got, Ernie, what's the news from your side?'
Ernie. 'Well, I can't top yours old girl, I thought you'd have another joke on the Fatman Nelson before I go onto some general observations to end this episode.'
Maureen. 'Yes, I've got something in reserve, Ernie. Apparently he entered a local competition for the best T-Shirt......they awarded him the top prize of XXXL, outstandingly large and obese.'
Ernie. 'Not the usual fatman thing, Maureen, but it nicely gets to the point.'
Maureen. 'I'll do better next time, and I'll be working on it for the next show.'
Ernie. 'For a starter we've got the Scumdrum kid, he goes on relentlessly 'practising' just as he has done since 2010, heading into obscurity while being totally oblivious to the Internet drum programs and apps that will eventually make his efforts redundant.....who needs a live drummer these days?'
Maureen. 'They're noisy too, Ernie, I've heard him in the Large Acres, its a dreadful row and I think he does it on purpose.'
Ernie. 'The Hyacinth Bouquet came to the Triangle via the delivery van from John Lewis, proving status is all for the Triangle members even when it comes to shopping. When they all start to copy each other with deliveries from Tesco etc, you know how desperate they are to be considered upmarket, which is strikingly apt for them really.'
Maureen. 'That goes for Hellsey too, Ernie, I saw something recently on Smugglers Day, and it was being done really well, not like that Hellset fiasco some year or so ago, it fizzled out like a faulty firework, and it was never that woman's idea. To get something going well you've got to believe in it before spouting off that it's going to be big and go on for years.'
Ernie. 'Yes, I remember that, there was plenty of hot air, big talk about how it was going to be a big Hellsey event, and it all came to nothing.'
Maureen. 'One other thing I must tell you about before I go, and its quite shocking really. I went to a shop called Cex in South Street and after being there ages they actually supplied me with the wrong DVD, I was really annoyed.'
Ernie. 'Incompetent is the word, Maureen, they just don't care. I heard the same thing happened to a pensioner at their Bodgner branch, they actually denied getting it wrong, so don't go there again old girl, they're shysters.'
Maureen. 'Well, that's it, Ernie, I'll take the tea things out as I leave, and I'll see you later.'
Ernie. 'Okay, Maureen, take care, and let me know how things go on with that Cyril. We'll leave the case file open on Witch Annie, I feel there's more coming on that item.'
Maureen. 'Yes I will, bye bye, Ernie.'
Ernie. 'Bye!'
THE END.