EPISODE 4 'CAPTAIN NELSON'S BOOZE RUN'
AUDI0 CLICK HERE https://www.mixcloud.com/LargeAcresTriangle/large-acres-triangle-episode-4/
IT OPENS WITH THE DOGS BARKING
Maureen -- 'Oooh, what a row, Ernie, is it that Witch Annie again?'
Ernie -- 'Possibly old girl, it seems to be one of those I must get a dog for Christmas things, which is typical of this lot.'
Maureen -- 'I've just come from Hellsey High Street, it's looking more like a ghost town everyday. I was going to count how many empty shops there were, but I gave up looking after what you told me about the lack lustre attitude of the local people.'
Ernie -- 'Well, things close down so easy in this place, and after 4 pm it becomes a dead zone. Even the bank closes its doors at 2 - 30, which is lunch time in the big towns and cities.'
Maureen -- 'Oh, Ernie, wasn't it awful about the fire?'
Ernie -- 'Sure was, but they do say something like that sweeps away all that was bad, so some good comes out of it I guess!'
Maureen -- 'Well, what have we on the menu today? Ernie, anything tasty!
Ernie -- 'We certainly have, and it's about that Fatman Captain Nelson, him with the dodgy High Street solicitor.'
Maureen -- 'Oh, before I forget, I remember someone saying they heard Indian war drums on a visit to the Triangle. I laughed at first because I had the same thoughts when I ventured into the Acres back in 2012. I quickly told them it was one of those 'no-hoper wannabe's' that you told me about, one of those kids that doesn't realise the machine has replaced him long ago.' (Drums begin pounding in the distance)
Ernie -- 'Yeah, he's still at it, even though his contempories are on the Net downloading drum sounds and patterns for all their bedroom music projects, but he ain't got the message yet.'
Maureen -- 'Well, what's this news on Fatman Captain Nelson which you're calling the booze run? I take it that it means something illegal?'
Ernie -- 'It certainly looks like it according to my source at the Customs. Barnaby usually gets it right.'
Maureen -- 'Oh my, have we got it all on file, or do you want me to take notes, I can go and fetch my pad, Ernie'
Ernie -- 'Not right now, Maureen, just settle yourself down and I will tell you what Barnaby said.'
Maureen -- 'Okay, Ernie, I'll just get myself a tea, it will make me feel more comfortable and keep me alert.'
RATTLE OF TEA CUPS ETC
Ernie -- 'Well, it seems they've had the Fatman Captain Nelson under surveillance for a while. Nelson looks ordinary enough to fool most folks, but what they discovered was far more organised and devious, and he was getting help from his kids and wife too.'
Maureen -- 'Ooh yes, I've read things like that and they're the least ones you'd expect, but I suppose that's what they want you to believe.'
Ernie -- 'Lard arse Nelson shouldn't be ruled out at all, Maureen. Barnaby says he's got form despite the family man appearance and the marine thing.'
Maureen -- 'Oh dear, do carry on, Ernie, I'm really interested now.'
Ernie -- 'Well, it all began with the sailing thing and Nelson's frequent trips to a certain peninsula, which at first seemed random and casual.... until they intercepted an e-mail from Captain Nelson's son. Which had a time and the exact spot he'd been going to for several months. At first they didn't know if they were onto something, but even the customs suffer from curiosity like us.'
Maureen -- 'Ooh yes, I know the feeling, and with that Captain Nelson I'd be the same too.'
Ernie -- 'There was nothing exceptionally clever going on, because it was evident he relied on the quietness of the village and the lack of police presence. He also knew someone in the Coastguard station and timed his collections of contraband to information he had obtained, all he had to do was involve his family and make it appear like nothing was really going on.'
Maureen -- 'My my, he's really got some nerve, he doesn't care who he uses so long as he gets his own way.'
Ernie -- 'Apparently, he used his wife's car to secretly crawl out of the Acres to rendezvous with the boat off the shore, that way it looks casual because he knows the van might just alert some suspicion. Barnaby says it's a small cabin cruiser that just anchors out in the shallow water.'
Maureen -- 'Is it always the same one? or do they use more boats to confuse the authorities?'
Ernie -- 'Amazingly, it's always the same one, it apparently travels over to a spot and anchors at Littlehampton, and the Fatman Captain Nelson has been seen approaching by the main road only to dart down a side road and end up parked fairly near the moored boat. Barnaby says its one month on and one month off, that's when he uses the van.'
Maureen -- 'So what role does his son do apart from monitor things on the Internet and use one of those smart phones or I pad or pod things?'
Ernie -- 'He does the arranging and more or less keeps himself as lookout electronically so to speak. The younger kid does the cover bit and pretends to be out fishing with dad, and a couple of rods.'
Maureen -- 'Does he help get the stuff in, or does his role in this just create the illusion of a dad out with his boy?'
Ernie -- 'One would think that, Maureen, indeed you would, but not so. He's the shield or covert element designed to divert attention from what's going on. Besides this he goes out to the boat and brings the stuff to shore while the Captain keeps lookout and tinkers with the fishing rods, and remember, he doesn't look that good in a wet suit.'
Maureen -- 'Oh dear, I wouldn't fancy seeing him in one of those, it's bad enough looking at him in shorts most of the summer.'
Ernie -- 'It's the overhang isn't it? but that's another story. Let's get back to this one. The booze and other stuff is nicely concealed behind the seating in the cabin, a sort of storage area for food so I'm told that is behind the seating area. The guy who's travelled across the channel anchors off the Hellsey beach, but he hasn't got long and he quickly gets it into an emergency dinghy and the kid brings it to shore. Fatman Nelson opens the back of the car and in it goes as fast as possible.'
Maureen -- 'What do they do about the fishing stuff, Ernie, you haven't told me about that.'
Ernie -- 'That's just cover in case they're interrupted, they casually go over and stay with the rods for a few minutes before pretending there's nothin' doing, and then pack up the rods and head off back into Hellsey and the Large Acres Triangle. The younger son texts his older brother first and then they're set for the final move.'
Maureen -- 'I don't expect anyone really notices anything in Hellsey do they? Ernie.'
Ernie -- 'No, they don't, and if they did, I reckon they'd assist or get involved in it anyway. Now where was I?'
THE CUCKOO CLOCK STARTS AND A GUN GOES OFF
Ernie continues -- 'Well, the two of them casually arrive back by different routes, the boy gets in before his father to avoid suspicion. Fatman Captain Nelson arrives and positions the car near the garage, and with the help of the others puts the stuff away, and in addition makes it all look like they're having a bit of a clear up, and that's how he is doing it.'
Maureen -- 'Yes, quite easy really, especially if you're a member of the Large Acres Triangle.'
Ernie -- 'It certainly helps, Maureen, they're not going to shop him or his kids. What seems to be random turned out to be well planned, can't think why Melamina the intrepid newshound of Whacklesham and Bayside missed that? Fatman Captain Nelson is not widely known for his braininess or charisma, which scores 'nil' of course. She did say however, that there were rumours he had been running trips across the channel to bring in booze which exceeded his allowance and had a confrontation with officials, hence this operation.'
Maureen -- 'Have they nabbed him yet/ Ernie, it's time they did.' ( A siren begins to go off)
Ernie -- 'Apparently they're closing in and it will only be a matter of time. But there again, this is Hellsey, and they do look after their own, especially these Triangle folk.'
Maureen -- 'So what happens next? Ernie, do we do something to help the customs and this Barnaby?'
Ernie -- 'No. Maureen, it's out of our hands for now, but we will still keep a look out on Fatman Captain Nelson, because I'm sure there's more, and we, yes we, will root it out.'
THUNDER FOLLOWS
Maureen -- 'There's talk around the area that death nells ring even louder for the Hellsey Festival, the crowds were non-existent, and what visitors there were didn't even know there was a festival.'
Ernie -- 'That doesn't surprise me old girl, the year before wasn't all that great, and the arrangements were dire too.'
Maureen -- 'Mr Franklin, him down near the old folks home tells me that the boys of the 'Fagin thing' use the garage door at home as quick access to the garden summerhouse so that they can go and smoke their weed and do things on these iphones or whatever.'
Ernie -- 'No doubt, Maureen, they're quite partial to a little bit of illegal driving too, so doing the other bit presents on problem at all. The law isn't anywhere to be seen in Hellsey much at all.'
Maureen -- 'It will soon be Halloween and bonfire night again, how the time flies, Ernie.' (thunder sounds)
Ernie -- 'I'm glad you mentioned that, I hear there's no shortage of broomsticks in the Triangle. Wicked Witch Annie is always out in the garden trying to make a super one so that she can get to Hogwarts Academy, especially as the other one has burnt down.'
Maureen -- 'Ooh, I like that, Ernie, but it's time I was going. Are we going to do that stuff on Prissy Hat and the Catalogue Scam next time?'
Ernie -- 'We most certainl are, you can take the typewriter if it helps.'
Maureen -- 'Not this time, Ernie, I'll do it in long hand and go over it, and let you type it. You're so much better than me when it comes to doing a report for filing.'
Ernie -- 'That's fine with me, Maureen, just look after yourself and let me know of anything else.'
Maureen -- 'Bye, Ernie, I'm going now.'
Ernie -- 'Bye!'
THE DOGS BEGIN BARKING AGAIN as we fade out to the end.