'MUCH ADO ABOUT SOMETHING'
AUDIO https://www.mixcloud.com/LargeAcresTriangle/largeacrestriangle-episode-10/
THE INTRODUCTION -- ERNIE IS BUSY AT THE TYPEWRITER.
Ernie. 'Yes, I knew that you'd arrived, Maureen, you tend to keep to the same time, and that is most re-assuring, even if it is predictable! '
Maureen. 'That's me, Ernie, I never think of these things, but I'm here all the same....On time like usual.'
Ernie. 'I've just been working on next month's case involving the Poser Prince Will Hyams, and it's quite a bombshell really. The man never knows where to draw the line, he reacts like an imbecile at times, which is probably due to his pompous attitude and self-importance.'
Maureen. 'There's plenty of that about these days, Ernie, one's only to attend a local council meeting and it all becomes obviously clear that there has been some sort of collusion. Especially when you see some of the really stupid things that are voted through.'
Ernie. 'And often or not, Maureen, the same person is behind it, and that's what you call undue influence, and strangely there isn't anyone questioning it at all. It's as if the whole thing was a done deal way before the vote anyway!'
Maureen. 'I was quite amazed with that solicitors scandal in Hellsey, Ernie. I tuned in to that Southwaves radio programme TO THE POINT and heard the full story of how they fooled most of the people for most of the time, and they were quite right to say that the other Lawyers in the area kept quiet about it. They must have known, mustn't they?'
Ernie. 'Indeed they must, they have their own Gazette on law news, and it's ridiculous to accept no-one knew in the other firms, but they did nothing, and that's the suspicious bit, Maureen.'
Maureen. 'All those years as well, I can quite see why they chose Hellsey as the place to operate the fraud. It's ideal in many ways. There's lots of underhand things going on as we well know, Ernie.'
Ernie. 'That was probably their findings too when they happened on this tawdry village, there's plenty of scope to thieve and deceive!'
Maureen. 'I still wonder if they had any help from some of the local citizens, those that you call susceptible and tainted with the same disease that the Large Acres lot have.'
Ernie. 'It took 8 years to bag them, Maureen, and you don't get to do that without having help from someone in Hellsey.'
Maureen. 'You mentioned thieving and deceiving just now, Ernie, and if I recall, there was something you were going to tell me about that Prissy Hat.'
Ernie. 'Ah yes, the land grab and appropriation scam, and what a neat little saga that was, Maureen. It was executed with a deceit that one could call worthy of 'brownie' points old girl.'
Maureen. 'Apparently with the help of Poser Prince....they were on the brink of actually laying claim to someone else's land as theirs if the right amount of time had elapsed...in their favour so you said, Ernie.'
Ernie. 'Yes, Maureen, twelve years so I'm told, and that gives you how long they'd been waiting, only to be scuppered at the last moment due to the keen eyed new owners of the property next door.'
Maureen. 'Ooh how awful, what a thing to do.....why wasn't anything said?'
Ernie. 'Two things there, Maureen. The Palace looked better if they seized and kept the strip of land, as it cosmetically squared things nicely. And secondly they had built a garden feature to go with it using the strip, and of course this was in jeopardy if it was discovered what they were up to. And boy were they annoyed when they were found out!'
Maureen. 'Indignant too I guess going by what I've seen in the Triangle. They're into possessions and flaunting stuff.'
Ernie. 'You've got that right, Maureen, they were, but there's more to tell and it gets more lively as one would say.'
Maureen. 'Oh yes, do go on, Ernie, I'm all ears!'
Ernie. 'They'd actually been using next door's strip of land for well over a year until the new owner noticed something wrong and consulted their deeds to see if anything had been sold off. And when it was obvious that there was no mention of such a transaction, they tackled Prissy Hat about it.'
Maureen. 'Oh Dear, I bet she wasn't too pleased to have that thrown at her, especially as they were so near to acquiring it free, and using a 'default claim' to get it.'
Ernie. 'Well, there's a funny thing, she went very quiet and didn't contest it right there and said 'take it' and walked away before coming back to take some of the things she had in that plot.'
Maureen. 'How strange, Ernie, did it just end like that or have we more to go?'
Ernie. 'There's more, Maureen, they had time to consider what was happening and that brought out the rage in both Prissy Hat and the Poser Prince. She emerged later as changes were now going on by the rightful owners saying that things had been okay before they arrived, and that the previous neighbours didn't mind them using the strip of land.'
Maureen. 'My oh my, what a claim to make considering she knew they'd been extending their own property without telling the new people about it.'
Ernie. 'Well, that wasn't the end of the matter. When the new owner put things right, Poser Prince claimed that it was wrong and the boundary was in his favour, and she then appeared suggesting she had arial photos to show that their land did extend over the strip.'
Maureen. 'And did it? or was this them trying to pull a fast one, Ernie?'
Ernie. 'It was, Maureen, they challenged him on this and sought legal opinion on land law who said if the present boundary posts hadn't been moved for over twelve years they couldn't succeed with a claim...and it all went quiet, they didn't come forward to prove what they said, and they weren't happy at all.'
Maureen. 'Not nice at all, Ernie, I wouldn't like those kind of people living next to me, they're pretty rotten through and through.'
Ernie. 'Yes, indeed, but at that point they didn't know about the others and the Large Acres Triangle. They were newcomers, and what they'd just been through was only the tip of the Iceberg, there was more to come!'
Maureen. 'Ooh yes, they'd disturbed the order of things and I guess the others weren't that happy now, especially as they'd upset long standing friends in the clique.'
Ernie. 'You've got it, Maureen, the knives were out and the allies to the Poser Prince and Prissy Hat were now in full battle mode plotting the next move against the newcomers.'
Maureen. 'I take it wicked Witch Annie jumped in with her talons sharpened and ready to do as much harm as possible?'
Ernie. 'Oh Yes, her broomstick has a built in guidance system. She can lie out of both sides of her mouth at the same time and even if she caught herself telling the truth, she'd keep her hand in with more denials than a bent solicitor in Hellsey.'
Maureen. 'That doesn't surprise me at all, Ernie, she flies off to all the other members of the Triangle to relay any lie or information she thinks they can use.'
Ernie. 'Sad to say, I've seen that myself on several occasions, and she even stirs things up to get a reaction.'
Maureen. 'What about Fatman Captain Nelson, he's a real fan of the Poser Prince, didn't you once tell me he stands waiting outside his house when anything goes off?'
Ernie. 'Yes, Maureen, but I think that's to protect and lie for the other members of the Triangle 'bearing false witness' as they call it, and he's shown his colours more than once against the newcomers.'
Maureen. 'Oh my, he's a nasty piece of work, two faced as well, I can't stand the sight of him.'
Ernie. 'Well, he's a major mover on the parking space situation, mainly because he thinks he's entitled to do what he likes. He even parked in front of the drop curb of the newcomers telling them where they should park, and he was flouting the regulation DG 069860 section 243 of the Highways Act, which he said didn't apply to him because he had friends in the council who'd cover for him.'
Maureen. 'Ooh that makes my blood boil, he's got a nerve, he needs taking down a peg or two, Ernie. We'll have to keep our file open on him, and his family.'
Ernie. 'Have no fear there, Maureen, I keep the file on Captain Nelson fully open at all times, but having said that, the Bakersman claimed he had a right to cross in front of the newcomers garage with his car, and that it was a right in his deeds, but wouldn't prove it. Even his friends and visitors have parked in front of the neighbours garage for up to half an hour, and did he ask if he could? Not on your Nelly, he sees it as a right!'
Maureen. 'What a lot they are, don't they have any decency at all?'
Ernie. 'I very much doubt it, they don't think the newcomers have any rights at all, and they show contempt for them at every opportunity. Playing games on the parking is just one of their ploys to cause the newcomers aggravation and nuisance, which often amounts to outright provocation... but in reality its a campaign to drive them out, something the Poser Prince is eager to do.'
Maureen. 'Yes, I can see why he wants that, it's not the first time he's done it, and I think of that woman he took exception to.'
Ernie. 'So do I, Maureen, and by all accounts he got away with it, and I tend to think he had some help from the others in the Triangle. They've been in operation for a number of years now.'
Maureen. 'How come we can't net some of the others, Ernie, we more or less know where they are.'
Ernie. 'Mainly because they're pretty sneaky, and move about doing the bidding of the others, but I did hear that the guy who tried to stop us resembled the Bakersman, which sounds feasible.'
Maureen. 'Very possible, probable and out of them all, he'd be the one to attempt it, Ernie.'
Ernie. 'Yes, I had thought that myself, he's got good reason to try such a move.'
Maureen. 'Have we any more news on the Nelson teen, you know, the one that's on the computer trawling the porn sites and all that, in the early morning?'
Ernie. 'Not really, Maureen, I would have called him a college or Uni kid, but he seems to be at home all day now, and they've got a dog to copy some of the others in the Triangle.'
Maureen. 'Oh yes, one of those fads I suppose, a little bit like a dog for Christmas, it won't last long.'
Ernie. 'You could be right there old girl, but I never see the fatman taking it out, maybe it doesn't like him.'
Maureen. 'Who'd ever think that, and talking about the fatman, are you up for one of my jokes and riddles before I go/'
Ernie. 'I wondered when, Maureen, just go for it before I get back to the typewriter.'
Maureen. 'What moves like a constipated elephant and blots out the Sun?'
Ernie. 'I don't know old girl, but I have an idea where this is going.'
Maureen. 'It's a total eclipse of the fart.......Fatman Captain Nelson of course.'
Ernie. 'Well done, Maureen, you're getting very inventive, I really liked that.'
Maureen. 'I won't ask you what we've got next, Ernie, because I already know its about the Poser Prince Will Hyams, so is there anything you want me to do before I take the crockery through to the kitchen?'
Ernie. 'Not really, Maureen, you do enough already, and its much appreciated by me. But do go careful through the Acres, not just because of wicked Witch Annie, these lot have vans arriving all the time, and guess where they park?'
Maureen. 'Oh yes, I've noticed that, they've got no consideration whatsoever, but I'll get off now, I'm going to check out if any more shops have closed down in Hellsey, its not looking good.'
Ernie. 'That's ongoing, Maureen, and the future looks bleak in that department, unless of course you fancy another coffee shop!'
Maureen. 'There's more than enough already, and I rarely visit one anyway, so I'll get on my way. I might just catch the bus this time.......bye for now.'
Ernie. 'Bye Maureen.'
ERNIE GOES BACK TO THE TYPEWRITER.
The End.