'THE POSER PRINCE PAYS OUT'
AUDIO Click here https://www.mixcloud.com/LargeAcresTriangle/large-acres-triangle-episode-11/
Intro piece
Ernie. 'Is that you, Maureen?'
Maureen. 'Yes, it is, I'm running a bit late today, I had to make a bit of a detour and go over to Bodgnor.'
Ernie. 'And what was it in Bodgnor that required your urgent attention, Maureen?'
Maureen. 'I had to see a man about my windows, my normal window cleaner was caught thieving according to what Madge tells me, and she actually warned me about using him, and I should have listened to her, so I need a replacement.'
Ernie. 'And have you managed to set yourself up with a new one?'
Maureen. 'No, not really, I didn't like the look of him, there was something I couldn't quite put my finger on, he was far too full of it for my liking, and that bothered me.'
Ernie. 'Well, you did right old girl, follow your instincts, we get too many around here, especially in the Triangle, and strangely enough that's going to bring us nicely around to this month's case file and the Poser Prince.'
Maureen. 'Ooh, that sounds interesting, Ernie, I've got to hear this one especially as I'm trying to find an honest one, and that isn't looking easy at the moment....should I put the kettle on first?'
Ernie. 'No, old girl, I've just made a brew, so take off your coat 'n' things and join me over here, I'll pour you one out...(THE CROCKERY RATTLES ETC)...........What had this thieving window cleaner been nicking, Maureen?'
Maureen. 'She didn't give any real details, Ernie, Madge tends to leave some things out, it's typical of her really. But I gather he'd been in a customer's shed, and knowing they were out, helped himself to several items, but he was seen and it was reported to the police.'
Ernie. 'Too right, that's how it should be. Sadly today's case doesn't have that sort of ending....for Poser Prince or the window cleaner for that matter, but that's the way it sometimes goes.'
Maureen. 'Well, I'm ready to hear all about it, Ernie, so I'll just sit back and let you get into the case, I know I'm going to like it.'
Ernie. 'Well, we're talking about one nasty piece of work who involves others in his scheme to oppress and intimidate, something he has in common with Fatman Nelson, another despicable character in the Triangle.'
Maureen. 'I know, he's another who thinks he can do as he likes, and you know what I think of him, Ernie.'
Ernie. 'My sentiments exactly, two prominent members of the Large Acres Triangle.'
Maureen. 'Yes, what a duo, Ernie, and they've been indulging in this evil for a very long time by all accounts, and getting away with it too!'
Ernie. 'The Poser Prince Will Hyams has no consideration for anyone else except himself, and those he is in league with, and I'm not so sure he's that bothered about them by certain traits he's publicly showed on occasions.'
Maureen. 'I think I've seen that myself, Ernie.'
Ernie. 'You will, if you happen to be in the area at the right time, he's quite obvious about it, but some of the others can't see it.'
Maureen. 'No, they're very blinkered or very similar to him, and that's the problem these days. You've only got to look around in Hellsey and you'll soon find its so.'
Ernie. 'Well, as I was about to say, Poser Prince was about to face trouble in court over what he did, he was awfully near it. The aggrieved neighbour who he didn't care about at all, had already applied for and received court papers to begin an action for damages.'
Maureen. 'Oh my, that's quite a move, Ernie, but I can't think of anyone more deserving of it.'
Ernie. 'Absolutely, Maureen, it's just a pity it didn't reach that stage. He paid up at the last minute claiming it was all a misunderstanding, which was a sad ending really, and not very sincere at all, so let's get down to the nitty gritty of the case.'
Maureen. 'Oh, he knew alright, there's nothing he does without intention. He thought he could do it without any come-backs and misjudged the situation and ran roughshod over the neighbour's rights, the ones he completely ignored on purpose.'
Ernie. 'Precisely so, Maureen, but he never thinks he's in the wrong, one wonders where he gets this notion that he is right all the time!'
Maureen. 'Well, you said it there, Ernie, he never thinks beyond his own existence, and that goes for the Fatman Nelson too. So what happened next?'
Ernie. 'Poser Prince without any consultation with the neighbour, decided he'd have his roof steam-cleaned, which is a rather dirty job so I'm told.'
Maureen. 'Is that the jet spray thing like they use down at a car wash, Ernie?'
Ernie. 'Yes, Maureen, its very similar, but used on a roof it throws out stuff and muck all over the place, and if you're living very close to where its going on, you're more than likely to be on the receiving end of some of that muck.'
Maureen. 'Oh, yes, and from what I've seen, the houses are only several feet away which I suppose means that the water jet throws it all over to the next door; well one side anyway.'
Ernie. 'Indeed old girl, that's what happened when Poser Prince hired this guy to go up on his roof and do this job.....and the bloke he got was his window cleaner?'
Maureen. 'Was he qualified for this? I never knew he could go from window cleaning to a specialised job like roof cleaning.'
Ernie. 'Ah, yes, I thought that myself, especially as it obviously requires a massive safety aspect and the usual chemicals. But that didn't seem to matter to Poser Prince, he didn't even notify the neighbour, his guys just turned up and began doing the job.'
Maureen. 'Oh, that's awful, they should have gone to see them and let them know what was about to happen.'
Ernie. 'Should have wasn't even in the Poser Prince's thoughts, nor in the mind of the window cleaner. They both totally disrespected the other property, even when they had a duty of care to do that. But Will Hyams never intended to tell them, and he had plenty of time to tell the neighbour?'
Maureen. 'So it all went ahead, and did they leave a mess, Ernie?'
Ernie. 'Indeed they did, Poser Prince was nowhere around, he'd gone and left the two-man team to do as they like, and the only clean up they did was to the other neighbour's property and around Will Hyam's place. They didn't even do a check of the property they'd left all scummed up with streaky muck which covered their pathway too.'
Maureen. 'How awful, Ernie, and is that just how they left it?'
Ernie. 'It was, Poser Prince wasn't in the least bothered by the aftermath, he made no attempt to see or do anything about the mess his job had caused.'
Maureen. 'That's typical, Ernie, and it shows what a nasty lot these Large Acres Triangle are.'
Ernie. 'Well, it didn't finish there, Maureen. The neighbour approached them and they calmly suggested that a brush and pan would do it.'
Maureen. 'What cheek, they really don't care or have any real sense of responsibility, truly a selfish man.'
Ernie. 'I agree, Maureen, but they didn't go for that and got a 'professional qualified' company in to put right all the damage done by Poser Prince's window cleaner.'
Maureen. 'Oh goodie, that's what I would have done....well, I would have told you first. Did they bill Will Hyams?'
Ernie. 'Oh yes, they sent him a copy of the bill and a notice that they wanted it paid in a reasonable period.'
Maureen. 'So why did the neighbour apply to the court for papers, Ernie?'
Ernie. 'Insurance really, Maureen, they couldn't really trust Poser Prince to pay up, and out of fairness, he took a long time to respond, and considering everything, it was the right move.'
Maureen. 'So, he finally chose to pay up and compensate the neighbour?'
Ernie. 'Yes, but amazingly he treated the whole matter in a off-hand manner, making out that the bill was cheaper than he expected, which isn't that surprising with a guy like him.'
Maureen. 'Yes, I guess I should have expected that from him, but it still doesn't let him off from the disgraceful conduct he showed throughout the incident.'
Ernie. 'That didn't matter, Maureen, not with him, he never referred to the duty to inform the neighbour of his intention to do the roof cleaning or explain why no-one went round to see the neighbour, he claimed he had forgot?'
Maureen. 'Oh, that won't do, Ernie, he'd have known for weeks he was having the job done, and knew that it would affect the neighbour. I tend to think that in reality, he hoped he would cause them as much trouble as possible.'
Ernie. 'Me too, Maureen, he's a Large Acres Triangle main player, and the only thing he didn't count on was having a second bill....as we can see, there's no limit to his arrogance.'
Maureen. 'Oh yes, Ernie, and it certainly makes me think more about hiring a new window cleaner, and definitely not the one he used. Someone who doesn't go to both neighbours before and after a job like that won't be my choice.'
Ernie. 'Caution is the word, Maureen, before you take on a new window cleaner, but having a good neighbour might help.'
Maureen. 'Yes, that's good advice, and luckily I think I've got that one covered. I live in a real community minded area, unlike you, Ernie.'
Ernie. 'Ah yes, let's hope it stays that way.....you don't need a Large Acres Triangle where you are.'
Maureen. 'Ooh no, I wouldn't like that, and talking about liking, would you like to hear another one of my little joke things before I clear away the tea things and make my way home?'
Ernie. 'Oh yes, Maureen, I didn't realise how quickly the time has gone, so go for it.'
Maureen. 'What does a Hippo and Captain Nelson have in common?'
Ernie. ' Dunno, Maureen, what's the answer?'
Maureen. 'They both share the ugly gene.'
Ernie. 'Another gem, Maureen, I had thought a pig or donkey might feature, but that will do for me.'
Maureen. 'I do my best, Ernie, so what have we got in our last episode of this series?'
Ernie. 'Well, its going to be a full roundup featuring some stuff we've not had time to cover, so don't miss it old girl, it's going to be a good one.'
Maureen. 'I'll be here, Ernie, I'm just sad we've come to the end of the first series, I feel there's a lot more to cover yet.'
Ernie. 'Oh there is, Maureen, and I think the final episode in the series will do it justice, and ensure we get another series.'
Maureen. 'Ooh, I do hope so, but I'd better go before I miss the bus, and Madge is coming round to see me later.'
Ernie. 'Okay, Maureen, don't hang around, just leave the tea things in the sink, and I will tend to them later.'
Maureen. 'See you later, Ernie, Bye bye!'
Ernie. 'Bye bye old girl, and take care.'
OUTRO TO THE END.