Judging Goats: A Primer for the Young

Post date: Jun 17, 2017 6:50:32 AM

--By Rumi Cudchew, author of A Brief Treatise on Keeping Inbaratharâg--

Welcome, fellow goat enthusiasts! Clearly, you are among the elite who not only know how to keep and train the best animals, but also are willing to act as custodians of future bloodlines. As judges, you will be responsible for promoting the best breeding stock. Come with me now into the stable yard where I'll introduce you to some of the finest goats ever bred!

The Meat Goat

Anatomy is of vital importance when breeding for meat production. Line up your goats, then look at them from behind to determine width of rump. Ignore any ribald comments from the crowd. Stand to the side and grade each animal on depth and length of loin, a straight, short back, and heaviness of shoulder. A wide spring of rib completes this assessment.

Then, commandeer the finest beast and set it aside for your supper. (Remember, non-Dwarves in outlying areas won't know this is not our usual fee.)

The Milking Goat

Of course, the udder is essential. Look for one able to hold plenty of milk and not drag along the ground where it will get stepped on by some drunken lout. Trust me, goat shows are full of them.

Contrary to popular thinking, a good udder is not all a fine milking nanny should have. She should be able to produce many kids and large amounts of milk, so look for a well-made goat, strong, with good girth and depth, and a kindly eye with that maternal, come hither gleam.

Picture: Spicy Brew of Erebor, winner of both Meat and Milk class (middle goat)

The Riding Goat

(For general anatomy, see Meat Quality above)

Temperament is equally essential in the ideal riding goat. You don't want one that tanks off down the mountain should it get a fright, nor one that hurls you into the shrubbery every time you try to mount. No, better to seek out a placid, obedient nanny, hardy in all weathers, with a thick, warm coat, and sure-footed for those high icy trails.

A spin around the courtyard should tell you all you need to know about smoothness of pace, stride length, and softness of mouth. If you feel like you're riding a mining drill, reject! Also, if you can't steer the beast, try to jump before it hurtles off the cliff.

Picture: Gundabad Maiden's Pleasure

The War Goat

Now here we come to a subject that may cause consternation, as some impetuous beginner judges have ended their careers and their lives right here.

War goats are male. Males have the most formidable horns and are predisposed to attack even without training. Yes, that includes you. Assess the horns for length and sharpness (if at all possible without losing an arm), and check that they are heavy and dense for their size, capable of lifting an orc (or you) off the ground, or piercing a shield. Just avoid making eye contact and you should be fine.

Though selectively bred for strength, endurance over long distance, and hardiness, temperament is paramount. Of course we do want an obedient goat, but we also must have one with great courage and a fiery eye. The ideal war goat is rare and precious, which is why the best are usually owned only by lords and kings.

Picture: Lusty Warlord of Khazad-dûm

The Heavy Draught Goat

This is the goat equivalent of a war troll. Heavy, short in the leg, covered with thick hair to withstand hours in harness, and with straight, powerful hindquarters for maximum driving thrust, these massive goats are best judged at work. So load up a sledge with boulders and see how far each competitor can pull it. The winning draught goat will go on until his heart nearly bursts. You should be aware of signs of imminent exhaustion and stop the trial before you lose him, unless you want to find out what it's really like to pull heavy objects when you're sentenced to the deep mines for 100 years.

Picture: Barazinbar Fire & Ice

This concludes our primer. I trust that you can now enter the rewarding world of goat judging with confidence and skill!