R2H3 #116 Trail Trash

R2H3 Trail Trash #116

Well it had to happen eventually. DOT.

After touting a "Red Dress Run" the pack of 6 hounds and 2 hares met at the Alto Park Softball Complex in preparation for an RDR that allegedly would measure 4.4 on the shiggy meter. While usually hard on the wardrobe, this type of thing does occasionally happen: The hares and the pack show up in red dresses and leave pieces of them strewn about the countryside. But right out of the gate it seemed there was something amiss. Shitigation was in street clothes and Touch & Blow was dressed as a sprinter. Both looked a bit bewildered and Shitigation commented he had forgotten all about it. Touch & Blow later exclaimed that he thought it had been mentioned that NFN Dirk might be haring since it was his birthday and the original plan of starting out near the Steeplechase had been shelved. News to me.

So as the hounds trickled in, all decided that throwing on the dresses for the circle was an appropriate compromise. The hares had recruited a muggle as a Bimbo and he appeared less than pleased to be there but was willing to put up with some shenanigans for a chance at drinking Miller Lite all afternoon. Then, after a brief conversation about NOT trespassing and Shitigation saying there were no guarantees, the hares were off.

Joe got busy and the hounds gave chase. We took off inbound on Burnett Ferry Road risking life and limb against the speeding traffic and came upon the first check. Hounds found two marks in either direction and then checked some more. Nada. I commented that I felt, based on an overhear, that we would be chasing the hares up Mt. Alto and Busted asked about an alternate route to the top and I gave him a suggestion and he bought into it. He was off. We dicked around for about 25 minutes before NFN Dirk ran about 3/4 of a mile before he finally found another mark on Manning Lake Road. Seems like a good idea - there is a ton of woods down there awaiting clearcutting for some new housing. Seems promising even with the now 40 minute head start the hares had. So we ran...and ran... and ran - on pavement passing glorious woods and trees and trails and a clear cut with woods backing it up. Until we turned left on Smith Road and then ran on that and ran and ran. We passed trees and woods and trails on our left and right. Then we turned on Wilkerson Road. At the intersection we spied a letter "B." Proof of life that Busted had been there well before us. So we turned and ran and ran on that. And ran and ran and passed trees and woods and trails and some houses.

Finally, at 4 miles in of running on pavement we found check number 4. Seemingly with the trend set, trail would stay on pavement so we checked that and got nada. We checked left and found two quick marks. Checking right seemed a bit hazardous to our health as the signs all warned us that there were cameras in use, not to enter, not to trespass and not to doubt the occupant was serious. To make matters worse for the pack, the neighbor of that property had just said so long to a pal and then stood on his porch questioning our intent.

Nope. Not gonna happen today. After having passed about a dozen spots we could have turned in, the hares had selected the property belonging to the little brother of David Koresh as the scene for this event's indiscretion. Once the birthday boy NFN Dirk stated, "Ya know, these people have guns," followed by Slim Prikens' statement, "And there are a lot of places to hide a body in these parts," yours truly called the audible. I phoned the hares and explained the predicament. The hares seemed confused that any Roman out near Coosa could be serious that a sign that says, "Trespassers will be shot and survivors shot again," meant anything but, "C'mon and run through my woods," and suggested we just run along the edge - which was precisely where the neighbor was standing. The decision was made. We were headed for the start.

As we made our way No-No I saw a Mitsubishi pickup for the fifth time and Slim stated the driver was probably just waiting for someone to become separated so as to pick them up and drop them in the pit he had dug beneath his kitchen. Everybody had trail buddies at this point and we decided it was best to keep one. At the intersection of Smith and Wilkerson, Slim and I spied a trail that looked like it could cut a pretty good section of the road rage away and when CBT caught up to us we decided to check it out. Sure enough, we cut well over a mile off and hiked/ran along some cool winding under used ATV trails that spat us out in the clear cut that was less than a mile from the start on Manning Lake Road. Aw Burnt Out joined us in the woods as he too was looking for something more soothing than more road rage. Just as we emerged from the clear cut we saw Purple Pill and NFN Dirk pounding away on Manning Lake Road.

It was not long and we were back at the start. The hares were telling us what a great trail we missed. You know, the part after you ran 4 miles on pavement and evaded a couple angry land owners.

Then I learned what had happened. Touch & Blow's original idea got shelved, Shitigation picked the spot and neither had gone on foot at all to scout the area, instead depending on Google Earth to lead the way.

Well, we had circle and as you might imagine, the hares were in it for a while. But the best part was that it was NFN Dirk's Birthday so we sang to him and he drank some awful cocktail CBT brought for him. I think it was called Acidic Blue Whale Sperm or some such. He could barely get out his coined phrase, "This Is Bull Shit!" as he choked it down. Then, to add to his day, we named the bastard. Since it was apparent his exclamation "This Is Bull Shit!" is a regular statement, he became known as "Mr. T.I.B.S." Though he looks nothing like Sydney Poitier, it seemed appropriate. Don't get it? You are too young. Google it. There were some other down-downs too. The snare, the actual running of trail but Hugh, CBT, Burnt and Slim, and the hares some more. Seems Busted caught them dropping flour out a car window. Really?

We retired to Riverdog Outpost to learn that Mike and Connie were moving to Floridoh and selling the place. It is going to be rebranded as just "The Outpost" and should not undergo any huge changes. We wish Mike and Connie and the new owners best of luck. We will be there so long as there is beer.

While I appreciate folks volunteering to keep the R2H3 a monthly adventure, please remember, trespassing is less than ideal. While it happens, it should not be the norm and certainly not on heavily posted property without permission. Heck, if you think you need to cross, ask the property owner. If you get permission, let the pack know. Spend a little time on foot to scout your trail. Hounds (especially those who drive a couple hours each way) know nothing is guaranteed but they pay their $6 bucks and have an expectation. If you do not come close to meeting that expectation, folks won't come back. The only successful trails are the ones where the entire pack arrives at the end safely to high five the hares with a smile on their faces. Shit, I would rather be snared than lose the pack. Have I fucked up trails? Sure, in 25 years I can certainly say that I have - usually it was because of lack of preparation and the hares missed a link up point (or it was really bad weather.)

There are no individual winners at the hash. Either everybody wins or everybody loses. And with that, I am off my soap box.

At the end of circle the pack all overwhelmingly decided that they wanted to invade the Black Sheep H3 Black Rock Campout on Black Rock Mountain State Park for trail #117 (March 11-13). The info for that is posted on the FB page. Trail 118 is to be hared by Vincent VanBlow and then Founders day is Hugh Heifer and maybe Mr T.I.B.S. if he is available.

Remember - Hashing is fun! See you on trail! (If the neighbors and land owners do not get too pissed.)

PS: What is DOT? Dead On Trail - the term used when a hound never makes the finish.