R2H3 Trail Trash #103

R2H3 Trail Trash #103 - No Guns? Run fast anyway.

posted Jan 11, 2021

As the hashers gathered at the main lot of the Coosa Valley Fairgrounds one thing was for sure: winter was upon us. The open lot allowed the ice cold wind to cut right through us as we enjoyed a pre-trail beverage. The hares assured us that, although the 8 mile mountainous death march had been postponed to a sunnier day due to the number of encounters with hunters and the land owners who were a bit doubtful of their intent, the trail that was planned would be delightful for a cold winter day.

The pack was fairly large for a cold day and a move back to normalcy after the events of November and the Pub Rumble in December. (I think we were almost 20 including the hares and bimbos.)

As is the tradition, the hares were out on time and the pack did their best to warm up to Joe the Frozen Button Factory Worker. And then they were off. As I was bimboing with NFN Ben, both of us with agonizing lower extremity injuries, I had to depend on the hounds and CBT to tell me what happened in between NFN Ben and I moving bags and a couple cars and then me going shopping for bourbon and Baileys.

According to CBT, the pack ran past the fairgrounds lookout tower that, by the account of 30 A-Hole, sways in any light breeze, before they exited a gate that led them to the rear of Main Elementary. The pack then meandered along the railroad track before emerging on Turner McCall beside the CVS. Just across the Etowah River they popped down behind Home Depot and made there way to the tracks behind GoodWill. This was about the time that the pack noticed what they described as a homeless guy approaching by way of the train trestle over the river. CBT believed this meant certain death right up until she heard the long haired figure clad in boots, jeans, a flannel shirt and one ski glove cry out, "Are you?!" Now, she was sure she was going to be killed. Turns out, it was late cummer Busted Cherry from the Atlanta conglomerate.

Off the tracks now, the hounds found a nice trail that led them all the way to 11th Street and eventually On-In at Bella and TMI's house. Along the way, the pack was treated to a BT up some old concrete stairs behind Shitigation's parents house and a never before seen mark: a lightening bolt with a number. This indicated that the pack should sprint for however many chad marks in order to avoid being seen by any number of disgruntled land owners. It turns out, again from 30 A-Hole, his uncle who was part owner of some of the property the pack defiled, would have gladly fired upon them had he discovered their indiscretions. Lucky for the pack, Uncle Muzzle Sucker is no longer with us.

The pack arrived at Bella's house in just over an hour. A perfect length for a cold gray day. 30 (if you had any doubt) was up front with Yes They Match as FBI. But where might be the other lightening fast r*nner known as Shitigation be you ask? Turns out he had run all the way to his house to take a dump and took honors as DFL.

The hares did a great job keeping the pack together and it was just a few minutes between FRB and the runner up to DFL (Shitigation had to take some extra time to wipe) so we were not waiting around long before getting circle going. Turns out Boner to Go and Special Head got hitched so they drank, 30 found the Beermunity necklace and gave a long arm to NFN Alex who we welcomed to his 2nd (maybe 3rd) trail. NFN Emme was back as well and actually did trail today! She is quickly approaching her fifth trail. That brings us to namings. If you are following along, you know we were all too ploughed to name NFN Ben at the Holiday Rumble so we shelved it for January. Somehow I was able to read the names I had scribbled on the beer soaked down down sheet last month and we added a few more (and far better) names. At some point, NFN Ben explained that he was only half Jewish and that in school they just called him Ish. This got traction especially when Shitigation produced the photo of Ben doing his best impression of Ala Akbar with the most disturbing but epic uni-brow. Names like Jewnibrow and No Fly List were batted around but the pack found solace in the suggestion "Terror-ish." A fine naming that, if you do not count the hour long drunken mess from the previous month, did not take too long.

We swung low and enjoyed a few beerz in Bella's mancave before the pack dwindled and the day ended.

Kudos to the hares for backing off on the 8 mile frozen death march to give a pack an enjoyable relatively short trail. Come on out in February and see what Yes They Match and Vincent VanBlow have in stock. They accepted a date trade with Hugh Heifer (who is still on the mend) and Bella.

Hashing is fun! See you on trail!

Hugh - Your lame and lazy RA and Loyal Scribe.