There Was a Time

(1)

Strengthening the Soul

My 3 stays at East Land Hospital was for the most part a soul-searching time I do not want or need to repeat. I have learned a lot about myself and most definitely about others in the profession of mental health services. Mostly the good was accepted by me as positive events the first two visits. The third hospital stay was horrendous, due to me questioning Dr. Anders' financial services of the second hospitalization after my release. They kept me in East Land for approximately 85 days because of it. For two years after my release, I would wake up shouting in the middle of the night. They knew what they were doing.

(2)

Follow the Rules

I know the difference between right and wrong. It was very easy to get along with the hospital staff and the other patients. I always conformed to what was expected of me for all three times I was there. I was completely and totally passive.

(3)

Privileges

I was denied recreation privileges concerning arts and crafts and the use of the gymnasium, Dr. visits, and legal counsel for approximately two and a half months. Whenever I would sing, or even laugh with one of the patients or staff, within minutes three staff members on duty would show up and give me a shot in one of my hips. I would never feel the results of those shots. It was done, I realized later, to put me in my place. I was kept in my cell alone during that time except for meals. The day room had its set hours so I stayed in there as much as possible and The Group meetings were not accessible to me. I was never asked to participate. The same went for The Group meetings in a different ward than mine. I was told that I had said that I did not want to be a part of The Group which was not true. I changed that error quickly and started to be welcomed in both of The Group meetings within a slow process of time.

I had sporadic phone privileges during the day unless I called first very early in the morning and only if I had verbal permission to do so and only if the phone was on the wall, before the breakfast meal at 7. Any calls for me before the two and a half months were non-existent. At one time I was told I needed to be on a permission list to call out. I asked to put my name down on that list and requested this for days following and was finally told to just go ahead and call. My daughter Marie was able to get through during that time. During the last two weeks, I started to get phone calls. My daughter Cheryl called during this time. I told her off. When I was done doing that, I asked her, “Do you believe what I just said to you?” And she replied vehemently, “No!!” My mom had also called me during those last two weeks. I was upset with her as well for not calling me. When I questioned her about it, she said, “I tried but they always told me you were at recreation.” I knew she was lying to me so I would slam the phone on the counter. I did this to her every so often and during our conversations. I started to ask at the nurse’s station to call my mom. The staff would let me call her in another ward using a different phone as long as I didn’t slam the phone. I told them I wouldn’t and I didn’t. I dialed ‘911’ once because I wanted to go home because they wouldn’t let me leave. They would say, “When you see the doctor.” I didn’t even know which doctor to see. Everyone else was seeing a doctor so I sat in the dayroom for several days waiting to see a doctor and was told by each of them that they weren’t my doctor. One time I was told that he was on vacation. So, I stopped waiting in the day room to see a doctor. Apparently, Dr. Anders was my doctor, so I found out later. (Checking my bill after I was released, I saw Dr. Anders had billed my insurance every two days of my completed third stay. I called Social Security Disability and everyone else connected to the bill payments and told them all word for word of the fraud.) I was asked what I had expected to be done about this? And I had replied, “So that it never happens again to another insurance company!”)

Sometimes I was denied access to meal privileges in the cafeteria. Always and at all times they would bring back a meal for me and I would eat in my cell on my bed. Any snacks or instant Sanka coffee packets I kept on my dresser were always confiscated after I was asleep. (I would share my Sanka packets, if they were ever left behind, with one of the elderly patients in the early morning hours. Sometimes I gave them to him leaving me without. I did not mind. I would wait until breakfast time to get my coffee in the cafeteria) Even when I hid my snacks, they were always gone the next morning. I was told no food was allowed in the rooms. I didn’t understand that reasoning. I remember a male patient was denied his meal privilege from the cafeteria as I had been during that time of day. The orderly had forgotten to bring him back a meal. He had remembered mine. Immediately the male orderly profusely apologized to him and brought back his meal within minutes with continued apologies. I was losing weight because of stress so they put me on Ensure twice a day.

My privilege for a contented and peaceful stay was denied. My privacy privilege was practically nonexistent. The cell I was in was across from the nurse’s station. The light at night shined into my cell making it impossible to sleep. When I closed the door halfway, I was either told not to or it was opened by someone which in turn awakened me eventually. It was a constant battle to procure a decent night’s rest. I was at least able to get enough sleep at night to function. One time they posted a gal to the right of my door. She wouldn’t let me out of my cell and the bathroom door leading from my cell was locked. I was denied access to bathroom privileges even when I told her I had to go pee. So, in the corner of the room, I placed a blanket and on top of the blanket, I put a Styrofoam cup. I peed into that to the very brim.

I had no Christmas. I had no New Year. The whole floor was deserted except for me. No one staffed the nurse’s station.

The toilet and shower that was off my cell connected to another cell. The gal that was there had told me that when she was in the shower, she was given a shot. That scared the wit’s out of me and I started to bathe and wash my hair using the sink that was in my cell. The only time they allowed me to close my door. I washed my clothes in the sink as well. (bra, underpants, shirt, and sweatshirt.) After they were washed, and rolled dry in a towel, I wore them to completely dry.) The washer and dryer on the floor of my ward was denied for my use. The last two weeks of my stay I was allowed to use them. One of the female staff members bought me shampoo and hair rinse. I used it until someone peed in both of them.

(4)

Advocate For The Down Trodden

Kathleen O’Leary is an excellent Attorney at Law. During the third hospital stay and the one and only time I was told she wanted to see me; I went. It was after all my privileges were restored and when I started to see Dr. Anders. Surmising now? It wasn’t the first time she had requested me to see her. I was always looked at and asked, “Are you going to court?” and I would always say ‘no’. Kathleen has always been kind to me and always sympathetic with me during all of my 3 stays at West Hills. A real champion to me, and to others I’m sure of it. I just realized this…the other patients that were on the list to go ‘to court’, (3 out of 5) were eventually asked to box up their clothes and were told, “You are going to the hospital in Carson!” The other two just disappeared. That was very scary to me.

(5)

Giving Up

I eventually went into despair because of my treatment at East Land. I huddled face downward in a tight little lump under the window that was in my cell. I opened my mouth and put forth a loud but low-pitched lengthy groan over and over. This despair reaction happened twice. The other time was in the dayroom. Each time I had a room full of staff members telling me to stop and I did. I received no shot and no admonishment each time. It quickly brought Dr. Anders back into my life and he started seeing me during daily intervals in my opened door cell. The office to the left of the nurse’s station was cleaned out and Dr. Anders moved into that office. I started to see him there in the afternoon and no longer was he showing up in my cell.

(6)

Leading Astray

My son was my first visitor. I awakened laying on my right side with my hair covering my face which laid over the side of the bed. I sat up all of a sudden and the door was wide open. I noticed immediately there was a note taped to the door. I walked over and read the note without touching it. It read, “Your son was here.” I went to the nurse’s station and was about to ask about it but the gal interrupted before I started to talk—"He brought you a rose. It is in the refrigerator downstairs.” She brought me a red rose as I was sitting in my cell. I was given a small vase by her and I shared it on the counter of the nurse’s station. At night I brought it into my room. I changed the water every day. It lasted a week. My son didn’t want to awaken me so they let me sleep. I slept for two days. The newspapers in the day room were dated two days after the last date of the morning I was in there watching tv and reading the paper. (My son had told me later on that he had made an appointment to come and see me. So it was known ahead of time when he was going to visit me. I had no idea. This was kept from me.)

My good friend Susan came to visit me. She was in Reno and was denied access because it wasn’t visiting hours. From her later she said she apparently gave quite a stink about it. It wasn’t that bad of a stink, I thought, they didn’t commit her. I told her so. Susan said, “Just let them try it! They would have had a fight!” “I was going to take you home with me!” Everyone needs a good friend like Susan!

My sister Elaine from Michigan came to visit me. Cassandra went down to get her and brought her into my cell. I sat on the bed as she sat on the bed across from me. I remember the conversation word for word but I didn’t acknowledge her as my sister. If I showed her any kindness my thoughts were, they would keep her there and not let her out. She didn’t have a ‘visitor’ sticker on herself. I asked her if she smelled anything and she said, with disgust on her face, and thoughtfully said, “Pig urine.” I scribbled something on paper to help her personally as a person. I said goodbye to her and she left. Afterward, Cassandra came in and brought me a nightgown that my sister had left me. I wore it once and then realized there was a probability it might disappear or be peed on. So, I requested a box to put it in. I continued to sleep with my clothes on. To this day I still have the nightgown and I wear it from time to time with bitter-sweet memories. (Cassandra assured me my sister had left the building safely when I had asked her.)

(7)

Other Rules

There was so much more I experienced at East Land. What is done is done. Forgive, let go, move on. The majority of the staff remembered me from the last two stays. They respected me, gave me dignity, and did not participate in the degrading treatment I received from the others. The others were only following instructions.

(8)

The State Hospital

I only stayed once at The State Hospital Facility. It was a very good experience a very positive stay. Everything was in slow motion. I asked one of the male nurses why such a slow pace and he said, “Some of the patients need a slow environment to recover and heal.” I was always respected here and I was always given my dignity. So much better than my third stay at East Land.

It was mentioned to me by one of the female nurses that she, “Had some medication for me to take.” I said in reply, “The medicine that I have always taken made me feel bad.” She replied, “It would help you out if you were to take it.” I immediately said, “If it starts to make me feel bad would you be able to help me and give me something else?” She then said to me, “Yes.” Then I said, “Okay.” At that point, the male nurse came up to the counter and asked the female nurse, “Where is the patient we have to force shot?” The female nurse said nothing. I took the medicine she had for me. I didn’t realize that the male nurse was talking about me until I got home.

When I was finally released from The State Hospital, I prayed to my God for Him to keep me well and for me to stay out of all the mental health facilities. Since February 2011, He has. In Jesus Name, Amen 😊