PART III
POSITIVE SPIRIT
CONTENTMENT OF THE SENSES
POEMS OF LAMENTING
FIRST WITNESS SECOND WITNESS MY STORY GRASPING GLORY FRIENDS
CRYING FOR THE LORD GOD IN JESUS' NAME NOW IS THE TIME HIS PROMISE HOW TO...
CONTENTMENT PART I PART II PART III PART IV PART V PART VI PART VII
SO SAID JESUS... WHO IS TO BLAME... END OF TIMES FORGIVENESS
FAITH AND HOPE THE HEALING PEACE ON EARTH MY OWN WORLD
GLORY TO GOD TO CHOOSE ALL NATIONS
Part III
Poems of Lamenting
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A Letter – A Prayer from the Heart
My Dear God in Heaven,
Within Your Divine Power,
Please show me Your Way,
Guide me and protect me,
Help me to overcome,
My unsteady footsteps thru life,
For I need Your Gentle,
And Inspiring Hand to hold mine,
For along this path of the Spirit,
That You have led me towards with truth,
I will forever be at Your Tender Mercies,
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
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My Hearts Desire
My Hearts Desire is for God,
Within all I accomplish,
For without this knowledge I am unable to succeed in my life,
My Hearts Desire is for my children,
God has blessed me,
For without them I am unable to understand my feelings,
My Hearts Desire is for my family,
So they may unite and be together in harmony,
For without them I am unable to cope,
My Hearts Desire is for my true friends,
Because they will stand beside me and protect me from harm,
For without them I am unable to realize my expressions,
My Hearts Desire is for my parents,
Their paths had once crossed in love,
For without them I am unable to cry with pain,
My Hearts Desire is for my enemies,
For their jealousy is a powerful force,
And without them I am unable to be strong in my faith.
The Hearts Desire for suicide,
Brings on the comfort for death,
To reach out and touch our beliefs,
We are to remember what makes up our lives,
And turn away to find Jesus reaching out to us,
For to believe is what keeps us going,
To strive and find a true friend,
Is like holding hands with God.
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You Were There
Oh God, I have been violated,
My self-esteem has been crushed,
I am without life,
My inner being is numb,
And my senses are not my own,
Why do I hurt without the pain,
I have done nothing to hurt anyone,
I do not deserve this memory forever,
I can not understand this anger from another person,
You were there when I needed You, God,
For I have survived this assault,
And it has made me strong and determined to go on in life.
Thank You God,
For this experience has altered my life,
And changed my outlook for the better,
I do not believe in revenge,
To hurt in return is not your way,
I am unwilling to hate,
Your lessons in my life have a meaning,
So I follow your directions,
By always submitting to you.
To force your will against a person,
Is to traumatize them for life.
These scars are forever eternal.,
And the suffering is felt by all involved.
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Me
I have never believed in any other gods,
For our God is a protective God.
I have never from within my thoughts and outside my faith,
Made from my hands any god-like images,
Either obtained from heaven above,
Derived from the earth beneath,
Or found from the water under the earth.
I have damned God and others,
I am guilty of this,
And I have done my best to stop.
I have realized Saturday is the Sabbath,
And Sunday is the Lord’s Day,
And I believe we should all look to God as one,
In the Name of Jesus,
For then our redemption is sure.
I have not respected my parents,
For I have changed for the better,
And only God knows my days,
And my children’s’ days in life.
Dear God in Heaven,
I have had an abortion thru my own admittance,
An experience You designed for me to always remember,
And to be medically aware of proper prenatal care,
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
I have committed adultery,
And I have found no comfort in this.
I have taken things without permission,
This has been going on since Adam and Eve,
And I am now most able to resist temptation.
I have lied to myself and about others,
To blame and to lie angers God greatly,
And I have the courage and desire to change and say I am sorry.
I have been envious of others and their possessions,
But I have accepted my accomplishments in life,
And I have learned to accept my failures,
For God’s lessons are true to me.
What is done is done,
So I do the most I can within myself,
For I believe and have faith in God’s understanding in me,
And thru out my life,
All my true directions have been Blessed by God.
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Remembering our Loved Ones
The desperation of a racing heart,
Whenever the death of a love is found,
Is forever to be remembered,
In the thoughts of our remembrance,
We have touched upon a part of them,
In our own way of saying good bye,
For we need to acknowledge death,
Or the loss of a part of us,
Within our own way of acceptance,
And in remembering our loved ones,
We turn to God during these times,
For prayer is a comforting answer,
But if we curse God in our anguish,
Or blame God for our losses,
This is forever understood,
For God is there at all times for us,
Even if we have forsaken Our LORD,
The arms of Jesus are always open to embrace us back.
This is God’s way,
And the only way to be,
For God is Our God,
For with God’s consent of our decisions,
No matter what is chosen for us,
Our rewards are of this earth,
And also in Heaven.
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The Path to my Fate
I yearn for peace and solitude among the Heavens,
My life is barren and desolate,
And my heart is empty of feeling from life,
I have yet to meet the one that makes me sing of open skies,
I have yet to meet the one that makes me laugh and play,
I have yet to meet the one that makes me float to earth like a feather,
I have yet to meet the one that makes me feel like a person,
I will meet my Friend Jesus when the time is chosen,
For then I will be renewed as one,
And then I will have met the one that makes me complete.
For all things of life are unknown,
And all things of life are treasures,
My life is still to be lived at its fullest,
And no one will stop me from living it,
I give myself to You, LORD God, to watch over my life,
To protect me from my aggressors,
To guide me upon your quests you set before me,
For you are The Path to my Fate,
I am your servant, God,
This is what makes me content,
My soul, my heart and my mind is Your Creation,
Which ascends to You as an offering as we mete.
This is what I believe in.
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Insight to Myself
My heart is still loving you,
Even tho’ you are not here,
My thoughts are still knowing you,
Even tho’ you are not near,
I am so lonely without you,
And how I wish you still cared,
My body is still needing you,
With a longing for your touch.
I turn to God during this time in my life,
And I thank Our Lord for making me,
For with these struggles in my existence,
God has given me an Insight to Myself,
In the future,
I will heed God’s Words,
For they may be written on the tongues of my friends,
As like road signs that must be obeyed,
And God has allowed this experience in my life to open my eyes,
So I am thankful for that union,
For God has helped me to overcome my grief,
So I may start a new and fulfilling life,
Without this broken heart.
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A Candle at Home
You have brought me back to earth,
With your knowledge of me,
For I am not easy to comprehend,
And you have kept me in your thoughts,
Even tho’ I have not been easy to live with,
For I do not even understand myself,
I have turned my back on you thru my mind,
And you have held fast to me,
For your love for me will last past Judgment,
I love you with my heartfelt feelings,
It is all I have of myself,
For you will take me as I am,
For that is your way with me,
And I thank you for you being you,
For without you I could not have gone on.
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All for God
My love is for God,
For God has always rescued me from myself,
And I will be guided to understand my true meanings,
For God is God,
My life is for God,
I will follow all God’s positive intentions to the most of my abilities,
And be strong within this Light,
For I am God’s Servant,
My soul is for God,
My spirit has been taken once,
And I have been shown that there is no fear in death,
For only God decides my fate,
My heart is for God,
I am surrounded within a protection,
And I have been given the strength to help others in spiritual need,
For God’s truth is as one with all creations.
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In My Life
I have reached out to touch the stars,
Instead I have seen God’s Light of Promises,
And I have been reminded to be strong within myself,
For my heart has been torn apart by many loves,
And I have cried tears of sadness amidst the partings,
But God has never left me alone in my sorrows,
I have cried out into the open sky,
Instead I have heard God answering thru my friends,
And the friends God has brought me have given me strength,
For my mind at times has been in confusion,
And I have prayed to God for help and guidance,
So God has led me in all ways to His side,
And I have gone willingly,
So in turn God has not changed towards me,
And always God has been special In My Life.
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Past Love
Do not romance me,
Because I fall too easily in love,
And my heart hurts so when I am used,
Do not show me you care,
Because my mind gets too easily confused,
And I lose control of my emotions,
Do not express yourself to me,
Because our thoughts should not be of each other,
And disappointment will be for us both,
Do not let me share in my secrets,
Because all I do is think of you,
And all I want is my peace of mind,
I cry out to God for help,
And I am allowed the strength,
To continue on without the thought of you.
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Stay With Me
Dance with me,
And hold me close,
For I do not want this night to end,
Laugh with me,
And touch me tenderly,
For I do not want you to go,
Walk with me,
And tell me your dreams,
For I do not want you to forget me,
Talk with me,
And see me, for who I am,
For I do not want to be alone,
Be with me,
And I will think of you always,
For my memories are dear to me,
God is with me,
And this has helped me in all ways,
For I do not believe in any other.
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Snake Eyes
Where am I in your life,
I have left you,
Far behind,
And you have been touched by my heart,
You have lost me,
Like a misplaced diamond,
Your world is empty of all beauty,
And your sunshine in life is gone,
It is not easy,
To see a shooting star,
And not wish on it,
For that is what you have done,
With your hurtful ways,
And your lies,
You have not gained any position in Heaven,
Nor have you justified,
Why you have degraded me,
So you are left alone,
With your spiteful ways,
And you have made your life,
Within the Judgment of God.
You answer to God,
In all what you do,
If you believe,
And act as you do not,
It is time to think otherwise.
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As You Bid
What is my purpose in life,
Dear God in Heaven,
For I do not know,
What You desire of me,
I have been strong,
In mind, body, and spirit,
My hands are not weak,
And I believe my work,
Will be rewarded with You,
For I have praised You with my verses,
And my words could never have been,
If You had not a Hand with my thoughts,
So I offer what I have,
And work hard at what I do,
For in time You will show me,
Dear Heavenly Father,
What my meaning is,
And what my purpose in life is,
Then I will do As You Bid.
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The Weeping Willow Tree
Within the stirrings of the fresh country air,
Moves the graceful limbs,
Of The Weeping Willow Tree,
These branches hover over,
As if crying,
Of times long ago,
With the cold of winter setting in,
The weather deadens the leaves,
And strips the dignity,
Of this noble tree,
A harshness of life seems to set in,
Which creates a forlorn quality,
From within oneself.
God gives us messages,
At times,
Thru the realities of nature.
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Me Alone
I am showing you,
My face of indifference,
I just do not care,
I sit on the porch,
And I feel free,
Of all my troubles,
I come back into the house,
And a cloud covers my thoughts,
Back to square one,
My emotions are too intense,
I do not thrive on turmoil,
These shadows I do not need in my heart,
So I am caught up in my own world of indifference,
To protect myself from you,
And I feel God has left me all alone.
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This Other Woman
From deep within my soul,
And my beating heart,
You have defiled my whole family,
You have done a great wrong,
For This Other Woman,
Has molested,
My four-year-old child,
How dare you touch,
An innocent Lamb of God,
Your lasciviousness,
Is pertaining to the Word of Christ,*
You are evil,
And against the moral teachings,
Of Our Lord Jesus.
God in all wisdom,
Gives us only what we can handle in life,
It is our decision to do what is right.
St. Mark 7:18-23}
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Orange and Yellow School Bus
The lonesome grind of the gears,
As the school bus rumbles down the avenue,
During the early morning hours,
Reminds me of the emptiness,
From within my aching heart,
For my two babies are not with me,
I have had to give them up to their dad,
And their school bus rumbles down to school,
Without them inside,
My heart wrenches,
Inside my chest,
When I see,
An Orange and Yellow School Bus,
How I pray to God,
That everything improves,
And we will then again,
Be a family,
For the weeks are long and lonely,
The weekends are not enough,
And my prayers are crying out to God.
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A Prayer
Dear God in Heaven,
Within your Divine Blessings,
Guide me towards an unerring path,
Show me how to labour,
Without pain of thought,
Help me to be aware,
Of my errors in life,
And with Your Everlasting Love,
Grant me internal serenity,
Thru all I do,
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
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I Feel Comforted
As I pray,
And ask to give all I have for truth,
I hear the constant chirp of crickets,
Echoing in my room,
As if in a tunnel,
It calls to my mind,
Mount Olivet,
For Our Lord,
Must have heard the same kind of chirruping,
On that night of betrayal,
I Feel Comforted to know,
That Jesus was so human,
For with His struggles from the heart,
Held a level of perseverance,
Beyond all comprehension,
Thank you Jesus for Your Life,
You make all my problems so small,
And a little more bearable to handle.
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My Family
At times I have wondered,
How I have fit into My Family,
With all the indifference,
Mistrust and love lost,
I have had to pull myself away,
For it is unhealthy to dwell,
With all of it.
But I really know you now,
A climbing tendril,
Which began from love,
Diversified within many directions,
Of different genetic tendencies,
So now we have accepted each other,
Thru the loss of a parent,
And within the love of our compliance,
We have learned the way of Jesus,
And it is time to reach out,
For we are a family,
This should never be forgotten.
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Dove of Peace
Calm overlaps the sky,
The air is easy to breathe,
And a spiritual uplifting feeling,
Sends us towards,
An unerring destiny,
The striving is over,
And the wounded are carefully lifted away,
Within a stunned silence of apathy,
For some are missing appendages,
And the lifeless and senseless enmity,
Has just begun for all of us.
War is a misery of the land,
Jesus covers our hearts,
With His good graces,
And soothes the cries in the night,
Of the haunting memories,
That clings to our bodies,
As tears and sweat,
And forgives the blood on our hands,
From friend and enemy,
The Dove of Peace,
Reunites Jesus and Hope,
Of a better and peaceful future.
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Each Shared Moment
You urge your child to live a little longer,
For a miracle or a cure to happen,
But for some remission does not occur,
And a cure does not take place,
So you hold your special child,
Hoping God will breathe life back into her lifeless form,
And make everything good and right,
But it does not happen,
And you pray to be God to deliver life anew,
So you sit in the chapel with your stares blinded by tears,
While you remember Each Shared Moment,
And it was special with your dying child,
For your comfort was the quality of time spent,
Playing, holding, singing, laughing, and just talking,
But the heavy weight is in your hearts,
So you must turn to your different faiths,
And your beliefs do not let you down,
Because your separate religions are strong.
So your child is walking with Jesus now,
No more pain and suffering,
She is holding His Hand,
And smiling her special smile,
For she is finally at peace.
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How I Remember
I remember seeing a Holy Card,
With Jesus tied to a post,
And blood trickling down His Face,
From the crown of thorns upon His Head,
For He was resting on His Haunches,
And looking upwards towards Heaven,
With an agony and acceptance of His Fate,
The spittle was sliding from His Face and Body,
And bleeding lash marks were upon His Back,
From the beatings of the whip,
You could read His Pain of Resolute,
Within His Eyes,
But your pain was none,
For His Suffering was His,
And not to be shared with us.
How I Remember,
While being a little girl,
I cried for His Pain,
As one feeling for another,
Just so His Suffering could stop.
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Standing Alone
Purple robe of majesty,
Which was created as a mockery,
And done to a Jew turned to God alone,
Wrists crossed and tied with thong,
With a palm frond inserted in its midst,
And done to a man turned acquiescent,
Head bowed low,
Within the pain of the thorns,
And done to a person turned to sufferance,
I see this,
Jesus is Standing Alone,
For the Jewish faith holds fast to their denial of Him,
And it is easier than their recognition,
And one day His Light will be allowed,
Within their own religion,
And their guilt,
Will no longer be their own cross to bear.
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A Sacred Bonding between Man and God
My son,
Lays on a small yellow pallet,
On his back,
With his wrists and ankles strapped down,
He is three days old,
Unclothed,
And crying no tears,
I am standing in the hall,
Looking thru the window,
Distressed of his discomfort of isolation,
And a nurse comes in,
She is sensitive enough to understand the situation,
And puts a pacifier in my son’s mouth and strokes his cheek,
It has been fifteen minutes,
And the doctor has not shown,
Where is she?
My husband is not here,
Where is he?
I go thru the swinging doors,
Of the hospital,
Looking for both,
And I find neither,
I come back,
The nurse is gone,
And my son is crying again,
So much for sensitivity,
I feel hurt and betrayal,
My husband finally shows,
And then the doctor appears,
I watch,
With awe,
And share with my son,
A Sacred Bonding between Man and God.
I still have,
My son’s,
Circumcision ring,
And the bitter-sweet memories,
Of a time shared with him.
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Love Letters
I am reading these Love Letters,
One by one,
And drop them on the floor,
Of the garage,
I am moving,
Getting rid of junk,
Including old memories,
I do not need,
I am lost for words,
For they stir in my mind,
The love I have felt,
For the men I have let emotionally abuse me,
I am a better person,
Due to these relationships,
So I keep one or two small mementos,
To remind me of what these men have lost out on,
I am thankful to You God,
For Your infinite passion,
Between man and woman,
And the enmity we are all trying to banish,
I am mindful of you God,
For You had cursed Adam and Eve,
And with bringing Jesus onto this earth,
You have brought forth Hope and a new beginning for us all.
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Dear God
When my time is here,
For me to follow,
I will go,
For You know when my appointment,
In life will be,
I am ready,
With Your tasks in mind,
And whatever Your Choices,
May be,
You will let me know,
Within Your Goodness of my own heart.
And within the goodness of Your own Heart,
I have been reborn,
And I will cling to that knowledge,
For Jesus is within us all.
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Dear God in Heaven
God s not a man,
Nor a woman,
But a Divine Spiritual Entity.
For God has no material affect on gender,
God in essence is the goodness of each other,
But to each their own,
And to thine own self be true,
For we must all reckon with our own selves,
As for me tho’,
I will continue to call unto Our God,
Within my own way.
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Into God’s Hands
You understand my frustrations,
When I cry and damn You for making me.
You understand my anger,
When I swear and hate You forever.
You understand my hurt,
When I turn away and blame You for every obstacle.
And You understand my loneliness,
When I tell You how hard it is to work by myself.
And then You understand my humility,
When I am sorry and apologize to You.
After all that is said and done from me,
I then commend these unmanageable problems Into Your Hands,
So You may control my destiny,
For You teach me pride should be ignored,
In order to seek help and find guidance.
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The Funeral
I was unable to attend your funeral,
How I wanted to see you,
One last time more.
But I still remember your temper,
With every little qualm in your life,
And I remember your unwillingness to marry,
The girl you were engaged to for years,
Along with the abortion you thought I should have,
Which you quickly corrected with an apology.
But there was another side,
That you also allowed to shine thru,
Your kind-hearted giving for your family and friends,
With a willingness to offer yourself to anyone who needed you,
And warm-hearted talks that were shared with laughter and love.
But you did not let us know of your cancer,
Thru your unwanted pity and isolation from others,
Therefore robbing us of our emotional need,
To say goodbye to you in our own way.
And I know you are already with God,
We will dearly miss you.
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Treblinka, Auschwitz, and Dachau
Terror-stricken in the night,
Daytime a formidable hell,
Heart crying out to heart,
And love torn from protecting arms,
A holding of fear gripping the soul,
And settling in full length of the body,
A nightmare of reality,
With suffering and degrading moments,
Of tattoos on wrists for recognition,
Hair shorn and group nakedness to humiliate,
Starvation to suck the dignity of pride,
And torture in the name of science,
Within an evil variety of death strategies,
Over six million lives were taken as lambs to slaughter,
Only the survivors are left to feel and remember the rest,
And your faces must be turned the other way,
For it is best,
To let the past go,
Because revenge is the law,
Of Our God alone,
But we must recall the misdeeds of History,
For those who are ignorant of past adversities,
Are doomed to repeat its disasters,
For we all must learn from our mistakes,
And to forgive the ignorance of our tormentors.
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Peace Within
A cloud covers my heart,
And I feel melancholy,
I have missed your funeral,
For my reality is here,
I try to fill my days,
With other thoughts,
But I am still missing you,
My emptiness is complete,
You have left us,
All alone in our thoughts,
And we are crying inside,
Thru the loss of you,
God will heal all,
Within time,
And our thoughts,
Will ease themselves,
Eventually,
God will grant me,
Peace Within my soul,
Thru the loss within my heart.
Positive Spirit
Winnemucca, Nv.