Imagine

Imagine

Imagine meeting Superman in real life.

Imagine becoming his best friend.

Imagine falling in love, becoming his wife, promising each other forever.

Imagine watching him play with your daughters- soccer, tennis, lego robotics, late night cartoons- and thinking you couldn’t love this man more.

Imagine seven more perfect years with the love of your life.

Imagine the word cancer crashing through the silence in the doctor’s office, tearing down the paper thin happily ever after movie set that had been your life.

Imagine three weeks in bed, holding your husband, crying… paralyzed then slowly, brick by brick, rebuilding that happily ever after set- this time of something stronger.

Imagine making a room for the cycle- cancer, chemo, remission, cancer again- and getting through it all… a super couple going on date nights, getting promotions at work, shuttling overscheduled daughters to choir, dance, martial arts, soccer, and then celebrating your rockstardom together with a glass of wine and The Biggest Loser.

Imagine three years of this.

Imagine finding joy in this new normal and being more in love than ever.

Imagine hoping against hope that the doctors are wrong, they’ve been wrong before.

Imagine slowly realizing that this time they may be right.

Imagine voices- distant and muffled- “multiple organ failure”.

Imagine the world spinning out of control.

Imagine trying to figure out how to say goodbye to Superman, your husband, Daddy Extraordinaire… your best friend.

Imagine your friends singing Bella Ciao in the ICU around his bed, paying tribute to your Superman, who they knew as a brilliant activist

Imagine the lyric “and if I fall in combat, pick up my gun and carry on”

Imagine telling him “I got your gun Boo”

Imagine his smile, the squeeze of a hand and knowing that was goodbye.

Imagine dropping that gun you promised you’d carry, hiding in a dark closet, drowning somewhere at the bottom of a million bottles of wine.

Imagine your six-year-old wake up and look for Daddy every morning and having to tell her Daddy is gone; he’s not coming back.

Imagine watching your thirteen-year-old go from an already thin 100 lbs to a dangerous 80 lbs, holding her on the ground as she cries and being unable to make it better.

Imagine your tomorrow being gone- stolen- and yet tomorrow after tomorrow having the nerve to show up anyway.

Imagine hearing your best friend tell her husband, “she’s not gonna make it.”

Imagine hoping she was right.

Imagine noticing the sun one of those tomorrows and feeling your heart beat again.

Imagine counting yourself lucky to have known Superman, let alone be his wife.

Imagine knowing your smile is broken, but smiling anyway.

Imagine a boy who makes you smile more than you have in months.

Imagine the joy, imagine the guilt, imagine the confusion of a crush.

Imagine you have a heart that is big enough to love again.

Imagine he has a heart to love you, even though you’re broken.

Imagine his love has the power to heal.

Imagine your girls playing tennis and cheerleading and smiling.

Imagine missing Superman every day.

Imagine being in love again.

Imagine discovering you’ve made a brand new tomorrow.