Swimming Into Summer

The world's favorite. Dolphins. They're cute, they're smiling all the time, and they play around doing nice tricks in the water. They're the good puppies of the sea. But you see, I'm going to give you a little inside scoop. Dolphins aren't smart—they're tricksters. And a bit too narcissistic.

First of all, dolphins are smart. I mean, they-can-do-tricks-and-play-games smart. Dolphins have the capacity to learn hand signals, solve problems, and even stare into a mirror and recognize themselves. (I'm still getting up and walking into a room and not even sure why I'm doing that.) Dolphins'd already be running for president if they had a thumb.

They even converse with each other in squeaks and whistles and clicks. They even have their own names—a special whistle that is essentially a "Hey, it's me!" signal. You're swimming along in the water when you hear a yell out of the blue, "Squeee-click-click!" It is not a noise. It is a signal from Gary the dolphin that he has located a fish feast.

Do not be deceived by the smiles. Dolphins are thieves. They steal fish for fun, rob fishermen of their bait, and play with other creatures just to harass them. There was a dolphin in Florida that had a tendency to steal people's hats. (I swear this is true.) It paraded the hats like a model. Vogue but in the water.

They even swim in pods, or groups. A pod of dolphins is like a group of friends that never stop whispering. They play with each other, swim with each other, and look after each other. It's an eternal sleepover with more splashing and less snacking. And the best part: the occasional dolphin surfs. Yes, real surfing. Dolphins surf for the fun of it. Me? I find that I cannot even maintain a boogie board long enough before I fall off and inhale half the sea.

And one-eyed sleeping dolphins. Why? Half a brain is asleep at a time. The other half is awake and alert for sharks and passing ships and inquiring jellyfish. It is a sleep-deprived existence if you ask me, but an apparently effortless process for the dolphin.

Straight and to the point: the cool kids of the sea are the dolphins. They're intelligent, they're witty, and they pull off a trick with impunity. So if you're lucky enough to see a dolphin doing a backflip, just remember this: it's not showy. It has a twist. It's judging your swim.