Disclaimer: This piece is meant to be satire, including real topics and dark humor. Let’s put our big boy pants on!

Remember when Black History Month was just Black History Week? Probably not. You probably also don't remember much of when Trump was president the first time– Why? Because this newspaper is targeted at high school students (adults are welcome on occasion), written by high school students, and surrounded by high school students who became relevant to politics when Russia vs Ukraine happened. Still happening, by the way, but it’s okay to be more in tune with tragedies closer to you.

Have you ever wondered why we’ve confined the history of African American people to a section of the year? Perchance– Do you think your president has? Yikes! Touchy subject. You praise and pay the colonizers of colored and cultured people, but let us not overthrow the government here, guys! (I’m not accusing you and your googly-eyed dog of nothing.) ‘Easy white chocolate. ’ Remember, your freedom of speech is limited.

How do we feel about employers being able to say, “I don’t want to hire you because you're Black” What??? Hello! I think that's racist, just saying—freedom of speech, though, guys. The record’s replaying, and we’re witnessing real life time traveling… minus the machine. Back in y'all's day, white people had the right to refuse to employ our Nubian Kings and Queens because we miss watching unemployed Black Americans “parading” on the street for spare change. Why can’t we all just sing and dance under the damaged image of the American Dream? Right... left, right. Let me clarify—Donald John Trump has begun shutting down DEI programs across America. A program made to stop discrimination when employing POC, and guess who their main target is… Target! Not funny “ha ha”; funny weird. Stand up, y'all. How are you being robbed without a gun?

African American history was introduced to schools in the 1960s. Seventy years later, America’s putting bullets through papers. “Down with the Board of Education!” We all cheer in unison. “All hail Plankton!” We all jump in joy under our glorious king’s Springfield Armory Model 1903 Sporter hunting rifle.

Let’s not forget these people we’ve named “slaves” (this sentence has been censored for the snowflakes), aren’t even “African American” but African. You’ve forced them to conform because you’ve placed them on stolen land and titled them and every which whom an “immigrant”. But the nerve to take their history from the schools they fought to be in is strong. It’s okay to keep the textbook chapters about each founding father who crossed the sea to a fro but erase the parts where they owned people and erase the future of these people who made their struggles known. Have you ever been hit by a hot pot of grits? I think too many of y'all grew up without being backhanded, that’s why y'all clean shoes now. If you’re offended, the boot fits, and the earth’s flat.

“It’s too late! Project 2025– The unqualified loyalists are now running the government!” Freedom of speech is officially, legally illegal. 

https://www.ed.gov/about/news/press-release/us-department-of-education-takes-action-eliminate-dei#:~:text=President%20Trump%20has%20rescinded%20the,like%20the%20Diversity%20%26%20Inclusion%20Council.

https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/ending-radical-and-wasteful-government-dei-programs-and-preferencing/

https://www.governing.com/now/the-dangerous-campaign-to-ban-studies-of-black-history-and-culture