The Magic of April Fools By Jo Gabriel

April 1st is the only time of year when it’s socially acceptable to ruin someone’s day and then laugh in their face. This holiday was created for any person who enjoys partaking in the fine arts of joking, tricking, and pranking. But the word “prank” is pretty open-ended; mental or physical, public or private, how the heck do you narrow it down? Well, my team has come up with a list that will knock all the other lists onto their butts. 

1. A Pineapple Shaped Watermelon

Watch out, because this prank will cost a little bit of money. For materials, you’ll need a whole pineapple, a piece of paper, a writing utensil, and an awesome party that you can set up the prank at. Fold the piece of paper over hamburger-wise, so that it can stand up on its own. Place the pineapple on a flat surface, like a table, where everyone will be able to see it. Then, take the paper, and write “Watermelon” on it, with an arrow pointing to the side. Place the paper so that the arrow points to the pineapple, and watch the chaos unfold. While the pineapple will still look like a pineapple, the sign will make everyone think that it’s actually a watermelon. Therefore, when an innocent party goer cuts into the fruit and takes a bite, they’ll be super confused. Expecting watermelon and getting pineapple is not a fun experience, let me tell you. 

2. The Mystery Question

For this prank, all you need is a friend. When you see this friend at the beginning of the day, turn to them and say, “Guess what?”. Your friend will be intrigued, and likely respond with a “What?”. Now, you’ve got them hooked. Your friend will be patiently waiting for what you’ll say next, and they are expecting greatness. That’s when you drop the bomb on them, and respond with “Chicken butt.” The friend will reel back, like your words just slapped them on the nose. They have been tricked. Your psychological warfare will affect them so greatly that they might exclaim in horror. They might bring their hands up to their face, blocking out the world while they process your great betrayal. They might even cry. This prank has worked for generations, and will continue to work far into the future. 

3. What the Fork, Man?

To carry this one out, you’ll need to have a kitchen with an organized utensil drawer. If you have the required materials, then take all of the utensils from their designated drawer spot and switch them around. For example, if the spoons were on the left and the forks were on the right, then have them switch places. This prank, submitted to me by Daniel Xayamoungkhoun, is most effective on family members who are overly obsessed with the kitchen. “Putting something in a place that it’s not supposed to be, it confuses people,” he says. While the idea seems straightforward, I believe there is a hidden meaning within this prank. Imagine your mother walking into a kitchen, ready to dig into a nice, hot meal with one of her forks. She has been working all day, and needs some normalcy in her life. She opens the drawer, and… BOOM! The utensils are all switched! She looks around frantically for a fork, but can’t find it. Her breathing grows heavier, her eyes widen, and she falls over from stress. This insane prank could hurt a poor, innocent mother. Therefore, you should proceed with caution. 

4. House Sitting (Literally!)

The materials you’ll need for this one include: A family going on vacation that trusts you enough to let you watch their house, the largest elephant you can find, and a professional elephant trainer, (unless you trust your own elephant-training skills enough to do it yourself). Once the family has left their home, begin training your elephant. Guide it, with treats and such, to sit down on top of any large structures it might come across. Then, lead the elephant over to this family’s empty house, and let it rip. The roof will be caved in and all of the family’s belongings will be crushed, but you must keep going for the love of the craft. Once they return home, you can all have a nice, friendly laugh about your hilarious prank. 

5. Become a Personal Calendar 

Submitted by my very own brother, Gus Gabriel, all you need for this prank is a gullible friend and a really convincing poker face. While the classic prank already exists of telling someone on April 1st that it’s actually March 31st or April 2nd, he suggests that you take it a tiny step further. If your friend mentions anything about the date, you turn and tell them, “What are you talking about? April’s over; we’re in May now.” Convince your friend that they have somehow managed to sleep through an entire month overnight. This might cause a bit of an internal crisis, but the good news is that this opens up your friend for even more time-related pranks. They think it’s 12:00 P.M.? Tell them that it’s actually midnight right now and, “Why the heck are you at school? Go home!” They tell you that their birthday is coming up in a week? Turn to them and say, “No, we celebrated your birthday yesterday, silly.” Because your friend is now convinced that they don’t have any handle on time, they will trust your judgement completely. 

6. Harvard is Not Calling

Suggested by Megan Wittkamp, this prank is perfect for someone you really hate. After you’ve picked your target, gather the contact information of every college you know of. Contact them all, and relay an offensive message of your choosing. For example, you could tell them, “I saw a picture of the dean on your website, and he looks like he would eat pineapple on pizza,” or, “Ivy League? More like Stupid League! LOL.” Then, sign your chosen person’s full name and address at the bottom. This is sure to get them blacklisted from every college in the country, or at least hunted down by the college-equivalent mafia. And alternatively, if this prank fails, you could always just grind up some white chalk into a baggie, slip it in their pocket, and tip off the police.