Introduction

Staff and key volunteers who have been trained in Mental Health First Aid will be the persons rostered and appointed to manage a situation in the event of a Behavioural Emergency.

Techniques in this section on de-escalation underpin our approach to a Behavioural Emergency; it helps our staff and key volunteers ask, 'how do I try and make this person feel safe but also keep others safe'. 

Where a Behavioural Emergency has turned into a Threatening Emergency, the Security role will be included in the response by the TLC person. 

The approach requires being

• objective - aware of your thoughts and feelings, remaining rational and non-judgmental;

• positive - able to respond positively; and 

• empathetic - able to recognise and respond to a person’s circumstances.

What is verbal De-escalation?

Verbal de-escalation is an important subject for church safety.

It can move a person from the edge of committing a violent act to the position of making a controlled decision.  You can use your voice, eyes, facial expression and body language to stop a "potential something" actually becoming "something".

Verbal de-escalation is a learnable skill which can be used to prevent a verbally disruptive person from becoming physically combative.  

The challenge of learning verbal de-escalation is to eliminate the assumption that there are magic words or phrases which instantly calm people down.  The truth is that verbal de-escalation is a set of principles and guidelines which every staff member and volunteer can utilise to defuse a potentially harmful situation.

Goals of De-escalation

Ideally, your verbal reminder that we do not tolerate bullying or bad behaviour should be enough. If it is not and the situation is escalating, here are some things to help you manage disruptive people. 

Why do people become disruptive?

In most cases disruptive behaviour is a result of a personal crisis or misunderstanding.  A personal crisis happens when a person perceives an event or situation has exceeded his/her ability to cope with the problem and the emotional anguish becomes intolerable.

There are several causes of personal crises:

• Family problems: a marriage falling apart, teenagers acting out, arguments with in-laws, and countless other scenarios.

• Financial problems: their home may be in foreclosure, they may have lost a job, they may not be able to feed their families or pay their bills.

• Substance abuse: alcoholism and addiction can put a great deal of strain on people.

• Medical conditions: chronic pain, a serious medical diagnosis, or even terminal illness can change people’s personalities and behaviour.

• Mental illness: mental illness can also contribute to verbally combative behaviours.

It’s important to remember that a person who has a personal crisis is not necessarily weak in faith or character.  Everybody has hard times, so we should be compassionate and humble.

Skills of Verbal and Non-verbal De-escalation

It is critically important that we understand what we are saying with our nonverbal cues because when our words and body language disagree, people will react to our body language.  

Basic rules for body language

• Be conscious of your body posture.

• Use an open, yet defensible posture.

• Use slow and deliberate movements.

• Never point your finger at anyone because it communicates accusation.

• Never shrug your shoulders because it shows that you are uncaring or unknowing.

• Never display a rigid posture by crossing your arms or puffing out your chest because it shows that you are defensive or aggressive.

Basic rules for facial expression

• Relax facial muscles: don’t furrow your brow or frown.

• Smile: be friendly with a natural smile.  (If the situation is becoming too stressful for you, it is okay to relax your smile to avoid a fake smile.  A fake smile is very aggravating to an already stressful situation.)

• Eye contact: keep natural eye contact and keep your eyes open to show interest.  Maintain natural eye contact. Avoid staring at the person because that can be interpreted as a challenge. Looking away indicates disinterest.  Don’t close your eyes or look away because that shows disinterest.

Basic rules for voice

• Keep the volume of your voice soft: it’s calming.

• Keep your rate of speech natural or even slow: slow speech is soothing.

• Keep the tone of your voice friendly and helpful.

Basic rules for your thoughts, emotions and attitudes

• Keep your emotions under control.

• Be careful not to prejudge, criticise, argue, threaten, engage in power struggles, or disregard the feelings or position of the person.

• Remember that understanding is not agreement.

  • A phrase to use is “I hear you.”  It communicates that I understand what the person is saying and the emotions behind it.  However, I don’t necessarily agree with the person’s actions or interpretations.

Never say...

• Never say, "Hey you. Come here". It puts a disruptive person on the defensive. Instead try "Excuse me. Can I talk with you for a minute?"

• Never say, "Calm down". This rarely works and is a criticism of behaviour. Instead try "What's the matter?". This will soften a person's response and encourage them to talk. 

• Never say, "I'm not going to tell you again". This is considered a threat and may escalate a situation.  Instead try "Is there anything I can say or do that will help you right now?" If the answer is yes, you may have found a solution. If the answer is no, try something else. 

• Never say, "Be more reasonable". This is the same as telling someone they are wrong and will probably escalate the situation.  Instead try "Let me see if I understand what you are saying?" and then paraphrase back to them. This helps to absorb the other person's tension and helps them feel supported. 

• Never say, "Because those are the rules". This just irritates people and invites anger.  Instead try explaining the reason briefly. 70% of resistant people will do what you want if you just tell them why. 

• Never say, 'What's your problem?" This signals to the other person that it's you vs me. This phrase will almost always escalate a situation. Instead try "What's the matter, or how can I help?" This is polite and will soften up the response. 

• Never say, "What do you want me to do about it?" This tells the other person you are upset or agitated. It's better to always appear in control, even if you are upset with that person. Instead try "I'm sorry. I'm not sure how I can help you?" This again is non-confrontational and polite.